I slowly pulled myself up off the floor. legs numb. eyes blurry from staring at the screen in the dark. I knew he would need breakfast before I helped him gather his backpack up and then stood outside, as was our routine, on that crisp, cool morning to watch him get on the bus. Routine. Nothing was routine. I could hear her babbling in her crib. Talking to stuffed animals. She was always so good at entertaining herself. I stumbled into her room and lifted her out. Holding her tightly to me. Smelling her head. breathing in deeply. life.
She and I stood at the door and watched him run to the bus. Little boys run everywhere, don’t they? For just a moment I panicked. I wanted to shout for him to come back and spend the day here with us. Safe in our home. The world was not the same anymore. It had become a scary, fearful place. Where planes flew into buildings and crashed into fields. Where buildings fell to the earth in 12 seconds
and where selfless public servants (men like his daddy) died by the hundreds going into those buildings. Where our military is attacked at it’s very center. Where our government flees from the institutions that house it. I swallowed my words and I whispered a prayer over him into my sweet baby’s hair.
24 hours earlier. Coffee in hand. Barney on the TV. I log into my “Mommies Group” online. My friends. Tethered to each other over the internet. We had gone through our pregnancies and this first year of our precious babies lives together. We spent our days off and on chatting about raising children. marriage. life. A message pops up on my monitor…Hey Heather. Hey! Have you turned on the TV this morning? Um yeah..to Barney. You need to turn on the news. Okay??
A whimper of protest as the happy dancing dinosaur disappears from the screen. I would own the TV for the next week. Newscasters looking confused. Did I just see that right? Did I just see a plane fly into a building in New York?! Horrific. what a horrific accident! I peer at the screen. Trying to grasp what I have seen. It’s footage and they are playing it over and over. Live now. People panic. running in the streets. Reporter running with them while trying to capture the chaos. Then they pause. and look up. I stand in front of my TV in shock. I feel like I am standing on the street with them. I can’t breathe. They look up. I look straight ahead. We all watch another plane fly into World Trade Tower Two. Right in front of our eyes.
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| Photograph by Patrick Witty |
This is not an accident. This is not a random occurrence. We are under attack. I collapse next to my pajama clad baby. My eyes frozen on the screen. Trying to comprehend. Trying to find some rationale in what I am seeing. She crawls over to me. Patting my face and trying to get my attention. I pull her onto my lap and we sit. I sat. all day. all night. the blue light permeated our living room. I couldn’t NOT watch. I wanted to understand. There was no understanding.
10 years later. Our life has changed so much since then. The little boy is months from becoming a man. That sweet baby is a long legged, beautiful pre-teen. Their daddy spends his days now making sure 9/11 never happens again on his watch. It’s his job. It’s his passion. It’s our life. Our life. We get to live a life. A gift taken from so many on that day.
There are so many who are remembering. The television knows no bounds with the specials reflecting back on that day. Most are wonderful and respectful. Some not.
My blood boiled. Did I really just see that promo flash across the screen?! When pop culture SAVED America! Let me show you who did the SAVING on 9/11…
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| Photograph by Shannon Stapleton / Reuters |
These are the faces of those who helped save Americans on that day. I want to see their faces and hear their words. Not the words of some pop icon who was sitting comfortably in their home in the hills of LA on that day. I never want to forget who made the ultimate sacrifices that morning, who are still making horrific sacrifices with their health as they suffer the consequences of spending days and days at Ground Zero.
And on this Sunday of remembrance let us never forget who is our SAVIOR…He who brings peace that passes all understanding…
May We Never Forget….
P.S. This post is dedicated to my sweet online mommy friends who helped me get through that week and make sense of it all. You remind me everyday of all that is good in this world. Love you my friends.
*Attempt was made to acknowledge all sources of photography. If a photographed is not sourced and you know the source of the original photograph please let me know and I will list them.
A Day of Remembrance…..beautiful photos.
