Oh friends. I had been so looking forward to writing this blog post. In fact, I had it written in my head weeks ago. I’ve been waiting and waiting to get a copy in my hands and then I was going to shout it from the rooftops.
I was going to say, “It’s me. ME! I’m in Better Homes and Gardens!! Can you believe it?!”
And then I received my copy in the mail.
I ripped open the package and quickly flipped to the ‘I Did It’ feature on the last page.
There I was. All of me. ALL of me. Head to toe.
And it took only a few seconds for me to be flooded with insecurity. I stood there at my kitchen island with my precious, excited family crowding around me to get a look at the page and all I could think was that I wanted to crawl into a hole.
My 12 year old son quickly brought some levity to the moment by pointing out that my feature was right next to a giant ad for dog food which for some reason he found hilarious. Boys.
I closed the magazine and resumed making dinner but all the while the thoughts were creeping in….whispering…taunting.
“Why did you wear THAT outfit?”
“Why do your folded arms look so awkward?”
“Why did you go with the shirt that kind of bunches up in the middle?”
“Why couldn’t they have airbrushed your face more?”
“Who are you to think that you even belong in this magazine in the first place?”
Here I was, having this amazing experience, this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and rather than being able to just enjoy the moment, I was tearing myself apart.
The next morning, things began to explode on Facebook. I was being tagged left and right by fantastic, supportive friends and family who were all so thrilled for me and wanted to celebrate this achievement.
But every time the photo of me in the magazine was shared I cringed.
Later that day as I was driving to pick up my son from school, I found that my inner turmoil had reached it’s peak. As I wound my way along the country road, I felt the desire for quiet, for peace, become overwhelming. I turned off the radio, let my shoulders relax a bit and looked around at the beauty of that crisp, winter day.
And all I could think was, why do we do it to ourselves? Why when there is so much positive do we focus on the negative?
Why was I allowing my insecurities to overshadow what should be a wonderful moment in my life?
I pulled into the parking lot and for once was thankful that my usual parking-lot buddies (the other middle school moms who I sit and gab with while we wait for our kids) weren’t there. Because I knew what I needed to do.
I sat there in the quietness of my car and prayed. You see, when I first found out that I was going to be in Better Homes and Gardens, I immediately whispered the same words I always whisper when an opportunity presents itself.
“For YOUR glory, Lord, not mine.”
But here I was, making things all about me. All about what I perceived to be my flaws. And I was allowing all of the negative thoughts to steal away the joy of the moment. The joy that I believed God allowed to come into my life as part of His greater purpose.
And I realized how much I struggle with simply being in the moment. With just receiving. With allowing myself to actually celebrate an accomplishment.
I realized that it was easier to pick myself apart than to deal with the REAL reason I was struggling.
When it comes down to it, I feel so incredibly undeserving of anything that it’s much easier to pick it all apart than to give it any sort of merit.
As I sat there in my car praying, I could feel God telling me words of truth. Words that started as a whisper and were in a stiff competition with all of the whispers of insecurities, but words that grew louder and louder.
He told me that no, I didn’t deserve ANY of it. It wasn’t ever about being deserving. The opportunities that I’m getting have nothing to do with my value, my worth, my deservedness.
He told me that by focusing on the negative, I was actually being selfish. I was taking back the moment I had originally given to Him.
And He told me that it was ok to look at the page in the magazine and smile. To allow myself to be celebrated by family and friends. To just enjoy the moment for what it is.
A really neat thing that happened in my life.
But a neat thing that doesn’t define me or define my life. And suddenly, as I put it all back into the proper perspective, I felt the peace washing over me.
And with it came the reminder that perhaps I had neglected to do something when I held that magazine in my hands for the first time.
I had forgotten to thank Him. To remember that I want my legacy to be that I was a woman who was gracious in accepting praise but ALWAYS pointed to Him.
I could have just done what I had originally planned to do here. A quick, “Here I am in Better Homes and Gardens! Yay!” kind of blog post.
But (and I might be way off here but I don’t think I am), I suspect that that’s not why you come to the picket fence.
I think that you come because in the midst of the home decor and crafts and recipes, you will hear from our hearts. Maybe even find a nugget or two that you find resonates with your own heart.
Our desire has never been for any of it to be about us. It’s always been for this to be a community where we can support and encourage each other in the journey. So we’ve tried to keep it real. Sometimes brutally, painfully real. We’ve talked about weight loss and infertility and other struggles.
As we head into a new year, our promise is that this will continue to be a safe place. A place where we share our lives; our real, messy, beautiful lives. And a place where you can share yours too.
Because you are always welcome, just as you are, right here At the Picket Fence!
