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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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November 14, 2017

A Small Gesture

Oh, you guys, if only you could have witnessed the anticipation in my house as my daughter and I prepared to attend the Secret Keeper Girls event being held at a church in our city recently. Weeks before, a group of some of my closest friends had conspired together to get tickets for our tween-aged daughters and we couldn’t wait to take our girls to this very special concert.

And I could spend this entire time talking to you about how amazing it was. How incredible it is that Dana Gersh has created this wonderful ministry and how much I wish that there had been something like this when I was a tween myself.

But, I’m writing today to talk about something that happened that night that was so small it was almost imperceptible. Something that probably no one else but me noticed. And something that was in fact, the most powerful part of my evening.

As we entered the venue we were immediately swept into all things tween girl. There was loud music, purple and pink decor, a photo booth and lots of giggling and squealing. After perusing the gift booth and chatting with friends, we made our way into the main auditorium.

We managed to find a row with enough seats for all of us and as the girls wanted to all sit together on one end, we realized that this gave we moms a great opportunity to do some chatting and giggling of our own. We shuffled into the row and settled ourselves in our seats and I found myself on the very end closest to the wall and farthest away from the girls.

We got settled in and I turned to say hello to the people sitting behind us and as I turned back I realized that my friends had begun a conversation. They were all leaning closer to each other and between the loud music and my position at the end of the row, I had no idea what they were talking about.

For a split second I felt kind of left out.

But that’s when it happened. Julie, sitting next to me on my left and leaning towards the other women so she could hear what they were saying, realized that I had stopped talking to the folks behind me and made the smallest of gestures. She adjusted the way she was sitting so as to make sure that I could be included in the conversation. A simple turn of her shoulder and a hand that patted my arm was all that was needed to let me know that I had not been forgotten. Soon enough, I was right in the thick of the dialogue and before we knew it the program was starting.

I’ll admit, I didn’t think much of it at the time. Maybe it’s because it came as no surprise that Julie would do this. And frankly, every one of those other moms sitting in my row would have done the exact same thing. Because that’s just who they are. They are inclusive. They are extenders. They are reacher-outers.

These are the women with whom I have chosen to surround myself.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of having someone draw you in. It’s a feeling I’ve come to distinctly recognize because so often I’ve experienced just the opposite. The times when there is no turning of the shoulder or reaching out of the hand. I’ve experienced exclusion, being left out and shut down. And not just as a young girl. These things happen to us as grown-ups too, right?

We all know that our kids are paying very close attention to what we do and say as parents. But, I think there’s another layer that we don’t even fully realize. It’s the layer of nuances. You see, I believe that there are things that just get absorbed into our children. The things that are soaked into their psyche.

Things like being quick to offer a smile. Asking someone how their day is going. Waving hello, showing interest, introducing yourself, turning your shoulder to make sure that the person at the end of the row is welcomed into the conversation.

It’s in these seemingly small gestures, these nuances of interaction where there is more power than we can imagine.

The other day at a school event, my daughter was sitting in a row with her best friend and some other girls. They were all just happily chatting away when all of a sudden, ALL of the other girls got up and moved together to another row away from my daughter and her friend. No explanation, no invitation. They just up and left. Later in the day, my daughter asked me why they had done that and told me how much it hurt. I couldn’t provide her with a good explanation. But what I COULD provide her with was sympathy, understanding and the opportunity for her to tap into those hurt feelings in such a way that it would make an imprint on her spirit. An imprint that would serve as a reminder to never do that to anyone else.

That night at the Secret Keeper Girl event, as the music blared and the girls began to flood the aisles and move towards the stage where they could all dance their little hearts out, we moms watched as our daughters asked each other if they wanted to go forward to dance together. They made sure everyone felt included whether or not they actually wanted to dance.

They’ve been watching us. Listening, observing. They’ve been given instruction and wisdom and encouragement. They’ve been called to task if we’ve witnessed them being exclusive. They’ve been reminded of the power of nuances.

They don’t always get it right. And, frankly, neither do we!

But, we’re trying. We’re praying. We’re watching closely and we’re talking with each other about these issues.

