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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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August 14, 2015

The Peace-Filled Home Part Two

*click here for part one of The Peace-Filled Home series*

the peace filled home series from atthepicketfence.com

I have a thing for pendulums. I’ve talked a little bit about them here before.

Perhaps it’s the fact that a pendulum is always trying to find the center. They are made using a fixed point and as they swing back and forth there is an effort, a straining, towards getting back to that point.

That point is the equilibrium.

Here’s the thing though, when you tilt a pendulum too far to one extreme or the other, it has to work so much harder to get back to that fixed point. It strains to find the equilibrium.

I think that when it comes to the care and keeping of our homes, our cultural pendulum seems to swing wildly from one extreme to the next. Which means finding a center, a balance, becomes an incredibly challenging task.

Many years ago, June Cleaver was held up as the ultimate homemaker. Calm, patient, unflappable, never a raised voice, high heels on, pearls around the neck and always prepared for whatever minor childhood crisis her sons (or Edie Haskell!) found themselves in for that particular episode.

LeaveItToBeaver

June Cleaver was an extreme. While she embodied so many of the wonderful things about that decade, wearing heels and a twin-set while cleaning toilets seems so utterly unrealistic nowadays that it is laughable.

That being said, as is so often the case, in order to rebel against one extreme we tend to go to the opposite extreme.

Pearls are out and yoga pants are in! Frankly, I love me a good pair of elastic waist pants and I couldn’t even remotely imagine cleaning my house in any other attire. But I think in our attempt to get away from the June Cleaver syndrome we may have thrown the pearl wearing baby out with the pristinely clean bathwater.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think we’ve made amazing strides towards relaxing that ridiculous standard of homemaking. I think that we have become women who are more involved with our families than ever before. I think that we have embraced the truth that we don’t have to be perfect or put up a front of having it all together. Most importantly, I think we’ve realized that high heels and housework don’t mix well. 😉

And all of that is awesome. So, so awesome!

But somewhere along the line I believe that the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction that we have started believing that it is impossible to have a peace-filled home in the midst of the chaos of life. We are believing the lie that we are, in fact, BETTER when we have homes that are crazy, messy and overwhelming. That happy kids only come from homes where we completely let go of everything.

good moms quote

And I don’t believe that.

I believe in that pendulum. I believe in it’s desire to get back to the fixed point. I believe in a balance between the two extremes.

I believe it’s possible to have busy lives, active schedules and yes even some chaos and still have a peace-filled home.

I believe that most of us still long for our homes to be a sanctuary. A respite from the craziness of the world.

Now, hear me LOUD AND CLEAR when I say that when I’m referring to a peace-filled home I’m not talking about perfection. And peace is not the absence of stress. But peace is possible in the midst of it all.

And ladies, I believe that it starts with us!

You know that saying “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? Well, it’s true.

For better or for worse, we set the tone in our homes. Frankly, it stinks. But just because I don’t like the fact that when I’m on a moody rampage everyone in my home is a bit on edge doesn’t make it any less true that my mood tends to dictate the general vibe of our house.

I think that until we address the issue of having a peace-filled heart, we can’t really address the issue of having a peace-filled home.

Because our home reflects our heart and our heart reflects our home.

So, let’s start peeling back those layers together.

Next time we meet I’ll be talking about how I’ve come to a place of peace in my own heart and how that has translated into my home.

But until then, what are your thoughts on this? Let’s talk!

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12 Comments Filed Under: Good Ideas, The Peace Filled Home

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Comments

  1. Mary Alice Kenley says

    August 14, 2015 at 4:24 AM

    Someone younger than I has FINALLY said it! I mentor several women in your age range, and I hear this all the time: “I decided to forget the house today and just sit in the floor and play with the kids.” There are so many things wrong with that sentence I can’t even get started. By doing something like this, the mom is devaluing the beauty of the household ritual of peace, failing to allow her children to learn to play by themselves, and a plethora (great word!) of other issues.

    I am going to keep this piece, probably forever, and use it with the young women I get to share with and love on.

    THANK YOU!

    Reply
  2. Jackie Funkhouser says

    August 14, 2015 at 5:59 AM

    Thank you, Vanessa! I well remember the local “Homemakers” group my mother belonged to in the 60’s and 70’s and my mother epitomized and still does strive to keep that balance in her home. She taught me so much about all of the facets of making a home and I think it’s a lost art.

    I’ve thought recently that I’d like to start a “Homemakers” group (…we must have a new “culturally correct” name for it these days, however). A group that leads the cause for that peace you are speaking of, bringing back the art of making a home.

    Well done, Vanessa, and thank you for your insights today. I can’t wait to hear more about how you have created this in your own home.

    Blessings,
    Jackie

    Reply
  3. Cristen says

    August 14, 2015 at 6:36 AM

    Thank you! These thoughts have been in my heart and mind for years. Years! How often have I heard, leave the dishes and the laundry, your kids are only little once. The peace in my home, and yes, I believe I achieve peace on most days, comes from order. Order that fights the chaos of having a 16, 2 and 8 month old. My children will recognize this order as they grow and home will be a welcome haven to escape the world to. So, my dishes get done daily, the laundry gets folded daily and yes, my kids are only little once but this order is the gift I give to them.