I was so excited to see you (all of you!!) in BHG this month….because I’ve been following At The Picket Fence for a long while…and I know that both of you are a genuine, real person with real struggles, and a heart and home that is in the process of becoming beautiful inside and out! Thanks for sharing all of it.
I was excited and in awe for you. I love that platerack! I did not see any flaws at all. I do understand the way we undermine ourselves, though. I am happy that you found a way to reset your mind. CONGRATULATIONS! you earned it!
I am a lifetime BHG subscriber and know no one more deserving on being on their pages. You looked darling in your outfit and the crossed arms look natural to me. It is always hard to know what to do with our arms/hands when we get our picture made. I’m glad you didn’t do the coed pose (hand on hip) :). You have a beautiful smile and that is what most people focus on.
You are right….I come here because your love for the Savior shines through in your posts.
I hope God blesses you richly in 2016!
I saw it and I love it!!!! Thank you for the follow up with this wonderful post!!!!! Yes, we must all give God ALL the glory!!!!!!
Thank you for your honesty. I think you are beautiful!
Wow! Great project and SO VERY COOL being in my favorite magazine!
GREATJOB!
Jan
Great post! It’s all His!
Congratulations on your BH&G story. You look lovely.
You always git it right. Give Glory to God for all he has done.
I only saw beautiful YOU when I opened my copy of BHG! So glad you cleared your mind so that you could be joyous in your achievement.
Oh, Vanessa! I love your journey and your heart. Thank you so much for sharing the good and the bad, because don’t we all learn from it and know we aren’t alone in our journey?
I loved seeing you on that back page. It was like seeing a friend and I was so excited for you!
Again, so happy that you get to do this and share your beautiful testimony.
xoox
Sweet Vanessa, you look beautiful in that article. Got my copy about 10 days ago and was so happy to see you there. Thanks for sharing your thought process about giving God the glory and enjoying the moment.
When my BHG arrived I shouted from the office…Vanessa’s in BHG and my hubby came running. He thought something happened. I recognized you right away…not the observations you made. I saw standing there a proud, confident woman with a genuine smile. I was so thrilled that I knew who you were.
I’m quick to judge myself…but as i read your reflections and thought back to the day my magazine arrived…it really drove the message home to me how critical we are about ourselves as women. We allow ourselves to judge who we are …when it truly is not how we are seen.
I think you look totally amazing and you so deserve this feature. Congratulations and Blessings.
Congratulations Vanessa……lv your plate rack, would lv to try that idea in the future. Thanx for reminding all of us here how we so often are critical of ourselves……Others see us as beautiful people, and we are……cause we were all made in HIS image! Thanx again, and Happy New Year from Canada!
Your writing is beautiful..!! So lovely and from the heart!! I too loved your pic & article…but I needed to hear about giving God all the glory…again!! God bless you & thank you !! Keep up the great work.
Congratulations! Beautiful picture, beautiful heart!
May God continue to richly bless you..
It is a truth that many of us feel the same level of anxiety when we are in the spotlight. But, from outside of your head you look amazingly appropriate for the story. The jeans, fashionable shirt, pop of color in the sweater. The outfit looks just right in Better Homes and Gardens and so do you. I love your gentleness and fragility and how clearly they come through on your blog, but you are not frail in the least and God knows YOU DO BELONG right where he is leading you. Yay! You are in Better Homes and Gardens!!!!!!!!
The article/feature was awesome and so are you!!!….You looked confident and proud!…And must say that I love what you chose to wear….You are saying that you are a mom like millions of others and you too can “do it”…Nothing could be better than being recognized for your talents in the iconic shelter magazine such as Better Homes and Gardens…..I turned to the back of the magazine as soon as I got it in the mail last week….It was fantastic!!!….Bravo Vanessa!!
Your message touched my heart. Congratulations on BH&G and, more important, on the realization and insight that allowed you to enjoy it!
I am so excited for you, Vanessa- what an amazing accomplishment. You and your home look gorgeous!!
1. You are SO beautiful
2. The world needs talented, vital Christian women who live for God and Family.
3. You are a breath of fresh air…can’ wait to see what is coming next
This is a lovely post – and your magazine article is lovely as well! Congratulations on being in the magazine! I love the idea!
P.S. Heather looked wonderful in her article this week too!
Do you know that you two are just loved by so many fans out here? Lol!
I just saw your smile. Keep on shining. Be the light that this world needs.
I love that plate rack, the styling & you look fabulous Vanessa!! Congratulations , so well deserved!!!
Happy Monday!!
Paige.Rose
from
http://www.TheQuaintSanctuary.blogspot.com
Thank you for sharing from your heart….again. That is why I love your blog! I was so excited when my issue came in the mail because I love that “a friend” had been published. But I can so relate to what you write now, because that is so often the message in my head. But the real message really is “To God be the Glory”!
