The other night I was finally getting around to folding the laundry that had been piled up on the love seat at the foot of my bed when it happened.
I know I should have been more prepared for it. I mean, there had been warning signs leading up to this point but I must have ignored them.
I went to put my sons white socks in his pile and my white socks in my pile when I realized I had mixed them up.
Because they were so close to the same size.
When did this happen??? How did this happen??? It cannot be possible that my little boy has feet that are almost as big as mine and will very soon surpass mine in size.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m standing on a precipice. I know I can’t go back but I’m clinging to the last bits and pieces of this season in my life. Of little hands that still instinctively reach for mine when we’re crossing the street or just walking through the park. Of wooden puzzles and trains that rarely get played with anymore but I can’t bring myself to part with. Of a boy who will be 10 next week but still has a vivid imagination and even humors his sister by pretending to be her pet cheetah or various other animals. I sneak in at night and watch him sleeping and he looks like he did when he was four. He still has ‘Paco’, his trusted stuffed horse, nestled in with him and I wipe his hair off his forehead. And I pray for him.
Then I catch a whiff of that not-so-pleasant “boy” smell that seems to follow him everywhere these days no matter how often he showers and I’m reminded of that precipice.
It’s not that I don’t totally and completely enjoy the moment’s of today and look forward to the moment’s of tomorrow!
It’s just that I feel so intensely the proverbial finishing of one chapter of the book and beginning of the next.
Life is a series of precipices, isn’t it? And we arrive at the edge of each one knowing full well that there are more ahead.
So, I do those things that provide continuity. The things which seem to be invisible threads running between each precipice.
Things like baking.
And so I make my almost double-digit boy Homemade Toaster Pastries.
Because he loves pie crust and would frankly be happy with just a plate of pie crust with nothing on it or baked into it.
But, I thought he might like these too. Little rectangles of pie crust filled with strawberry jam. Others filled with Nuetella (those may or may not have been eaten in a matter of seconds!).
And topped with icing or powdered sugar. Or both.
He wanted both.
As he sat at the counter eating the warm, fresh from the oven toaster pastry we talked and laughed and everything felt so much…the same. We’ve had this moment before, him sitting at the counter eating and chattering while I cleaned the kitchen.
And we’ll have it again.
And, maybe next time I’ll make his dreams come true and just give him a plate full of pie crust!
Ingredients
- Refrigerated Pie Crusts (Store bought or homemade)
- Filling of your choice (I used both jam and Nuetella)
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 375
- Roll out pie crust on floured surface.
- Use sharp knife or pizza slicer to cut dough into appx. 8 rectangles.
- Place 1 Tbsp. of filling on a rectangle and then top with another piece.
- Repeat until you have 4 filled toaster pastries.
- Press edges down to seal and then crimp with fork.
- Prick tops of the crust with fork 3-4 times.
- Back for 10-12 minutes.
- Remove from oven and allow to cool completely.
- Top with homemade icing or powdered sugar.
Thanks so much for meeting me here At the Picket Fence today,
Oh, Vanessa… I am right there with you on that precipice. My son is 11 and 1 inch shy of being my height. His feet are already bigger than mine and I feel him pulling away ever so slightly into that very natural (yet painful for mothers) next stage of independence. Enjoy the view from the precipice as long as you can and get your grappling hook ready to climb to the next one. Hope your week is wonderful!
Blessings,
Nici
Vanessa,what a poignant and beautiful post!!!! My little boy got married last month and on Sunday we are having another celebration here to honor Chris and his bride! I can still see, in my mind, the flash of white blonde hair of a little four year old boy as he dashed and darted everywhere he went with exuberant energy. I have held on to the little baseball caps and school papers and dinosaurs like they are priceless artifacts… and in fact they are!!!! I can still feel his dimpled hand in mine. Oh, I love those little dirty, busy hands!
But in place of those little boy things I now get wonderful and deep conversations and phone calls from a young married man with a deep and compassionate voice. Now when I hug him he holds me and the warmth of his love fills me to my very core! Now he worries about me… and brags about me and holds my hand and prays for me.
