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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

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February 9, 2016

The Heaping of Coals

We drove home that night in silence. Not an uncomfortable, awkward silence but rather the kind that you have when there are sleepy kids in the back of the car and you are all looking forward to climbing into your nice, warm beds.  As we turned into our neighborhood, my husband reached over, squeezed my hand and gently said to me, “You know, I think what you did was heap coals on her tonight.” I didn’t answer right away, as I replayed the events of the evening in my head. The sting of the insult. The way that I’m still so surprised each time it hurts me even though I promise myself I will have a thicker skin the next time it happens.

I turned to my husband and said, “I don’t know if I was heaping coals or if I was just too stunned to do anything except sit there and take it. I just did what everyone else did and pretended like it didn’t happen. And I’m not even sure I really know what ‘heaping coals’ actually means, do you?”

Before he could reply we were pulling into our driveway and hustling everyone upstairs to bed. It wasn’t until a few days later that I recalled our conversation, even though I had already replayed that evening’s events a million times over in my mind.

The term ‘heaping coals’ comes from Proverbs 25 where it says in verses 21-22, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”

So bizarre, right? It sounds so nice in the beginning, giving your enemy food and water. Similar to Matthew 5:39 where we are told, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”

But heaping burning coals on their heads sounds like the exact opposite of turning the other cheek. It sounds mean and painful. It sounds a lot more like revenge to me.

 

So I decided to dig a little bit deeper, to find some context for this peculiar phrase. I think in some ways I was looking for a distraction, a way to not keep rehashing how I had been hurt and wondering if I there was anything I could have done to avoid it.

And as I read through commentaries on this verse in the Bible, I finally found one which provided the cultural context I was looking for.

“The statement about heaping burning coals on the heads of our enemies is parallel to the statements about blessing our enemies with food and water. When this Proverb was written, people heated their homes and cooked with fire. But sometimes, a person’s fire would go out during the night, and before they could cook their breakfast, they had to go to a neighbor’s house to get a coal so they could relight their fire. So Proverbs 25:22 teaches that if the fire of your enemy goes out, and they come asking for a coal to relight their fire, instead of turning them away or giving just one, we should be be extravagantly generous. How? We must keep one coal for yourself, and give all the rest of the burning coals to our enemy.”

Think about it this way, someone who lashes out at or is hurtful towards other has a light or a ‘fire’ that has gone out inside of them. For whatever reason, be it insecurity, jealousy or their own painful history, they have allowed their fire to not just burn down to embers but to completely burn out.

We’re all shaped by our experiences, we all have insecurities and wounds, but some of us struggle to heal from them. Some of us hold onto them. Some of us are just stuck, unable to see how that deep insecurity affects those around us. How it damages and ruins relationships. Some of us have even made it so far as to recognize that there is an issue but, for whatever reason, we won’t allow the Lord to do the work necessary to heal us. And by not healing those darkest areas of our hearts, we make ourselves vulnerable to the temptation of letting our wounds overflow in such a way that we then wound others. When we allow our coals to burn out, we grow cold.

But, if you are the neighbor whose fire is roaring, who has more than enough coals to go around, you have a choice to make when you are faced with the opportunity to share them.

You could say, “It’s your own fault you let those coals burn out. I worked hard to keep mine burning while you neglected yours so you don’t really deserve to have me share mine with you.”

Or you could do what is counter-intuitive, what goes against our human nature and can only be done when we are obedient to the Lord. When we submit our will to Him and give up the right to be right. In fact, what we have to do is trade our need to be right for our need to be redeemed. That’s the only way I have found myself able to be extravagantly generous.

This isn’t just begrudgingly handing over one, measly, barely lit coal. This is heaping coals on them. It’s going so far as to only keep one coal for ourselves and give them ALL of the rest.

And what does this look like in our lives? Well, my guess is that few of us will ever be called to literally give away burning coals. But, I think it’s safe to assume that all of us have faced that moment where we can either turn someone away because they simply don’t deserve our grace and forgiveness, or we can turn them towards the Lord by offering grace in abundance. Grace that is given out of an extravagantly generous spirit.

2 Corinthians 9:8-11 says, “God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done.  As one psalmist puts it, He throws caution to the winds, giving to the needy in reckless abandon. His right-living, right-giving ways never run out, never wear out. This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.” (The Message)

What we are given by our Heavenly Father is meant to be given away. It’s meant to be shared, to heap on someone.

