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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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April 11, 2015

Crystal Glasses and Paper Napkins

I’ve always been very hard on myself.

The whole idea of extending grace to others is a far easier concept for me to grasp than extending it to myself. And for years, one of the ways this manifested in my life was in a constant striving for perfection. If I do all of the ‘right’ things and make all of the ‘right’ choices then everything in my life will be ‘right’…right? 😉

Of course, even as I type out those words I realize once again how absolutely ridiculous that sounds.

Because, the reality was, there has been much in my life that hasn’t gone ‘right’ even when I thought I was making the ‘right’ choices. I’ve talked a little bit about that here and here.

cherry blossom centerpiece atthepicketfence.com

Years ago, when I first began hosting special occasions in my home, I would carefully plan out every single detail and agonize if I realized I had forgotten something.

And, in the process, I drove my family crazy. You see, while I would greet the guests at the door with a big smile on my face and arms opened wide, those poor souls living here with me knew that only minutes (or even seconds!!) before, I was running around like a banshee, barking orders and freaking out if anything was out of place.

How fun for them, right? 😉

Eventually, no one really wanted to have people over. Including me. Hosting went from being less about showing others hospitality and more about showing others how ‘together’ we were. When we really weren’t!

spring table setting atthepicketfence.com

So I prayed that God would release me from this perfectionism. This need to have everything so ‘right’.

And you know what? He did!

He helped me understand how much I was getting in my own way. And I’ve come to learn the real meaning of hospitality. And not just hospitality as it’s shown to guests but also (and maybe more importantly!) how it’s shown to those living right here in my home.

But, you know what else God helped me understand?

That being released from perfectionism didn’t mean I had to let go of some of the things that are just inherently ‘me’.

Things like enjoying setting a pretty table.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of times when hosting at our house simply means pizza and beer.

But, there is just something about setting a table for a holiday that feels so timeless. So traditional. And I’m definitely a traditional kind of girl.

For Easter this year though, I gave myself a break. One I probably wouldn’t have given myself all those years ago when I first began hosting holidays.

Oh sure, there was china and chargers and a linen tablecloth. We even used my husband’s grandmother’s silver which was given to us as a wedding gift.

But the centerpiece took all of 5 minutes. Fresh cherry blossoms from trees in my backyard put in simple glass vases and surrounded by battery operated candles.

simple easter tablescape atthepicketfence.com

And when it came time to put out the napkins I paused. Because, well, I really didn’t want to have to wash cloth napkins. I knew that at the end of that day I was going to be wiped out. And the thought of ANOTHER load of laundry was just one thing too many on this already crazy weekend.

Now the old me would have felt like I needed to just suck it up and get out those cloth napkins.

But now, well, now I know how to make the best choice for me and my family.

spring place setting with paper napkins

And now I know that vintage silver can still look beautiful on paper napkins.

Who knows? Maybe next year there will be paper plates on those gold chargers!

It’s a slippery slope folks. 😉

Vanessa signature

P.S. We’re so thrilled to welcome Decor Steals as a sponsor here At the Picket Fence! Every day there is a fabulous new deal and frankly we are having a hard time not buying every single one of them!

decor steals

 

12 Comments Filed Under: Decorating, Devotionals, Easter, Holidays, Spring

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Comments

  1. Hope Williams says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:08 AM

    Good morning Vanessa. Balance. It sounds so simple and yet so hard to find. True story. I used to stand behind my first husband waiting for him to finish at the bath vanity so I could clean it. True, so sadly true!
    Now, it’s my dust and I’ll clean it when I’m ready! Funny how in the process of finding balance we tend to jump over to the other side. Again, landing in the same situation.
    I just turned fifty and I should not have! Im still here for the simple fact that God is good every day. God wanted me to find life and not so much balance. After surviving so much and fighting daily just to stay alive threatened more than just my existence, it almost took my ability to enjoy the simple pleasures of this life.
    For me is was the laughter, a smile, hug, friends, the real essentials of a simple life. I’m learning to live again, slowly. But God gave me “right now” and “so far”. I found that “so far” is perfect! In every way. For today, life is the gift, so far….but the rest of the day is looking really good!
    I pray you enough in all things for today, so far today….