I love the way you write about each season of our children’s lives as a precipice… beautifully put. We can’t stay where we are and we can’t go back. And really that is a good thing. God has so many blessings ahead when take the inevitable leap off that tall cliff and embrace what is in front of us.
Sorry for the long comment. Your post was exceptional and stirred up so many precious memories!!!! I’m sure you will feel as blessed by the smelly little boy (Oh, I remember that stage well!) when he becomes a young man! I marvel at what a good mom you are!!!
BTW~ the toaster pastry looks fabulous!
What a wonderful, wonderful post full of poignancy. I am with you….the merry go round is spinning and I want to get off and freeze each moment.
Thank you for blessing me today!
karianne
What a lovely post! I remember those days (my boy is now 26)! Enjoy every minute…..even the “stinky” ones! LOL! Now, I’m hungary!~~Angela
Vanessa I want to cry reading this. We just threw my son a surprise 16th birthday party yesterday. It’s not even possible that he is 16 already. He is taller than me. I miss holding him and dancing around the family room singing to him. If I sang now I think he would die of embarrassment! My kids love pastry dough too and I fill it with grape jelly and bake it. I don’t do as good a job as you sealing off the edges so usually there is a mess of jelly that has seeped out to clean up. Great post!
I had a little hurt in my chest as I read this because I really do remember exactly the spot on which you are standing. I’m approaching another one of my own in a year, and I don’t like it. I would gladly run and pretend it isn’t there, but I have discovered that that doesn’t work.
Hugs to you, and thanks for the recipe.
My now grown daughter would have loved that growing up.
Sighing just a little.
Oh Vanessa, what a beautiful post! I’m with you on this one. Jordan and I can now share socks, he’s 10…how did this happen??? The biggest joy I have is that he still wants to snuggle, he still grabs my hand, his eyes light up when I walk into the classroom…I cherish those moments. Enjoy every second! Hugs
XO
Kristin
Oh and thanks for the yummy recipe, the boys would love this!
YUm! I love making homemade pastries and these are no different. I haven’t made any in a while though, i think you’ve made up my mind for breakfast sometime this week though.
Our grandson cannot possibly be smelly – ever!! Love that boy!
I still smile everytime my nine year old grabs for my hand in the parking lot; he’s likely to be taller than I am in two years, and I treasure that sweet instinctive grasp.
It’s hard mommying. Sometimes it’s really tough on the heart.
Thanks for sharing.
Yummy-looking recipe; I need to try it.
~april
I seem to be in a permanent stage of reminiscing these days as my children are all in their teens (and above). I remember when my four were all so tiny and “older women” would constantly say how fast time flies in life with a child. I didn’t believe them at the time but it is oh so true.
And thanks for the pastry recipe, I’m going to have to try this one!
Mmm… that does look yummy.
Our little ones grow all too quick and suddenly they are adults… and you are left wondering where the years went. Enjoy those precious everyday moments of watching them grow Vanessa.
What a lovely post, Vanessa. Motherhood is filled with these realizations, isn’t it? Somehow pain and sweetness mingle together, and time just keeps inching forward.
Thanks for sharing your heart, and these yummy looking pastries!
Jeanette @ Creating a Life
A house once full of children, now home for one teen girl and my last(if I can say..he’s soon to be 7) little boy. Years passing by can be so bittersweet. I did enjoy the home poptart recipe! So simple..I can’t imagine why I’ve never thought to do it. Thanks for sharing.
Beautiful post Vanessa… next Thursday the oldest graduates from High School. Where did the time go? Love the toaster pastry idea – I love pie crust too so I’m with your boy on that!
xoxo, Claire
Those look delicious! And I don’t have any kids, but my baby sister is graduating high school next week and I just don’t know how that’s happening!
My son is 27 and has two sons of his own, but he’ll always be my “baby.” Very sweet post, perfectly expressed:) The pastries look delicious.
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