There’s so much in our world today that seems BIG and overwhelming. So much that is outside of our control. And it can be tempting to circle the wagons and hunker down.

But what if we were to fully realize the power that lies in those nuances? What if it’s in the smallest of gestures that someone will feel…

included

valued

seen

And what if you and I could do that for someone today? Let’s celebrate the small gestures and the little nuances my friends.

And, as always, thank you for meeting me at the fence today,

11 Comments Filed Under: Good Thoughts

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Comments

  1. Dorothy A Terwilliger says

    November 14, 2017 at 8:01 AM

    I could really feel this as I read it. Such a small gesture meant so much and the fact that we teach our children by example shines through in this story. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  2. Angela says

    November 14, 2017 at 9:29 AM

    Your article brings tears, Vanessa, and has made me realize that I might be missing something. I watch as my daughter, a beautiful 16 year old, gets left out and ignored on a daily basis. I begin to ask myself, “Is it jealously because she is very beautiful? Is it because she won’t take up for herself? Is it because she’s too eager to be friends with those who ignore her?” I listen to her recount the events of her school day and her hurt becomes my hurt. It’s so difficult to know what to say or do. Your article has made me realize that perhaps all this is preparing her for God’s will in her life and that I should encourage her to use these experience as a lesson in how to help others. Thank you.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      November 14, 2017 at 11:57 AM

      Oh Angela, I’m SO sorry that you’re daughter is going through that. It sounds very similar (VERY similar!) to my own high school experiences and while I wouldn’t wish that on anyone I can honestly say that it really did prepare me and help me to be the kind of person who looks for ways to include others and be the one to extend. When I learned to stop trying so hard and being so eager to those who wouldn’t give me the time of day and channeled that energy into reaching out to others and just being myself it dramatically changed things. It’s so wonderful that she shares her hurts with you and I would maybe see if you could find some kind of devotional or book that she could read that would speak to this season of her life. You are an amazing mama and just keep on praying for her! xoxo

      Reply
  3. Doris Raab says

    November 14, 2017 at 11:19 AM

    This is so beautifully said, and what a great Mom you are!

    Reply
  4. Sarah Braden says

    November 14, 2017 at 11:25 AM

    This is so true and such a good reminder for us, Moms, too. I am thankful for your sharing and appreciate you starting this conversation with all of us!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      November 14, 2017 at 12:00 PM

      So thankful for your friendship and that you are raising your girls to be reacher-outers! xoxo

      Reply
  5. Norma Rolader says

    November 14, 2017 at 12:31 PM

    I love people that bring you in with little gestures and reach out to others … So many people these days do not do that it is sad

    Reply
  6. Michele says

    November 14, 2017 at 4:48 PM

    Love it. All of it. You have surrounded yourselves with worthy friends, and by doing so you are teaching your children well. Bravo. Love love love this post. ♥

    Reply
  7. ROSE says

    November 14, 2017 at 11:39 PM

    This is wonderful, talking of inclusion. It does not always happen and is so hurting when left out. I was the one always on the outside looking in, always teased and left out and not invited. I live my life always being kind and accepting as I know the pain it caused.

    Reply
  8. Kim wilson says

    December 1, 2017 at 12:58 PM

    I have never written any replys ever, but today as I looked at your beautiful home in the Christmas tour,I felt the need to. Your home is beautiful,but your words touched my heart. They reminded me of similar times when my parents who were not wealthy with 8 children of those own always and quietly helped others. My parents are gone now, but our families still carry on their valuable lesson. Thank you and have a blessed season

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      December 1, 2017 at 1:21 PM

      Kim, I’m just humbled and honored that you would leave a reply for me and so appreciate you sharing your heart with me. It sounds like your parents left a truly wonderful legacy and that you are doing the same in your life as well. Many blessings to you this Christmas season and I hope to see you back here again soon! Love, Vanessa

      Reply

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I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consumin I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consuming seasonal decorating. When I think back on the years where I would feel all of the pressure to come up with something fresh and creative I’m seriously embarrassed. Truly. Because it was such a waste. A waste of my time, my energy, my resources. Something clicked with me a few years ago. I was just done. I needed to simplify. I needed to not spend an obscene amount of time looking at fireplace mantels on Pinterest and trying to figure out how to make mine look amazing. I needed to put it all in the proper place in my heart and my mind. Which meant, it had to go waaaaayyyy down on the priority list. So far down it almost wasn’t on it. And I needed to confess to the Lord that I had allowed it to become an idol. 