    Reply
  2. Janet says

    April 11, 2015 at 5:09 AM

    I love your story! We must be twins! When everyone would say “you’re so organized!”, I always felt a little guilty. If they only knew what a wreck I was 15 minutes before they arrived! Oh well, there’s nothing wrong with paper napkins and silver. Maybe it will be a new trend! ….. or it already is and we’re just to frazzeled to notice. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  3. Brenda says

    April 11, 2015 at 5:16 AM

    I can so relate to your post…I LOVE having friends over for a specially-planned meal, and setting a beautiful table. I LOVE planning the meal and deciding just how to make the table beautiful, how to make my guests feel the love I have for them and how special their friendship is to me.. The problem…we are never invited to their home???? One evening, I overheard one of my guests say to another guest, “I could never do this, it’s so intimidating!” I could not believe it! I just wish they realized how much joy it brings me, that it is something I LOVE to do. Anyway, I am not going to let a little thing like that, stop me from doing what I love. 🙂 (suggestions appreciated). Oh, by the way…where did you find those lovely paper napkins???

    Reply
  4. Pamela says

    April 11, 2015 at 7:26 AM

    Great story ,that was encouraging,thank you. Love the napkins they were pretty. Have a Blessed weekend.

    Reply
  5. Melanie C. says

    April 11, 2015 at 9:32 AM

    Thank you for being so transparent and connecting with the rest of us who struggle with this exact same disease. I have finally come to a place of rest about many of the same issues. For years I thought that my worth and value in life was based on the amount of effort I put into making my home look great, my clothes fashionable or my knowledge of pop culture relevant but all of that was just a façade because inside I had never truly accepted God’s grace, mercy or appreciation for who I was. I had the head knowledge but the truth of my worth hovered teasingly over my soul like a beautiful hummingbird over a flower. So glad you are gaining freedom and perspective from the lies of perfection = happiness. Continue sharing and encouraging others. These chains can be broken! From one banshee to another.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 11, 2015 at 12:21 PM

      LOL!! Definitely from one banshee to another. 😉 Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It’s so nice to know we aren’t alone in our struggles!

      Reply
  6. Sue. says

    April 11, 2015 at 9:53 AM

    this is so timely , I am having an 80th party for my mom today…with the help of my 2 sisters. Let go of perfectionism will be my motto. Enjoy the family and have fun! Thanks, I needed that!

    Reply
  7. laura@top this top that says

    April 11, 2015 at 12:43 PM

    i know first hand that paper plates look fabulous on any charger! 🙂 Good for you! Those napkins are really cute. I am forever buying paper products when ever I see them on clearance after a holiday. You should start too!

    Reply
  8. Sue Tait says

    April 11, 2015 at 10:34 PM

    Oh my, Apparently I am a member of a very Large Group of BANSHEES… Hahaha… And what good company to be in!

    I also have begun to figure out what is more important and what is less important, and having enough food that tastes good, and serving it in a relaxed atmosphere far outweighs having the perfect linen napkins and the best china on the table. There is nothing wrong with pretty paper plates on your holiday table. The good company and easy mood of the hostess is far more enjoyable to the guest and a lot easier on the hostess’ nerves. (Therefore more enjoyable for HER). And what is the main point of having company for dinner anyway? For them to Enjoy the evening, but ALSO for you to enjoy it with them.

    I was not always this way, but have found that it is so much better for my guests that I have become more and more this way NOW…

    Thank you Vanessa for sharing this. You have really hit the target with me this time!

    Love your page, and all your stories…

    Sue

    Reply
  9. Linda says

    April 12, 2015 at 7:38 AM

    first, where did you get those napkins?? 2nd glad you shared your story. Seems it is similar to many of us creative with perfectionism tendencies women. nothing wrong with pretty tables; everything wrong with the crazy often meaness that comes out because of the perfection quest. 3rd it can be overcome! Happy Sunday! Linda

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 12, 2015 at 8:07 AM

      Thank you so much Linda! And the napkins are from Tuesday Morning. 🙂

      Reply
  10. Donnamae says

    April 12, 2015 at 11:32 AM

    It takes most of us decades to figure out what you’ve figured out about hosting…I speak from personal experience. I used to be a nervous wreck…and yes, there was yelling involved too. Somewhere along the way, I discovered that a clean home, good food and a smile will overcome just about any inadequacies I thought my home had. And, I always, always use paper napkins! 😉

    Reply

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Happy first day of Autumn!! 🍂 Here’s a super Happy first day of Autumn!! 🍂 Here’s a super simple centerpiece that you can make in five minutes (or less) with just a few pumpkins and extra faux greenery. Let’s spend less time decorating and more time enjoying this season. It’s my favorite!! 🧡

#fallcenterpiece #falldecor #centerpiece #fiveminutedecorating
"Define your day", she told me as I held my newbor "Define your day", she told me as I held my newborn son. My mom and I were talking about how blurred my days and nights had become and how easy it would be to just stay in my pajamas 24/7. She encouraged me to make an attempt to put on 'real' clothes in the morning even if they were just nice sweatpants (bonus if they were clean!) and to throw a little bit of makeup on. That simple advice helped chart a course for my years of motherhood that continues today. And recently I began thinking about how critical it is that we not only seek wisdom from those ahead of us in our stage of life but that we are willing to apply it as well.