I am with you heart and soul. My post tomorrow is a poem I wrote after I got home from work about 911- May we NEVER forget. This was a beautiful post! xo Diana
AMEN HEATHER! What a beautiful post. I can’t believe it’s been 10 yrs since I looked across the river and fell the ground shake as the first tower fell. I can’t believe that it’s been ten yrs since I and many others wondered where our loved ones were when they didn’t make it home that night. Some never made it. Others walked across the bridge and all the way home. May God bless those like your husband who spend every day of their lives making sure this never happens again to any of us. May God provide comfort to those whose Dads, Moms, and family members never made it home, those who perished saving others’ lives. And may God bless America!!!!
Beautiful…It was a very painful time in our country. But it is good to remember the heroes of that time and never forget.
Beautifully written. I was a military wife at the time of 9/11 and living on a Marine Base. I just wrote how I remembered that day. Surreal to say the least. Even the memories the pictures conjure don’t do justice to the emotion of that day. I’m glad you had a supportive mommy group to get you through. xo, Reannah
This is such a well-written post. Thank you.
I have thought about this upcoming day many times this past week. My daughter is studying it in history and my little boy has so many questions. He woke me up last night and said he had a bad dream about it. I want to find a good children’s book that explains it on his level. Like you, I remember that day so well. I pray that God would be with our country during this time and with the ones who were directly impacted by that horrible event. Thanks for reminding us to remember! ~Kim
Wow Heather – Beautifully written! You brought me to tears. It sure doesn’t feel like 10 years has passed. The emotion, for me, is still always at the surface waiting to bubble over. That day and the week that followed were terrible. I cried all the time and just like you, I couldn’t NOT watch. Personally I didn’t know anyone and I’m an American living in Canada, but the sadness and shock of it all was too much. We still have every major magazine that came out in the days after. I actually looked through them a couple months ago and still cried. Your post was so heartfelt, thank you!! I’m doing a similar post tomorrow.
Hold your loved ones close tomorrow and be grateful for all we’re blessed with.
Hugs,
Catie
It was a terrible day. As you know I live in New York. Mine started exactly like yours…watching Barney. Reading this post brought me back to exactly what I felt that day. My husband had left for a business trip that morning and was on an airplane at that moment. I got a call from my friend asking too if I was watching TV…I said, yes, Barney. Then I turned on the news. At first I thought it was a little plane that made a terrible mistake. Then the second plane hit. Then the panic set in when I realized what was really happening. My husband was on an airplane at that moment and I was unable to reach him for hours. Those were the worst hours of my life. Thankfully he had gotten to the airport a little early and was able to catch an earlier flight (but hadn’t gotten a chance to let me know that) and was almost in Chicago when the first plane hit. His plane had left out of the same terminal as the plane that did hit the trade centers. My kids were 3 1/2 and 6 months old at the time. I remember taking them outside to play (mainly to get away from the TV) and marveling in the silence of my backyard knowing nothing would ever be the same. When my son went to pre-school the next day, we found out that one of the little girl’s in his class Daddy didn’t make it home. With each day that passed we learned of more and more people we knew that didn’t make it home that day. So many of these people had just gone to work. I thank God every day that we were lucky and my family was spared. I am completely unable to watch anything about that terrible day. It’s awesome that you had a mommy group to get you through. It took my husband four days before he was able to get a rental car which he drove across country to get home. We will never forget. Your post is very impactful.
Wonderful post…
Beautiful post! It’s a day none of us will ever forget.
Oh, Heather….you put to words, so beautifully, how so many of us felt that day. I was in a much different place in my life then…unmarried, being a mother hadn’t even crossed my mind at that point. But that day I remember thinking how everyone of those people were someone’s child. And how our Heavenly Father was now holding them in His arms. It was the only thing that gave me peace during that time.
Thank you for sharing this…and you truly, truly have a gift with your words…..
Thank you for this wonderful post, so well written. Will be lifting up so many in prayer tomorrow at church and for God’s grace to touch each one. I will never forget what happened, but we also have to remember to forgive.
God Bless you!
What a great post. It shook me up terribly, too…who didn’t it rattle? I had lost my first baby through miscarriage and was desperately praying for one to fill my arms when 9/11 happened, and I feared my husband would be sent to war. He was, but only after God gave us a baby, and we spent a long 9 months without him. I’ll never forget either; such a horrific event.