 

Giving away one coal would be helpful, but would it be impactful? Probably not. But imagine if you are forced to ask your neighbor for help, knowing you haven’t treated them well in the past and instead of finding them only mildly willing to help you out, they give to you abundantly. They are extravagantly generous. How much more would that represent to them the love of God?

Does this mean we let someone come in and steal all of our coals away, lying down like a doormat while they walk all over us? No. I fully believe that we can extend grace without allowing someone to have power over us. We can show love when it isn’t shown to us.

So, was I heaping coals that night as I sat there reeling from the hurt that person had caused me? I’m not sure. Because, frankly, in that moment I was so stunned that I don’t know if I was even thinking clearly enough to process it.

But perhaps the ‘heaping’ doesn’t happen all at once.

Perhaps you share a few coals when you listen to them talk about their life while they show little interest in your own. Perhaps you share a few coals when you compliment them knowing they won’t ever reciprocate. Perhaps you share a few coals when you have the opportunity to tear them down and you build them up instead.

Because when you fully grasp just how much grace the Lord gives us, how much He heaps it on we who are so completely undeserving, it suddenly becomes a bit easier to heap it on others.

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29 Comments Filed Under: Devotionals, Good Thoughts

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Comments

  1. Linda says

    February 9, 2016 at 4:46 AM

    Greatly appreciate your thoughts this morning. Very meaningful for me.

    Reply
  2. Karen says

    February 9, 2016 at 4:59 AM

    GOOD THOUGHTS.

    Reply
  3. Jennifer says

    February 9, 2016 at 4:59 AM

    Well said! I never knew the context of that verse myself. Thanks

    Reply
  4. Leesa Nesty says

    February 9, 2016 at 5:02 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing this. Thank you for allowing God to work through you to bless others. This was very insightful as to how God would have us behave in this type of situation.

    Reply
  5. Cindy Barganier says

    February 9, 2016 at 5:39 AM

    Vanessa,
    How interesting that our pastor shared the exact same interpretation of that verse (which I had never known before) last week. It changes everything doesn’t it? I am sorry that you were hurt my sweet friend. Remember this: rejected people reject people, hurting people hurt people. It is the devil’s way to keep us in bondage.
    Love you Sister.
    Cindy

    Reply
  6. Sue Tait says

    February 9, 2016 at 6:02 AM

    I have often wondered exactly what that phrase “Heaping Coals” meant but have never heard it explained in this way. Thank you for your interpretation, which is the best one I have ever heard, and it brings to light something that was always rather confusing and hazy to me before… You have shown me something I never saw before! Bless you for it~~~! Much love to you, and thank you for your care and efforts to share things. I receive so much good from your writing.
    Again, Bless You, My Dear!!!

    Reply
  7. Leslie says

    February 9, 2016 at 6:55 AM

    Thanks for sharing today. This is a deep one to take in! Love your heart.

    Reply
  8. Jo Anne Howard says

    February 9, 2016 at 7:01 AM

    OH my. What a wonderful sermon on grace. This just brought tears to my eyes and a lift to my spirit this morning. You did such a marvelous job of using a personal experience to share such good news about the LORD. Thank you. And please consider doing more (like on Sundays?) Loved it

    Reply
  9. Robin says

    February 9, 2016 at 7:16 AM

    Wow–such good words today. I’m making this my devotional today. I should remember these scriptures every day. Blessings to you in Jesus name!

    Reply
  10. mary says

    February 9, 2016 at 7:26 AM

    Vanessa
    Your words have lifted my spirits. So often, when hurt by another, there is a temptation to ruminate over the experience…wishing there had been a good, spiteful retort available in the moment. But, you have reminded me that it is better to ‘err’ on the side of kindness.

    Reply
  11. Lisa R says

    February 9, 2016 at 7:29 AM

    I couldn’t even imagine where your post was headed from your email introduction! I had never heard the phrase, “heaping coals” before. What a well written explanation and something kinda close to home for me right now. I guess I am currently at the point where I have to question just how much more hurt, pain and negativity can I accept and let my family be exposed too. I am curious to hear what others think about cutting ties and not continually extending grace in the eyes of our Lord?