First, I totally liked the spiritual lesson I can learn from your post today ( no, I’ve not been published anywhere but I won a rug wink) …but the pick ourselves to pieces moments. Your age with middle school kids who can also have ways to put us down a bit can be rough times for our feelings of femininity. God makes us age gradually and at that first sign that we don’t look as great as at fifteen we self criticize. Why do we do that?? I think Sarah had self esteem problems over Hagaii. Rebecca over Leah. (Rachel? I always get those two confused). So I think your post on what TO DO when caught in this snare was superb. Holy Spirit guided. Thank you!!!
And I’d gotten the magazine too but I have facial recognition problems so I’d never have known you, but I didn’t quite understand the project until the post today. I thought you’d gone between studs. But now I see you did not. And that you change out your platters too. So neat!! I’d have given you half that dog food page to fill readers like me that don’t quite catch on so easily. Lol
Congratulations!!! You LOOK BEAUTIFUL!! Love, love!! : )
I like reading your blog and I was so excited to see you in my Better Homes and Gardens! I felt like a friend of mine had made it into the magazine. I don’t often comment, but was so excited for you and all of us, your followers.
Congratulations, Vanessa! I saw the post on the blog and loved the display shelf. I got my January issue of BHG, and there you were with your creation! Awesome and good for you. Regards, Judy
Oh, sweet friend!! Precious!! Loved this and cried all the way through it…feeling your heart and the insecurities and thankful balance we all struggle through!!! Two reasons to celebrate!! YOU are in Better Homes and Garden!!!! AMAZING!!! And that you thanked Him!!! ❤️
I am so sorry you had that initial reaction. When I saw the image my first reaction was “I hope I can look that radiant and relaxed if I ever get featured in a magazine. You and your home looks great! I can understand how you feel about letting the accomplishments be ok to celebrate. I have had some great moments with my little blog and with each one has come a weird feeling of not wanting to shout it out, not wanting to “brag” or even take the compliments. As if accomplishing something and my hard work do not deserve to be celebrated like anyone else. We are all a work in progress and I am so happy you found the piece, that strength and that joy in your moment!
AWESOME! Congrats sweet girl, you deserve it, wow, a national, prestigious and beautiful magazine, Vanessa! I know, we are such bad judges of ourselves and mean too! Actually, my first impression of your pic was that I loved your look for someone who was projecting been confy and secure of yourself in your own home and that is…young and pretty!
FABBY
PS: Almost forgot! I love that tray rack, I will make me one, see, what an inspiration too!
what an authentic post. And I get it that you hunted for flaws in your appearance. Thanks for sharing that with all of us who always do that. I have the benefit of years…this post made me think of a photo a friend passed on a few weeks ago that was taken while I was still raising a family. When I saw it I thought, DANG! Was I ever cute! Then I remembered that when I saw it back then I had picked everything apart from hair, to outfit, to posture! Just like you did. I was reminded that I was and AM adorable/beautiful/amazing in Christ and I had wasted those years instead of being wonderfully grateful and joyful about the life He had given me. Please please tell your readers how stinkin’ adorable they are right now! A man told me once that before he came to Christ he was always drawn to Christian gals because they were so beautiful.
Seriously???? You look soooo beautiful!!! And on a more practical note, the idea of a shelf to hold those big plates and platters just lit up a light bulb in my head as I’ve been struggling to find a place for all my big platters. I went back and looked at the picture – no, no need to airbrush that lovely face. Bunched up shirt? Didn’t see that either. You’re a star, you look like a star, you glow and for the masters at BH& G, if they’d seen the need for any changes, you can be sure they would have made them. Savor your moment, you deserve it!
To God be the glory! How wonderful that you are in BHG and your plate rack – that is one of my favorite DIY posts. You look fabulous!!
Everything about the photo is lovely and relaxed. Your smile is as warm and comfortable as it would be if you were leaning there talking with a beloved friend who had come over for a visit.
Honest. 🙂
Congratulations! How exciting to be featured in BHG! I love what you did with that empty space and it will certainly help me look at my house differently. You look wonderful, and you look very happy with how your design turned out. Enjoy!
I loved seeing your piece in Better Homes and Gardens! The rack was wonderful and I liked your collection that you chose to put in there. We all look to the negative too much but your positive change is inspiring. Thanks for sharing. Milena
I love you Vanessa – just for being who you are – always the same, always consistent in your life! You are a blessing to your Dad and me! Mom
I was so tickled to see you in the BHG magazine!! You looked so pretty, and I thought the plate rack was so clever!!