We will never forget.
Thank you so much for posting this and I couldn’t agree with you more! I too will always remember that day, where I was and what I was doing and who was there that tried to save America…it was not some pop artist pretending to be a hero or anyone on a TV screen for that matter, it was the brave souls at ground zero, the Pentagon and Pennsylvania that were the true hero’s that day!
Thank you for your honesty and candor in this very moving post…
Terry
Very touching post. Here in Jersey it was way too close to home that morning. My oldest had just started Kindergarten. She had afternoons and none of them went to school that day, the first week of school.
I can’t watch images without sobbing. Still seems so fresh.
Kim
No,I’ll never forget either, Heather. It’s odd how you can remember the day of the week and the weather on those days when something happens. I cry to this day over the images and anything on television about it. I can’t believe its been 10 years.
Thank you, Heather, for writing this wonderful tribute to that horrific day. No, I will never forget that utter shock that what I was seeing on that morning’s news was not some “what if” re-enactment. Oh, how I wish it had been. The very important “positive” that came from all that disaster, was how it brought our country together — neighbor to neighbor & a bond to those we would never meet in person. No, I will never forget.
🙂 CAS
Thank you for such a precious memorial, I will always remember that day.
Debbie
Heather this is a beautiful tribute to all who where taken from us that horrific day! They may be gone but their not forgotten! Martina
Beautiful post, Heather.
I don’t think any of us will ever forget the images, the impact and the heartbreak of that day.
May we all continue in our journey of faith, healing and thankfulness.
XO
This is the best online tribute I have read, Heather. My husband and I were working in DC in federal buildings when it happened. We spent all day trying to get home to each other and our baby. Pentagon officials who had just been hit were handing cash out of their own wallets to people who didnt have train fare home. Our house shook like there was an earthquake that morning…we later learned it was from the sonic boom from the jets taking off with orders to shoot down one of our own planes. Every day after that, we drove to work and passed that big smoldering hole in the Pentagon on RT 395. We lost a friend in Tower1. So many people lost so much more, and I am so grateful for what we have. Thank you so much for this post.
Stacy
Beautiful tribute! I love the last picture! Because through all the heartache and suffering we can still hold firm that God is in control! We might not understand it, or know why it happens, but there is a plan and it helps me get through these moments to know he is the one in control and not me!
Oh Heather!! This is just wonderful, and my heart kept beating faster as I read it. AMEN dear sister. I could never have said it better. (And I had the same feeling when I read that same headline.)
Thank you so much for this post. We’ve spent this Sunday remembering those who lost their lives as well as their families–it’s been a sobering Sabbath Day, to say the least.
I also wanted to let you know I nominated you for the versatile blogger award, if you’re interested. Love your blog; thanks for sharing!
Heather, you have given such beautiful words to such dark, haunting days. Bless your husband for his selfless public service, and thank you for sharing your heartfelt, truthful, and poignant words.
Michelle
Wonderful post, Heather! Steve and I worked numerous times in the World trade center and had been there just three weeks before 9/11. I think constantly of the people we worked closely with and all those I came in contact with during the day. I wonder often about the ones I shared an elevator with to the 88th floor, sat next to in one of the restaurants or those I just passed in the lobby. This horrible day will always be with me.
Hugs,
Sherry
Amen! Amen! I could not agree more with this post! 911 forever changed me and America. I watched it happen live and never left the TV for 24 hours, and then kept the tv on for a week until my husband said enough. I have lived the last 10 years in two cities where there are huge military communities, those are the people who protect America on a daily basis, those people and men like your husband and my brother.
My husband and I waork in the military, police and public safety arena, people who we had relationships died on that day trying their best to save people.
6 months later we went to Ground Zero, the actual pit, and the behind the scenes buildings where these men worked and waited and prayed for their brothers to be found. I cannot even describe in words what that was like. That was the single most life altering experience of my life. And I can tell you that there is a “feeling” that you get from being in a place where all those people lost their lives.
I prayed then and I pray today for the families to have some peace and for the souls of those lost. Thank you for sharing your story.