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      February 9, 2016 at 8:12 AM

      Lisa I completely understand where you are coming from! It’s so hard to know where to draw the line especially when we know that God calls us to show love, grace and forgiveness. But I firmly believe that He doesn’t ask us to just lay down and let people mistreat us either. For me, it’s been a long process towards understanding that I can feel loving towards them in my heart and pray for them but not allow them to have power or control over me. It has meant distancing myself and not trying so hard all the time. But, it’s also meant knowing that I need to forgive them even if they’ve never asked me to. None of this is easy and it’s taken me years to get to this point and I know I still have a long way to go! 🙂

      Reply
      • Lisa R says

        February 9, 2016 at 8:23 AM

        Thanks:) I just continue to pray for clarity and peace with my decision. I hope you find that too

        Reply
  12. Sheree Shepherd says

    February 9, 2016 at 7:31 AM

    That touched my heart… Thanks!

    Reply
  13. Catherine says

    February 9, 2016 at 9:37 AM

    WOW! Thank you!! That was an awesome lesson. Thank you for sharing what the Lord taught you! I never knew that about that verse!! God is just asking us to be as gracious to others as He is to us-we don’t “deserve” His grace either!

    Reply
  14. Jane Henson says

    February 9, 2016 at 10:37 AM

    It is so hard to love people sometimes. One of my professors put it best, ‘When people deserve love the lest is when they need it most. Pushing a person away sometimes just confirms how unlovable we are and we deserve to feel and treat people the way we do/are’. Having faith in the person for their souls to be repaired and be the people we loved before is really hard. Showing them love sometimes makes them worse- do it anyway.

    Reply
  15. heidi @ Decor & More says

    February 9, 2016 at 11:43 AM

    Beautifully said, Vanessa. Love your heart for Him!
    xo Heidi

    Reply
  16. florida1 says

    February 9, 2016 at 1:35 PM

    I think your husband could have explained himself better to you than he did. (Sorry). I too know what its like to be (in my case-Very Publically Humiliated, where Everyone at the funeral–yes-funeral saw it)….I have no idea nor do I need to know-but I know this; God does NOT say we must be a Whipping Post or Door Mat in order to keep our faith. I try daily to forgive these people; however there is a horrible history of what they did to their parent-(my spouse) as well as myself. Sooooo…as I experienced yet Another of their viscous, evil attacks as I was doing a Reading at a funeral….you heard that right. I have now decided to Never see or be around these people as long as I am on this planet Earth. I Liberated myself that day. I do pray for them and their souls and I do pray that I can forgive them. That said I am DONE. !!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      February 9, 2016 at 2:26 PM

      I’m so very sorry for the pain you have experienced! I cannot imagine how difficult your situation must be. My husband is the most incredibly loving and supportive man and has walked this road with me and my relationship with this person for many years. He was being encouraging to me and telling me that he was proud of the way I had handled myself. I completely agree that we are not called to be doormats and yet for many reasons this person will always be apart of my life in some way. So I’m choosing to extend grace and love and forgiveness BUT I no longer give them power or control over me. Relationships are so hard!

      Reply
  17. Anita Ward says

    February 9, 2016 at 3:26 PM

    Very well explained and I think your husband hit the nail on the head!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      February 9, 2016 at 8:55 PM

      Thank you Anita!

      Reply
  18. grammy goodwill says

    February 10, 2016 at 6:37 AM

    This is an amazing message and so timely for me to read as I begin Lent. Thank you for sharing it.

    Reply
  19. Julia says

    February 11, 2016 at 8:23 AM

    First I’m sorry you were hurt by someone close to you. Second, thank you for clarification on this verse. Years agaI had a missionary friend explain this scripture to me and it is very convicting when someone wrongs me. I love that you share your heart with us readers. Your love for the Lord shines through your written words. You are a blessing!

    Reply
  20. Kim says

    February 12, 2016 at 11:59 AM

    I have a very good of example of this.

    My ex-husband’s wife has never been nice to me in any way. She has been the opposite. Then came the day my daughter was getting married. Of course, my ex and his wife were there. My daughter decided to have both her dads walk her down the isle.
    Just as the wedding party was lining up, my ex’s wife was leaving to go seat herself. I stopped her and said oh, we had planned for you to be escorted in and seated in the front row. She was astonished and asked who would escort her. I said my son would be happy to escort you down the isle and seat you. She was in shock and smiling from ear to ear.

    Did it change the way she treats me today?….no but that is not the point. The point is I put away all the hurt and made the day special for not only her but for my daughter. I know it made my daughter’s wedding day that much more special to see her mom going out of her way to get along well with everyone and make sure there was no reason for any stress for anyone that day.

    If only we could all act that way every day……I strive to get there.

