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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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May 3, 2018

Community Doesn’t Just Happen in Front of a Barn

I sat on the floor of the playroom our church had so mercifully created just upstairs from the coffee shop. As I built a foam castle with one child and made goofy faces at the baby, the mother of these sweet kiddos poured out her heart to me.

She needed encouragement…reassurance. She needed to hear someone say “You can do this!”

And as we talked I was struck by the fact that if someone were to peek through the window and take in the scene before them, it wouldn’t look anything like the image of community that is so often portrayed in our Instagram feeds.

You guys, there wasn’t an old barn in sight.

No long trestle table covered in mason jars overflowing with wildflowers, the soft glow of candlelight and impeccable place settings made to look effortless and casual…with a barn in the background.

We weren’t standing in a field, heads thrown back in laughter over a joke only we were privy to.

Instead, I juggled my coffee while board books were being piled up on my lap by the toddler and this precious mama attempted to keep the baby occupied with puff cereal so that she could maybe, just maybe, string enough sentences together to convey to me what was on her heart.

It was messy and hard. We were interrupted…a LOT. And yet there were beautiful things happening in that room.

I’m going to admit something to you…I’ve scrolled through my social media and seen those women standing against the side of a barn, clustered together in obvious kinship and felt the envy welling up inside of me. Why has no one ever asked me to wear a crown of flowers on my head and hold hands in a beautiful display of sisterhood?

Why have I never been invited to sit down at that trestle table with the chandeliers hanging from the trees above and the charcuterie boards covered in cheese and other delectable treats. I really like cheese.

And even if I could find a barn to stand in front of or a trestle table in a field, would I be welcomed in my yoga pants and ponytail?

If I were to be invited to that barn (and probably after hitting the publish button on this someone is going to email me about coming to a barn because God just has that kind of sense of humor), I would honestly think it was so much fun. I can frolic through a field with the best of them! I would be honored to stand with my tribe and celebrate the beauty of doing life together. So, please, please, please, hear my heart that I am not condemning these activities. I’m not saying that there isn’t significance and value in them. Because there is!

I just think that somewhere along the line, we’ve begun to hold up those images as an ideal, as the standard. But, the reality is that those are actually a one-off. Those are special moments in time. Like a holiday, a birthday, a weekend getaway or that time I spent less than $50 at Target. They’re not the norm. They’re not the everyday.

For me, the everydayness of community has looked less like an Anthroplogie ad and more like sitting on a couch crying with a friend as she shares about the hard season she is in. Or sitting in my car outside the school talking through a rolled down window to the mom sitting in her car next to me, commiserating over the painful years that are middle school.

It’s looked like taking a crying baby out of the arms of their weary mama at church and walking that little one around and around the lobby so that maybe mom can just sit and enjoy the sermon or even get a little shut-eye since everyone will just think she is deep in prayer.

The everydayness of community for me has looked like getting ready to board an airplane and realizing I had forgotten an important deadline and frantically texting friends begging to be covered in prayer and watching as the words of encouragement come flooding in.

I think that if our perception of what community is supposed to look like is based on what we see on social media, we might just miss it’s true beauty. And, in addition, if our perception of what community is supposed to look like is based on what we see on social media, we might be afraid to even make attempts to build it.

One of my favorite references to community in scripture is found in Hebrews 10:24-25.

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”

There is so much beauty to be found in gathering together, motivating each other, holding one another accountable, investing in someone’s life and having them invest in yours. There is beauty in trying to talk to a friend while pushing your kids on the swings or ugly crying together when life just doesn’t turn out the way you thought it would. There is beauty in pizza boxes stacked on the counter because you wanted to have people over for dinner but didn’t have the time (or the desire!) to plan a fancy meal.

Community can look like so many different things and can happen in so many different places. And one of my greatest fears is that a woman will look at a beautifully staged (but made to look un-staged) photo and think that since nothing in her life even remotely resembles that image, that there isn’t a place for her.

Because there is. There is a place for every.last.one.of.us to be apart of a community.