Yes, I want to have a home that I enjoy. Yes, I love pretty things. But something really amazing happened when I finally released it all. When I decided to not give into the pressure and panic I would feel when I would scroll through my Instagram feed. When I just laid it all down and said…enough. There was this incredible irony in it. Because, the less time I took to decorate my home for each season, the more I found myself loving the results. I think that all along I had just been getting in my own way. It’s really taken a lot of time and prayer for me to finally be at a place where even though I still struggle with insecurities and I still have doubts from time to time, I’m becoming increasingly more confident in who God created me to be. And, just like my home, I’m finding that as I relax into myself, letting go of the comparisons and the pressure, the more I can actually lean into the calling He has placed on my life. 🍂

Leave a comment if you can relate! 

#wearethehomemakers #homemaking
“As the alluring song of September begins to whi “As the alluring song of September begins to whisper in my ear, my passionate spirit yearns for the splendor of its promise.” (Peggy Toney Horton)

Happy September dear friends! While I’m not quite ready to let go of summer and I plan to make the most out of the lingering, warm days, I’ll admit to starting to think about my fall decor this year. And one way to get inspired is to take a look back at previous years. Here’s just a glimpse at some of the ways I’ve welcomed Autumn to my home! 🍂

#september #falldecorating #falldecor #falldecoratingideas #wearethehomemakers
Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning the corner and getting closer to fall but I’m not quite ready to let summer go. So I’ll just be over here continuing to whip up some super simple summer meals for my family that frankly can be enjoyed in any season. These shrimp rolls I made the other night were definitely a hit and would be great for any of your upcoming holiday weekend gatherings!

Shrimp Rolls 🍤

Ingredients
1-2 lbs of shrimp that is peeled, deveined and tail off (If using frozen make sure it’s thawed completely)
1/3 cup mayonnaise 
1/2 of a lemon
2 Tbsps chopped scallions
1 Tbsp chopped dill
1 Tbsp chopped Italian parsley
1 Tsp of Old Bay seasoning (more if you like!)
pinch of sea salt and pinch of black pepper
Hoagie Rolls
Softened butter

Directions: Gently pat the shrimp with a paper towel to remove any excess moisture. Roughly chop the shrimp and place in a bowl. Add mayonnaise, squeeze half of lemon and stir to combine before adding in the scallions, dill and parsley. Stir to combine and then add the additional seasonings. Spread butter on hoagie rolls and toast in the oven until lightly browned. Pile on the shrimp mixture and enjoy! 

#shrimproll #foodie #weeknightdinner #easydinner #seafoodlover
Today has been a very Monday-ish kind of Monday. W Today has been a very Monday-ish kind of Monday. We woke up to the sound of chainsaws and rushed downstairs to find that our backyard neighbors were having two of the huge trees that line our shared fence removed. These trees have been here longer than the neighborhood and no, they weren't dead or causing damage to roofs, foundations, etc. They were beautiful and gave us wonderful privacy. We had no notice of this happening so this came as quite a shock. Because we were given no notice, we didn't have the chance to cover our outdoor furniture or plants and everything is now coated in a thick layer of sawdust including the fresh bark we recently put in the garden beds. And now our lovely privacy is gone, replaced by a direct view of an above ground pool and RV. I know, I know, it's totally a first world, privileged kind of problem to have. But, now we have to spend thousands of dollars on plants to try and recapture some semblance of privacy. Now we have days worth of clean up to do after we had JUST done a massive freshening up of our backyard. My overarching feeling has just been weariness at the way our world is today.