So, I asked this question on my personal Facebook page; "What is something you feel you've done well to create a peaceful/meaningful home for yourself and your family?" The catch was that the question was geared towards women in the 40+ age range. The responses came flooding in and were so wonderful and insightful. So, I'm going to be starting a new series where I share this wisdom with you and will include the first name of the woman who offered it. 

Today we start with Alison who said "I learned to set my alarm early to get up and moving before my kids woke up. I showered, got dressed and did my devotions while the house was quiet. It set my heart and perspective for each day.”

Is this something you do in your life too? What wisdom would you offer to a mom of young children?

I truly think our culture would greatly benefit from more women in different seasons of life being willing to invest in each other. 🍂

#wearthehomemakers #homemaking #motherhood #parentingwisdom
If bread pudding is on the dessert menu at a resta If bread pudding is on the dessert menu at a restaurant I’m definitely ordering it! It’s one of my all time favorite treats. So I decided to try my hand at making some here at home with a little fall twist and it was SO delicious!! 🍎

Ingredients:

6 slices of day old bread (french, sourdough or even brioche works great)
2 cups of heavy cream
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon bourbon (optional)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
For the apples:
3 peeled and chopped apples of a tart variety
1 cup brown sugar
3 tablespoons flour (or corn starch)

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350
Cut bread into cubes and place in a greased 8 1/2 x 11 baking dish
Whisk together in a bowl the eggs, cream, vanilla, rum, cinnamon and nutmeg and then pour it over the bread cubes. In a separate bowl, mix together the apples, brown sugar and flour/corn starch. Pour the apple mixture on top of the bread mixture making sure to spread the apples evenly across every part of the bread mixture.
Bake for 45 minutes. 
Enjoy!

#falldesserts #breadpudding #fallrecipes #desserts
When one kiddo wakes up not feeling well after onl When one kiddo wakes up not feeling well after only a week of school, you take the opportunity to make Saturday a truly restful day. Pancakes on the griddle, puttering around the yard admiring the way the limelights have begun their autumn journey from white to green to pink. Sprinkling touches of fall around the house a little bit at a time. Savoring the slowness of it all and taking care of my people in this place that provides us all with a respite from the world even if just for a day.

Hope you’re weekend is off to a great start and that you make it a priority to slow down for a bit and soak up the beauty around you. 🍂

#wearethehomemakers #homemaking #falldecorating
As summer slips into fall, I can’t help but thin As summer slips into fall, I can’t help but think about how grateful I am for the reminders all around me of God’s Sovereignty over everything including the seasons. It can be challenging in our world today to trust that there isn’t a single thing happening that surprises Him.

In a way, decorating my home to reflect the changing season serves as a tangible reminder of this trust. Even something as simple as seeing a pumpkin on my mantel or a basket of mums on the coffee table fill me with peace because they represent the things that remain constant and true.

“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” Isaiah 40:8

#wearthehomemakers #homemaking #club31women
I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consumin I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consuming seasonal decorating. When I think back on the years where I would feel all of the pressure to come up with something fresh and creative I’m seriously embarrassed. Truly. Because it was such a waste. A waste of my time, my energy, my resources. Something clicked with me a few years ago. I was just done. I needed to simplify. I needed to not spend an obscene amount of time looking at fireplace mantels on Pinterest and trying to figure out how to make mine look amazing. I needed to put it all in the proper place in my heart and my mind. Which meant, it had to go waaaaayyyy down on the priority list. So far down it almost wasn’t on it. And I needed to confess to the Lord that I had allowed it to become an idol. 

Yes, I want to have a home that I enjoy. Yes, I love pretty things. But something really amazing happened when I finally released it all. When I decided to not give into the pressure and panic I would feel when I would scroll through my Instagram feed. When I just laid it all down and said…enough. There was this incredible irony in it. Because, the less time I took to decorate my home for each season, the more I found myself loving the results. I think that all along I had just been getting in my own way. It’s really taken a lot of time and prayer for me to finally be at a place where even though I still struggle with insecurities and I still have doubts from time to time, I’m becoming increasingly more confident in who God created me to be. And, just like my home, I’m finding that as I relax into myself, letting go of the comparisons and the pressure, the more I can actually lean into the calling He has placed on my life. 🍂

Leave a comment if you can relate! 