And it can happen anywhere. On the floor of a playroom or in the pickup line at school, in a coffee shop or in a church. It can even happen in a beautiful old barn or around an elegantly decorated trestle table.

It’s not really about the place, after all. It’s about the heart. And the intention.

And MY intention is that you will always feel apart of a community here. That this would be a place where you are free to just ‘be’. Where I can share my heart and you can share yours and we can do this thing called life together.

So, let’s do it. Let’s have a conversation about what community means to you. Here are some questions to help us get started:

  1. Do you feel like you are apart of a community?
  2. What does community mean/look like to you?
  3. How does social media impact your perceptions of how others are doing community?
  4. How can I be praying for you in this area?

I look forward to hearing from you dear friends,

 

 

22 Comments Filed Under: Community, Devotionals, Faith Tagged With: Faith, God

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Comments

  1. Deborah says

    May 3, 2018 at 4:43 PM

    I wish we lived closer, so we could go find us a barn 🙂

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 4, 2018 at 4:15 PM

      Or run through a field together!! LOL!

      Reply
  2. JoAnn says

    May 3, 2018 at 5:04 PM

    I loved this post. I am blessed to be part of several communities and try never to take that for granted. What I did take away from this post was to challenge myself to invite others into those communities or to start/join additional ones when I meet new people. It is so easy to stay in my comfort zone with my peeps but then I will miss an opportunity to support or be supported.

    Reply
    • Charlene says

      May 4, 2018 at 4:03 AM

      Yes! 😊

      Reply
  3. Katie says

    May 3, 2018 at 6:06 PM

    So good, thank you!

    Reply
  4. Patty says

    May 3, 2018 at 6:16 PM

    Thank you, Vanessa, for being real and offering that safe place! It is so hard “to just be” – social media is hard – even if, in your heart, you know it is not always real life.

    Reply
  5. Esther says

    May 3, 2018 at 8:57 PM

    That was beautifully written. You are right, life just happens where ever we are. I’m a cashier at the grocery store and sometimes my customers say they feel like I’m their therapist. We have only a few moments together between important questions like, “paper or plastic?” When you meet someone you click with you give them your best thoughts. Hopefully you have planted a seed. When they are ready it will grow.

    Reply
  6. ROSE says

    May 3, 2018 at 9:52 PM

    Lovely. I am a part of different communities…my church community supports me in faith, belief and family feelings. My writing community offers support in inspiration, creativity, and friendship. My blogging community gives ideas, wisdom, and encouragement. It is all important t round me out!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 4, 2018 at 4:09 PM

      Rose that is such an incredible thing to be apart of different communities that each bring value to your life. Such a gift!

      Reply
  7. Sandy says

    May 4, 2018 at 2:09 AM

    This post was so on point and really spoke to my soul. I feel a part of my community at church and so love working in the nursery and women’s ministry as I love to support and give to other women. I stopped social media for the most part because I didn’t like the feeling of “not good enough” it provoked and the time wasted when I could be doing other things that bring me joy. I would love to have prayers for continued guidance of where God is leading me to best serve and the courage to take a leap of faith when prompted. Thank you Vanessa for this beautiful community and the opportunity to share.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 4, 2018 at 4:03 PM

      It really is so hard to be on social media and not have those feelings of not being good enough, isn’t it? And yes you are SO right that it really does suck up too much time. I will be praying for you Sandy as you seek wisdom from the Lord about next steps in your life and that even when you don’t feel like you have the courage you will be obedient as He is leading you. Much love! Vanessa

      Reply
  8. Cathy Baker says

    May 4, 2018 at 6:59 AM

    Such a beautiful post, Vanessa. As an introvert, I find my community happens much like you describe (opposite of IG posts) and I’m learning that’s okay. Thank you for validating it once again. Blessings!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 4, 2018 at 4:01 PM

      You are so right Cathy!! Thank you for coming by today and for your kind words. Blessings to you!

      Reply
  9. Ceew says

    May 4, 2018 at 8:41 AM

    Bravo.