I think about how often we try to do right by people, to be respectful and courteous. To be thoughtful and considerate. And it’s not reciprocated. How its starting to seem more and more like people have just given up on those seemingly small niceties. And my soul just feels heavy. Because I feel like so much of what used to be common courtesy is not so common anymore. Drivers on the roads are angrier and more reckless than ever before. Red lights being run are an everyday occurrence around town. On our recent family vacation, I heard more people using the F word out in public than ever before even while around children. Where are manners? Where is kindness? I'm finding myself being surprised when someone is thoughtful because it seems like a rarity. And that's just all on a micro, local level. Don't even get me started on the insanity in our world/culture. After I returned from grocery shopping (which can also be soul crushing), I found myself desperate for a reminder of the truth. 

*Part 2 continued in the comments.*
How often is it in our lives that we don’t fully How often is it in our lives that we don’t fully grasp our strengths or our weaknesses until we are put to the test? Little did I know how much I would love my role as a wife, mother and homemaker until I became one. And that in my endeavor to do those roles to the best of my ability, it would bring to the forefront gifts and talents and blessings that I use outside of these walls.

As I water others, I’m watered too because it brings such joy to care for those around me. But it can also make me see more clearly the areas in which I’m lacking and be a very humbling reminder of how much I still need to grow and learn.

Proverbs 11:25 says, “Whoever brings blessing will be enriched and one who waters will himself be watered.”

Have you done any ‘watering’ of others this week? How has it blessed and ‘watered’ you in return?
“Mom, this is one of my favorite meals that you “Mom, this is one of my favorite meals that you make.” Statements like this from my kids fill me with so much joy and such a sense of assurance that my role as the maker of this home is one that makes an impact on them in both big and small ways. It’s not just sheet pan shrimp boil. 

It’s nourishment
It’s time together around the table
It’s laughing as we try to get the butter sauce out of the pan
It’s a memory
It’s an imprint on their lives 

The ordinary act of making a meal becomes EXTRAordinary. And I try to keep that in mind as I do this task day in and day out, year after year. 

***

Ingredients: 
1 pound baby red or yellow potatoes
Green beans or corn (4 ears cut in half) whichever you prefer
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon Old Bay seasoning
1/2 tsp coarse sea salt and pinch of black pepper 
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 (12.8-ounce) package smoked andouille sausage, thinly sliced
Crusty bread for dipping 

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly oil a baking sheet or coat with nonstick spray. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook potatoes until just tender, about 10 minutes. Put potatoes, shrimp, sausage and green beans or corn on baking sheet. Pour butter over top. Sprinkle with old bay seasoning and salt and pepper. Mix well to combine. Bake for about 12 minutes or until shrimp is pink. 

#shrimpboil #sheetpandinner #sheetpanmeals #homemaking
Temperatures in the 100’s call for fresh and lig Temperatures in the 100’s call for fresh and light cocktails! My husband is my own built in bartender and he put this together the other night. 

2 jiggers of gin (you could also use vodka) 
*you should do a jig when using a jigger 😉*
Crushed ice 
Grapefruit tonic 
Squirt of lime 
Sprig of mint 

Easy and so refreshing!! ☀️

#cocktails #summercocktails
There is something magical about the late summer e There is something magical about the late summer evenings. Maybe it’s because we have a greater sense of the fact that these long days are slowly shortening and we want to savor them as much as we can. I know I intend to do just that. 

I hope you’re having a wonderful August so far dear friends!
Variations of this recipe are on repeat at our hou Variations of this recipe are on repeat at our house all summer long. We’re big on the ‘build your own’ method of making dinner especially on very hot days. Simplicity for the win! 
#recipes #easydinner #easydinnerideas #homemaking
In music, rhythm is a regular repetition or a grou In music, rhythm is a regular repetition or a grouping of beats. No matter what else a piece of music has in terms of its pitch or tone, the rhythm never changes. Its the stabilizing force and brings order to a composition that would be completely chaotic without it.

The same can be said of rhythms in our lives and in our homes. When everything else feels out of control, rhythms and patterns provide us with stability and something that we can rely upon to give us a sense of security in a very insecure world. But, too often, we associate the rhythmic things we do in our lives as merely tasks to be gotten through rather than gifts which provide much-needed balance.

Whether it’s making the coffee every night before we go to bed or doing my devotional in the morning before the rest of the house wakes up or watering my garden, these simple tasks provide a rhythm to my day that is truly grounding. 

What’s something that you do that you would classify as a rhythm or pattern in your week?
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