#wearethehomemakers #homemaking
“As the alluring song of September begins to whi “As the alluring song of September begins to whisper in my ear, my passionate spirit yearns for the splendor of its promise.” (Peggy Toney Horton)

Happy September dear friends! While I’m not quite ready to let go of summer and I plan to make the most out of the lingering, warm days, I’ll admit to starting to think about my fall decor this year. And one way to get inspired is to take a look back at previous years. Here’s just a glimpse at some of the ways I’ve welcomed Autumn to my home! 🍂

#september #falldecorating #falldecor #falldecoratingideas #wearethehomemakers
Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning the corner and getting closer to fall but I’m not quite ready to let summer go. So I’ll just be over here continuing to whip up some super simple summer meals for my family that frankly can be enjoyed in any season. These shrimp rolls I made the other night were definitely a hit and would be great for any of your upcoming holiday weekend gatherings!

Shrimp Rolls 🍤

Ingredients
1-2 lbs of shrimp that is peeled, deveined and tail off (If using frozen make sure it’s thawed completely)
1/3 cup mayonnaise 
1/2 of a lemon
2 Tbsps chopped scallions
1 Tbsp chopped dill
1 Tbsp chopped Italian parsley
1 Tsp of Old Bay seasoning (more if you like!)
pinch of sea salt and pinch of black pepper
Hoagie Rolls
Softened butter

Directions: Gently pat the shrimp with a paper towel to remove any excess moisture. Roughly chop the shrimp and place in a bowl. Add mayonnaise, squeeze half of lemon and stir to combine before adding in the scallions, dill and parsley. Stir to combine and then add the additional seasonings. Spread butter on hoagie rolls and toast in the oven until lightly browned. Pile on the shrimp mixture and enjoy! 

#shrimproll #foodie #weeknightdinner #easydinner #seafoodlover
Today has been a very Monday-ish kind of Monday. W Today has been a very Monday-ish kind of Monday. We woke up to the sound of chainsaws and rushed downstairs to find that our backyard neighbors were having two of the huge trees that line our shared fence removed. These trees have been here longer than the neighborhood and no, they weren't dead or causing damage to roofs, foundations, etc. They were beautiful and gave us wonderful privacy. We had no notice of this happening so this came as quite a shock. Because we were given no notice, we didn't have the chance to cover our outdoor furniture or plants and everything is now coated in a thick layer of sawdust including the fresh bark we recently put in the garden beds. And now our lovely privacy is gone, replaced by a direct view of an above ground pool and RV. I know, I know, it's totally a first world, privileged kind of problem to have. But, now we have to spend thousands of dollars on plants to try and recapture some semblance of privacy. Now we have days worth of clean up to do after we had JUST done a massive freshening up of our backyard. My overarching feeling has just been weariness at the way our world is today.

I think about how often we try to do right by people, to be respectful and courteous. To be thoughtful and considerate. And it’s not reciprocated. How its starting to seem more and more like people have just given up on those seemingly small niceties. And my soul just feels heavy. Because I feel like so much of what used to be common courtesy is not so common anymore. Drivers on the roads are angrier and more reckless than ever before. Red lights being run are an everyday occurrence around town. On our recent family vacation, I heard more people using the F word out in public than ever before even while around children. Where are manners? Where is kindness? I'm finding myself being surprised when someone is thoughtful because it seems like a rarity. And that's just all on a micro, local level. Don't even get me started on the insanity in our world/culture. After I returned from grocery shopping (which can also be soul crushing), I found myself desperate for a reminder of the truth. 

*Part 2 continued in the comments.*
How often is it in our lives that we don’t fully How often is it in our lives that we don’t fully grasp our strengths or our weaknesses until we are put to the test? Little did I know how much I would love my role as a wife, mother and homemaker until I became one. And that in my endeavor to do those roles to the best of my ability, it would bring to the forefront gifts and talents and blessings that I use outside of these walls.

As I water others, I’m watered too because it brings such joy to care for those around me. But it can also make me see more clearly the areas in which I’m lacking and be a very humbling reminder of how much I still need to grow and learn.

Proverbs 11:25 says, “Whoever brings blessing will be enriched and one who waters will himself be watered.”

Have you done any ‘watering’ of others this week? How has it blessed and ‘watered’ you in return?
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