Vanessa, I’m so glad I stopped by to read today! This post really blessed me, because of your heart and letting us in on that intimate conversation with God. I can. so. relate. with you(!) on the insecurities setting in even when God has done something wonderful and like you said for His glory! My friend (if you will), this is a beautiful picture of you and your home in the magazine and nothing less! I’m so happy for you and I am one of those readers that certainly comes back to hear your heart on life even more than your amazing home ideas! Thanks again for sharing this backstory with us!!
Blessings from Kentucky,
Leslie
Congrats, Vanessa! I’m just sad I haven’t gotten my copy, as sometimes my mail gets delivered incorrectly. And who wouldn’t want to keep a great magazine like BHG, instead of passing it to its rightful recipient? Speaking of rightful recipient, you are the one! A fine accomplishment of which you can be proud.
Congratulations Vanessa! I was so happy to see your feature- and don’t think for a moment it was not well deserved, they wouldn’t have picked you if you didn’t!
I don’t think any of us really like seeing ourselves in pictures- but you did look really pretty!
Catherine
ps- I’ll bring my copy to Haven and have you autograph it! ; D
All I can say – is that I think everyone feels like that from time to time. And you look amazing – but that’s beside the point! You have accomplished something many people dream of! You did it! I love that you share your moment of happiness, because yes, smile! Cherish the support you have from you are loved ones! This is amazing!
saw it and came here! loved the plate rack. i have the same kind of end wall, and years ago added a one can deep cabinet and china glass cabinet on top. anyway, nice job and pretty blog!
Vanessa, a huge congratulations on your magazine shoot. YOU look GORGEOUS! And thank you for your honesty and the way you share how our great God worked in your life! YEs, to HIS glory!!! You are amazing and I love you! xo Yvonne
Thank you so much sweet friend!
Great post! Why as women do we do that to ourselves in the first place? I see absolutely nothing wrong with that picture, but if it was me, I’m sure I also would pick it apart! If BHG put you in their magazine then your stuff must be good enough for it. 🙂
I am trying to get your directions for this PlateRack. It is just what I need in my kitchen. I have gone on BHG.com but don’t seem to find it. can you help. Thanks. What a great idea.
Hi Joyce! Here is the link to my directions for the plate rack. Please let me know if you have any questions! 🙂 http://www.atthepicketfence.com/2014/05/diy-wall-plate-rack.html
Got the directions and my brother-in-law made it for me. I love it. I painted it black to match my kitchen cabinets.
I really enjoyed your article and then was so excited to find out you are only one hour away from me in Eugene/Springfield, OR. I always find your articles interesting and most relevant to my style of decorating. I do not own a home, but we are renting a duplex. It is difficult to find articles relating to a temporary way of decorating some things. Thanks for such interesting and fun ideas for my home.
Well the FIRST thing I noticed was your radiant smile as I turned the page … wonderful! But the second, and one that made me suck in my breath was … we live in the same city!?! What??? Little tiny Salem, that can’t even have a Home Goods OR Hobby Lobby (although both are somewhat close)! Little Salem is home to one of my favorite bloggers? As you know, nothing exciting happens here, until now!! You are amazing and He created you to bless and teach all of us – I doubt anyone looked at how your arms were folded!
LOL Rebecca!!! Maybe you and I can start a petition to get a Home Goods and Hobby Lobby here! It’s always so fun to connect with other folks in the area and thank you so much for your very encouraging and thoughtful words. Hope we get a chance to meet in person sometime! <3
Hi,
I was just looking to your blog to ask where to buy the shirt???? I love it!
Hi Megan! The wine colored shirt is from Nordstrom and the mustard color sweater is from Target. 🙂
It’s the wine-colored shirt. Do you happen to know the brand? I looked on
Nordstrom’s site, and it’s endless. 🙂 Thanks a bunch!
Congrats! Great idea and use of practical space & beautifying a room! I’m new to your site and within the first blog reading I’m thankful to have found yours! So refreshing and truly a blessing to have you share your faith, along with your talents and your ideas! Looking forward to enjoying much to come!
When I opened my BUG magazine I thought, ” I “know” her! Lol I am a lurker, but had to drop in and say that you are beautiful and so is the photo. I think we as women are our own worst critics. I am trying to overcome that with God’s help.
Blessings~
Oh thank you so much Sandi! Blessings to you too!
Right now we’re in the process of drawing the plate rack for a wall I have in our kitchen, white and empty, waiting for me to make your great plate rack.
Again, I’m so happy for your magazine featuire and thank you for the inspiration.
FABBY
Oh I just LOVE that you are going to make one Fabby!! Thank you so much for being such an encouragement to me. Make sure you let me know how yours turns out! <3