    Reply
  10. Mary Caliendo says

    May 4, 2018 at 9:12 AM

    Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this. I feel welcomed and warm with your site. I find community in my church, my writing groups and where ever I can extend my hand as well. Happy spring! 🍃🌷🌷🍃

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 4, 2018 at 4:00 PM

      Mary I am SO glad you feel welcomed here because we love having you part of our community! Happy Spring to you too!

      Reply
  11. Adrienne says

    May 6, 2018 at 9:02 AM

    Community happens in what my dear, little mother used to call ‘Divine appointments’ – in the grocery store, on the phone, beside the mailbox. Wherever God brings people into your life. I think we can just imagine those places are beside the barn. Community – those God moments – are a social media thing. They are all about how open we are for God to use us. Thank you for these beautiful words. So needed today.

    Reply
  12. Maggie says

    May 8, 2018 at 12:17 PM

    Hi, sweet lady. What a delightful read this was! Coincidently, I just posted something much shorter yet with the same important message on Facebook. And when I ready your words about someone feeling as if there wasn’t a place for her, I remember something I read many years ago by Erma Bombeck (whose books are gifts to “imperfect” women!). She wrote about a mom who wrote to her from prison (yes, prison) with thanks and a word of wisdom gleaned from horrible experience. This mother was in prison for killing her children. (I’ll let that sink in.) Not out of evil intentions, she snapped. She was trying so hard to be the perfect wife, mother, housekeeper, etc. that she had a total breakdown and her precious children paid the price. Here’s the punch line though – she wrote to Erma that had she read her stories about not being any where close to perfect and yet being okay with that, perhaps her life, and her children’s lives, would have been so very different. So thank you, Vanessa, for pointing out a truth that is so blurred in today’s social media-driven world. You may have saved a life today. May God bless you.

    Reply
  13. Jeanine says

    May 10, 2018 at 10:38 AM

    Vanessa,
    I love your heart. The Lord shines through you, Thank you! My husband and I moved 3 hours away from where I had spent most of my life about 20 months ago. I’ve been trying to feel comfortable and I now realize what I’m missing. Thanks to your post – Community is my answer! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 11, 2018 at 1:39 PM

      Oh Jeanine! I know how very hard it is to move and start over so I completely understand what you are going through. You truly do need to feel part of a community so I’m very glad that this gave you a bit of encouragement to begin that journey. Much love, Vanessa

      Reply
  14. Harmony Moore says

    July 23, 2018 at 2:43 PM

    I love the community that has happened at my kitchen table, living room, yard – but it’s never whimsical and flow-y. It’s never Adirondack chairs around fire pits but it’s often Mac and cheese sitting on the floor while a billion children crowd the table, it’s tears shared over folding laundry, it’s Voxer messages, it’s doing life. Building true community is hard, and it takes time. Community was much easier to find (and form) when we were a military family; now that we are out it is harder. But I’m so grateful for the people near and far that I can call my own.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. “Where Community Happens” – CarolGraftBlog says:
    May 14, 2018 at 11:15 AM

    […] This post by really resonated with me. While I would love to have an outdoor beautifully set up dinner with my friends…it just isn’t the only way to be real with one another. Hopefully this post will encourage you as well. Real life, real community, real ministry looks very different most of the time than a social media ad. “What Community Looks Like” […]

    Reply

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“Ah, Lovely October, as you usher in the season “Ah, Lovely October, as you usher in the season that awakens my soul, your awesome beauty compels my spirit to soar like a leaf caught in an autumn breeze and my heart to sing like a heavenly choir.” Peggy Toney Horton.