    Reply
    • Linda H says

      August 23, 2017 at 11:41 AM

      Wow, I wish more people would take the high road like you did. I’ve been to a few weddings where the ex’s new spouse is not even allowed to attend.
      I don’t understand why people can’t just put everything aside for one day, especially for the sake of the bride!

      Reply
  21. Linda says

    February 23, 2016 at 6:56 AM

    I just found this devotion this morning. But, things are always in God’s timing. I needed to see this today and it has encouraged my heart. It is so hard when it sometimes seem I am the one to keep “heaping coals”. I copied every word so I can refer back to this and be encouraged again and again. Thank you for your willingness to follow the Lord’s leadership for today..

    Reply
  22. Laura Thomas says

    September 23, 2017 at 8:46 AM

    You explained this so well! I think you’re spot on— sometimes the heaping of coals happens over a period of time, a gradual heaping. Thanks for sharing… stopping by from Hope*Writers 🙂

    Reply
  23. Irene Kimball says

    January 24, 2018 at 5:56 AM

    I “took in” this sharing and found it very helpful. I think I need to really work on this. Putting aside the quick response to spar back in the face of negativity and instead pausing long enough to either make no response or to find a positive in the process.

    Reply
  24. Kristine says

    January 3, 2019 at 6:01 AM

    Thank you for sharing this. Such a good lesson and a great thing to practice on a daily basis.

    Reply

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The first weekend in December seems like a good ti The first weekend in December seems like a good time for my annual gentle reminder about this month. I don’t know about you but, for me, December is a month of mixed emotions, ranging from joy-filled moments to ones that have me wanting to pull my hair out.

There are so many expectations and we put so much pressure on ourselves to create magical memories. And for years I have felt the added weight of wanting to make sure my family had opportunities throughout the month to grow in their relationship with Christ.

We celebrate advent and read all of the appropriate Baby Jesus books and encourage a spirit of generosity and heavily emphasize the real reason for the season.

But sweet friends, I want to remind you today that one month out of the year does not a strong relationship with the Lord make. December doesn’t define our faith in Christ.

For our families or for us.

There are 11 other months in the year. 11 other months to live out our faith in front of our children. 11 other months to pray with them. 11 other months to help them wrestle through their questions and add depth to their walk with the Lord. 11 other months to encourage them to have generous spirits.

Let’s stop putting so much pressure on this one month out of the year. Let’s be surprised at the ways we might be able to celebrate the baby in the manger without a dozen countdown calendars. Let’s give our kids some grace when they are focused more on gifts because…well…they’re kids after all.

And while we’re at it, let’s give ourselves some grace too.

Grace when we think we should feel all the warm fuzzy feelings about Christmas but we really just want to take a nap. Or have a good cry. 

Grace that reminds us that this month will soon be over and we will have a brand new year ahead of us.

A new year filled with big moments and little moments and everything in between.

A new year to draw even closer to our Savior.

My hope for you is that, as you head into this season, you will be given fresh perspective and that you will give yourself (and your family) permission to just ‘be’. ✨
✨ The first Sunday of Advent is upon us and this ✨ The first Sunday of Advent is upon us and this year I created a super simple centerpiece for my dining room that incorporates the candles we will use each of the four weeks leading up to Christmas. While we will only light one candle each week, I used more than four so that the centerpiece would look a bit more filled in. In keeping with my goal to embrace a softer approach to my decorating, this arrangement works perfectly and helps to keep our focus on the beauty and the meaning  of the Advent season. For more ideas like this, check out my previous Advent post! ✨

#advent #adventcandles #simplechristmas #wearethehomemakers
In this season of motherhood, my soul is feeling a In this season of motherhood, my soul is feeling a bit more tender. When Christmas rolls around and I no longer have wish lists that include Lego sets or dollhouses, I find that I want my home to reflect this craving for all things gentle.

So our hot cocoa station this year is much more simple and done in a neutral color palette that just subtly blends in with the rest of the decor. It still feels festive and is definitely still “user friendly” but it’s just a bit less…well…less.

And, that’s ok. It’s not that this area won’t ever again have bright colors (maybe even pops of red!) but, right now I’m happy to have things this way.

With all that is going on in the world right outside our door, my desire is for our home to truly feel like a respite. I want it to be where we come and let our guard down, our heart rates slow and to be flooded with a sense of peace in knowing that here is where we can just simply be. I want it to be a place of rest. Rest from the constant onslaught of news and information. Rest from the seemingly small struggles of school and jobs that can so often feel like big struggles.

