Last week, I had a really hard evening with my kiddos. I was tired, impatient, stressed out and doing battle with an overstuffed yard bin I was trying to drag to the curb while my husband was out of town on business.
And I lost my cool.
After I had put them to bed that night I sat down at my laptop and just started talking…to you…to the mom who was tired and impatient and yelled at her kids and then felt immense guilt afterwards and struggled to give herself grace.
I shared the video here and on social media and it was well received with kind comments and over 600 views on Youtube.
Later that evening I shared the video again on Facebook and well…let’s just say that there were a couple of comments that weren’t so nice.
They were negative. Actually, they were downright rude.
It wasn’t that they were simply commenting on not liking the topic of discussion or that it didn’t relate to their season of life.
Nope. They were insulting ME…my voice…my mannerisms…the way I said certain words.
And one of them made like mention of like the fact that I like used the word ‘like’ totally like too much. 😉
It hurt. Really hurt. Stung in fact.
And what do you think consumed my thoughts the entire rest of the night and on into the next day.
Do you think it was those 620+ views on Youtube or those encouraging and supportive comments?
Nope. No way, no how!
Over and over again I read their rude words and allowed them to seep into my heart, winding their way around it until I was convinced that they were true. That I should never have made a video and that I definitely should never make another one.
Before I made the video I was certain that God was telling me I should do it. That someone out there needed to know that they weren’t the only one struggling and making mistakes as a mom.
But now, well, now I was letting all of my doubts and insecurities take over.
I happened to be on the phone with my sweet friend early in the morning after I had already opened the computer to find an additional nasty comment (nothing like having that greet you first thing in the morning!) and I told her that they were probably right. The video was too long and I was boring and I did have a sing-song voice and I like totally like did say ‘like’ way like too much.
She immediately stopped me and said, “Why on earth are you allowing them to convince you that you did something wrong? Why would you let them stop you from making another video?”
I knew the answer to her question. I was believing the lies.
The lies that satan wants me to believe. That I’m not good enough. That no one would ever want to hear what I have to say.
That I really AM boring.
I quickly stopped and had a heart-to-heart with God. I allowed the truth of how HE sees me to begin to wind it’s way around my heart squeezing out all of the lies.
And then I thanked Him for those negative comments. HUH? WHA? Yep, that’s right friends.
I’m thankful for those.
Because, you see, without those negative comments I never would have been driven to the Lord for reassurance.
If I had just been stroked over and over by the positive, not only would I have not sought out His truth but I would have been in very real danger of patting myself on the back and thinking that I was all that and a bag of chips. Do the kids still say that? Probably not since this almost 40 year old is saying it! 😉
Now, I’m not saying that I really, really hope more people will leave me negative comments (pretty please don’t leave me a negative comment on my post about negative comments ok?).
What I am saying is that when they come (notice I said when and not if) I will not be defined by them.
And you know what else, as much as I love all of the wonderfully positive and encouraging comments, I’m praying that I will not be defined by those either!
Because what really matters is not how anyone else sees me. Whether they think I’m incredibly witty and creative and inspiring or whether they think I’m boring and talk with a sing-song voice.
What matters is how my Maker sees me. If I’m being obedient and listening for His voice.
Because His voice is the voice of TRUTH and it is against this truth that all things are measured!
Even my sing-song voice! 😉