Happy October dear friends! 🍂
On Monday my heart just felt so heavy. Yes, the po On Monday my heart just felt so heavy. Yes, the pouring rain outside contributed to my feelings. But the primary cause was this overwhelming flood of thoughts about how much in our world and in our culture is going off the rails. I’d planned to make pumpkin bread that day but I was tempted to just curl up in a ball on my bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend that this would actually solve something. I didn’t give into that temptation though. Instead, I got out my favorite pumpkin bread recipe and found that, as I worked and prayed and hummed worship songs, my spirit began to settle. When the world feels very loud, the demands of family and home can actually help to quiet our souls. As each family member walked through the door later in the day, they commented on how wonderful the house smelled. It’s better than any fall candle in my opinion! And I knew that the extra loaf that I get from the recipe would be a welcome treat for my widower neighbor. So, if your heart is feeling a bit unsettled this week too, maybe this recipe will come in handy!

Pumpkin Bread:

Ingredients:
1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin puree
4 eggs
1 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup water
3 cups white sugar
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour three 7×3 inch loaf pans.
In a large bowl, mix together pumpkin puree, eggs, oil, water and sugar until well blended. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and ginger. Stir the dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture until just blended. Pour into the prepared pans.
Bake for about 50 minutes in the preheated oven. Loaves are done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. 🍂
Happy first day of Autumn!! 🍂 Here’s a super Happy first day of Autumn!! 🍂 Here’s a super simple centerpiece that you can make in five minutes (or less) with just a few pumpkins and extra faux greenery. Let’s spend less time decorating and more time enjoying this season. It’s my favorite!! 🧡

#fallcenterpiece #falldecor #centerpiece #fiveminutedecorating
"Define your day", she told me as I held my newbor "Define your day", she told me as I held my newborn son. My mom and I were talking about how blurred my days and nights had become and how easy it would be to just stay in my pajamas 24/7. She encouraged me to make an attempt to put on 'real' clothes in the morning even if they were just nice sweatpants (bonus if they were clean!) and to throw a little bit of makeup on. That simple advice helped chart a course for my years of motherhood that continues today. And recently I began thinking about how critical it is that we not only seek wisdom from those ahead of us in our stage of life but that we are willing to apply it as well.

So, I asked this question on my personal Facebook page; "What is something you feel you've done well to create a peaceful/meaningful home for yourself and your family?" The catch was that the question was geared towards women in the 40+ age range. The responses came flooding in and were so wonderful and insightful. So, I'm going to be starting a new series where I share this wisdom with you and will include the first name of the woman who offered it. 

Today we start with Alison who said "I learned to set my alarm early to get up and moving before my kids woke up. I showered, got dressed and did my devotions while the house was quiet. It set my heart and perspective for each day.”

Is this something you do in your life too? What wisdom would you offer to a mom of young children?

I truly think our culture would greatly benefit from more women in different seasons of life being willing to invest in each other. 🍂

#wearthehomemakers #homemaking #motherhood #parentingwisdom
If bread pudding is on the dessert menu at a resta If bread pudding is on the dessert menu at a restaurant I’m definitely ordering it! It’s one of my all time favorite treats. So I decided to try my hand at making some here at home with a little fall twist and it was SO delicious!! 🍎

Ingredients:

6 slices of day old bread (french, sourdough or even brioche works great)
2 cups of heavy cream
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon bourbon (optional)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
For the apples:
3 peeled and chopped apples of a tart variety
1 cup brown sugar
3 tablespoons flour (or corn starch)

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350
Cut bread into cubes and place in a greased 8 1/2 x 11 baking dish
Whisk together in a bowl the eggs, cream, vanilla, rum, cinnamon and nutmeg and then pour it over the bread cubes. In a separate bowl, mix together the apples, brown sugar and flour/corn starch. Pour the apple mixture on top of the bread mixture making sure to spread the apples evenly across every part of the bread mixture.
Bake for 45 minutes. 
Enjoy!

#falldesserts #breadpudding #fallrecipes #desserts
When one kiddo wakes up not feeling well after onl When one kiddo wakes up not feeling well after only a week of school, you take the opportunity to make Saturday a truly restful day. Pancakes on the griddle, puttering around the yard admiring the way the limelights have begun their autumn journey from white to green to pink. Sprinkling touches of fall around the house a little bit at a time. Savoring the slowness of it all and taking care of my people in this place that provides us all with a respite from the world even if just for a day.