And, most importantly, we rest in the comfort of knowing the One who is Sovereign over all and is the reason this month is so very special and sacred.

Many blessings to you dear friends as we kick off this wonderful season! ✨
Next week is first Sunday of Advent. And contrary Next week is first Sunday of Advent. And contrary to popular belief, the celebration of Advent is VERY different from just simply doing a ‘countdown to Christmas’. It’s not about having little drawers filled with candy or doors to open with prizes inside. Those things are so much fun and definitely help to build anticipation as you head closer and closer to the big day.

But Advent, from the latin word ‘adventus’ meaning ‘arrival’ or ‘appearance’ keeps the focus completely on celebrating the arrival of the King who came in the form of an infant.

This is one of our favorite family traditions and over the years I’ve figured out how to incorporate the Advent candles into my decor without using the traditional wreath. I hope this gives you some ideas and inspiration as we head into this sacred season. 🌲

#advent #adventdecoration #wearethehomemakers
Why do I start decorating before Thanksgiving? Bec Why do I start decorating before Thanksgiving? Because it’s the Saturday after and my house is almost completely ready to start the season! So I’m sitting with my coffee and just soaking it all up knowing that now I can focus on shopping, hosting and preparing our hearts for the start of Advent. The only thing left to do is get our fresh tree for the front room and then the decorating is done. 

Starting early is a gift I give to myself and I’m always grateful for it! 🌲

#simplechristmas #traditionalchristmas
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest fo “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” ~ G.K. Chesterton

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours dear friends! 🍂
Christmas has arrived in the family room where I k Christmas has arrived in the family room where I keep things simple but festive! We’ll get a fresh tree after Thanksgiving which will go in our front room bay window but this slim faux tree with its colorful ornaments tides us over for now. Which room in your home gets the Christmas treatment first? Or do you just start doing a little at a time in each room? 🎄

*pillow covers are from @jshhomeessentials
I share this recipe every year because it’s JUST I share this recipe every year because it’s JUST.THAT.GOOD! 

And I have a confession ...I’d rather have cranberry sauce smothering the turkey on my plate than gravy any day!! And this, this right here? Well it’s the best (and easiest!) cranberry sauce ever!! I eat on crackers and sandwiches and sometimes just by the spoonful. It’s so yummy! And I’m just so very thankful for all of you that I’m going to leave the recipe right here instead of making you go to the blog to get it. I promise you won’t regret having this on your Thanksgiving menu but be warned...you may find yourself up in the middle of the night sneaking some helpings of this deliciousness. Or maybe that’s just me!

Ingredients:
2 pounds fresh or frozen cranberries
2 oranges
2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup white wine.

Instructions:
Wash and pick over berries, removing any that are soft. Peel and dice oranges removing any seeds. Combine all ingredients in a large pot. Bring to a full boil. Reduce heat and continue cooking until cranberries pop open and mixture is thickening.
For best flavor, prepare and let stand for several days before using.

Gobble, gobble!! 🦃
How do I want people to feel when they walk throug How do I want people to feel when they walk through my front door? That’s always at the top of my mind when I’m decorating my entry for each season, particularly at Christmastime. 

✨I want them to feel like my home is greeting them with a smile.

✨I want them to feel like this is a place where care has been given to details (but not to the point of being too stuffy or too busy or too overwhelming). 

✨I want them to feel like there is peace here.

✨I want them to feel like they are welcome…because they are. 

My home is a reflection of my heart and my heart is a reflection of the ONE for whom I live and try to honor and praise all of my days, but especially at Christmas.

How do you want people to feel when they come into your home? 

#christmasentry #simplechristmas #simplicity #wearethehomemakers
This is not a criticism of those who are sharing t This is not a criticism of those who are sharing their great new Christmas finds but rather an encouragement to those of you who are feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all and trying to resist the temptation to purchase more items than you really need.

Several years ago I felt a conviction in my heart about how much time and money I was spending on trying to create a new look every Christmas. I was not being a good steward of my resources and I was far too easily swayed by the peer pressure in this area. And a funny thing happened when I smashed this idol that had taken up residence in my heart. I suddenly found renewed joy in decorating for the season. By keeping things simple and maybe only buying something like a new spool of velvet ribbon, I actually realized that I could be far more creative reusing and repurposing what I already had.

In the coming weeks your news feeds will be filled with temptations for MORE. Maybe, this year, you too can find the joy in LESS. 🌲

#simplechristmas #simplicity #wearethehomemakers
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