Hope you’re weekend is off to a great start and that you make it a priority to slow down for a bit and soak up the beauty around you. 🍂

#wearethehomemakers #homemaking #falldecorating
As summer slips into fall, I can’t help but thin As summer slips into fall, I can’t help but think about how grateful I am for the reminders all around me of God’s Sovereignty over everything including the seasons. It can be challenging in our world today to trust that there isn’t a single thing happening that surprises Him.

In a way, decorating my home to reflect the changing season serves as a tangible reminder of this trust. Even something as simple as seeing a pumpkin on my mantel or a basket of mums on the coffee table fill me with peace because they represent the things that remain constant and true.

“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” Isaiah 40:8

#wearthehomemakers #homemaking #club31women
I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consumin I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consuming seasonal decorating. When I think back on the years where I would feel all of the pressure to come up with something fresh and creative I’m seriously embarrassed. Truly. Because it was such a waste. A waste of my time, my energy, my resources. Something clicked with me a few years ago. I was just done. I needed to simplify. I needed to not spend an obscene amount of time looking at fireplace mantels on Pinterest and trying to figure out how to make mine look amazing. I needed to put it all in the proper place in my heart and my mind. Which meant, it had to go waaaaayyyy down on the priority list. So far down it almost wasn’t on it. And I needed to confess to the Lord that I had allowed it to become an idol. 

Yes, I want to have a home that I enjoy. Yes, I love pretty things. But something really amazing happened when I finally released it all. When I decided to not give into the pressure and panic I would feel when I would scroll through my Instagram feed. When I just laid it all down and said…enough. There was this incredible irony in it. Because, the less time I took to decorate my home for each season, the more I found myself loving the results. I think that all along I had just been getting in my own way. It’s really taken a lot of time and prayer for me to finally be at a place where even though I still struggle with insecurities and I still have doubts from time to time, I’m becoming increasingly more confident in who God created me to be. And, just like my home, I’m finding that as I relax into myself, letting go of the comparisons and the pressure, the more I can actually lean into the calling He has placed on my life. 🍂

Leave a comment if you can relate! 

#wearethehomemakers #homemaking
“As the alluring song of September begins to whi “As the alluring song of September begins to whisper in my ear, my passionate spirit yearns for the splendor of its promise.” (Peggy Toney Horton)

Happy September dear friends! While I’m not quite ready to let go of summer and I plan to make the most out of the lingering, warm days, I’ll admit to starting to think about my fall decor this year. And one way to get inspired is to take a look back at previous years. Here’s just a glimpse at some of the ways I’ve welcomed Autumn to my home! 🍂

#september #falldecorating #falldecor #falldecoratingideas #wearethehomemakers
Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning the corner and getting closer to fall but I’m not quite ready to let summer go. So I’ll just be over here continuing to whip up some super simple summer meals for my family that frankly can be enjoyed in any season. These shrimp rolls I made the other night were definitely a hit and would be great for any of your upcoming holiday weekend gatherings!

Shrimp Rolls 🍤

Ingredients
1-2 lbs of shrimp that is peeled, deveined and tail off (If using frozen make sure it’s thawed completely)
1/3 cup mayonnaise 
1/2 of a lemon
2 Tbsps chopped scallions
1 Tbsp chopped dill
1 Tbsp chopped Italian parsley
1 Tsp of Old Bay seasoning (more if you like!)
pinch of sea salt and pinch of black pepper
Hoagie Rolls
Softened butter

Directions: Gently pat the shrimp with a paper towel to remove any excess moisture. Roughly chop the shrimp and place in a bowl. Add mayonnaise, squeeze half of lemon and stir to combine before adding in the scallions, dill and parsley. Stir to combine and then add the additional seasonings. Spread butter on hoagie rolls and toast in the oven until lightly browned. Pile on the shrimp mixture and enjoy! 

#shrimproll #foodie #weeknightdinner #easydinner #seafoodlover
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