    Reply
    • Jeanie says

      August 21, 2015 at 4:45 AM

      Cristen I agree with you totally. Having a messy undone home causes more chaos in my heart and mind than taking time to clean it up.
      When my sons were at home, I cleaned and they had areas to clean. And yes it is a gift. A clean, well taken care of home is a gift to the ones that live there. And to the visitors.

      Reply
  4. Lisa Mothersead says

    August 14, 2015 at 6:53 AM

    Suze Orman (finance expert) once said something about being able to tell how people manage their money by how their home is kept/organized. I think there is something to that. I may be a lil’ OCD about finances and keeping my home clean and nice. But those are strengths of mine and I know those strengths have helped our family have a more peaceful life. Everyone has their own method of home care. Years ago, after quitting work to be a SAHM, I divided up chores to be spread out throughout the week. If I don’t get to that chore that day (life happens), I can do it the next day added to that day’s chore.. After that, it has to wait til the next rotation/week. Chores are done in the morning before I leave the house. Appt’s always scheduled late morning or later. When, we’ve sold homes, we’ve gotten good feedback on care of home. It’s helped us make more, sell faster, and it’s nice to get that feedback.

    Reply
    • Charlene G. Bryant says

      August 14, 2015 at 9:49 AM

      Lisa, I like the way you have scheduled chores. Would you be willing to share your schedule with me so I can use it as a jumping off point to create my own schedule? I could use some help ; )

      Thanks Charlene

      Reply
      • Lisa Mothersead says

        August 14, 2015 at 2:08 PM

        Monday-Bedding and Bills/Budget
        Tuesday-Towels and Kitchen/Laundry (not floors)
        Wednesday-Darks and Bathrooms (rotate)
        Thursday-Whites and Floors
        Friday-Towels and Dust, “Windex”, and Vacuum carpet
        Saturday-Yard as needed

        First Tuesday and Friday of month, extra deep cleaning in these areas.

        Reply
        • Lisa Mothersead says

          August 14, 2015 at 2:12 PM

          (Tuesday laundry means I clean the laundry room that day. As you can see I like doing a load a day of laundry as that is easy as you do other chores while laundry is running….)

          Reply
          • Charlene G. Bryant says

            August 14, 2015 at 8:01 PM

            Thank you this was very helpful.

            Do you have the kids do their own bedrooms or do you do those as well? I’m guessing it depends on their ages and abilities. I used to have my son make his bed even if it was messy, that was okay. He had a little responsibility and then it grew as he did. Unfortunately, he’s home now (age 22) and doesn’t see the need to pick up his room. He says it’s his space and don’t worry about it. Darn kids anyway!!

      • Lisa Mothersead says

        August 15, 2015 at 6:00 AM

        My daughters (22 and 30) helped around the house. They “made” their beds but a rule I had was when you ask someone to do something that is typically because you want it done, accept it will be done to their standard. Having a 1 1/2 story home, meant my daughters lived in their own lil’ “apartment” for years and took responsibility of that space. It wasn’t kept super neat, though, they did fine. I was the “homemaker” but they had different priorities with school, cheerleading, and sports. My youngest is very neat and a great decorator. My oldest, now, not so much. Both are great employees and hard workers and empathetic gals. And, my opinion, your home, your rules.

        Reply
  5. Teresa says

    August 15, 2015 at 10:11 PM

    I remember when I got ready to move away from home and be on my own, my mom told me that she went behind me and my sister when we helped clean our parents’ house because we didn’t do the job to her standards. For a long time, I had a hard time cleaning my own home because I believed I could never do it right. Then I found Flylady and she helped me see that I could be free of the “not good enough” mindset. I still do not do all I should do to keep my home orderly, but I no longer beat myself over the head- I just start from where I am

    Reply
  6. Nikki says

    August 17, 2015 at 6:56 AM

    I wish I could have read this when my kids still lived at home. Very thought provoking.

    Reply

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The first weekend in December seems like a good ti The first weekend in December seems like a good time for my annual gentle reminder about this month. I don’t know about you but, for me, December is a month of mixed emotions, ranging from joy-filled moments to ones that have me wanting to pull my hair out.

There are so many expectations and we put so much pressure on ourselves to create magical memories. And for years I have felt the added weight of wanting to make sure my family had opportunities throughout the month to grow in their relationship with Christ.

We celebrate advent and read all of the appropriate Baby Jesus books and encourage a spirit of generosity and heavily emphasize the real reason for the season.

But sweet friends, I want to remind you today that one month out of the year does not a strong relationship with the Lord make. December doesn’t define our faith in Christ.

For our families or for us.

There are 11 other months in the year. 11 other months to live out our faith in front of our children. 11 other months to pray with them. 11 other months to help them wrestle through their questions and add depth to their walk with the Lord. 11 other months to encourage them to have generous spirits.

Let’s stop putting so much pressure on this one month out of the year. Let’s be surprised at the ways we might be able to celebrate the baby in the manger without a dozen countdown calendars. Let’s give our kids some grace when they are focused more on gifts because…well…they’re kids after all.

And while we’re at it, let’s give ourselves some grace too.

Grace when we think we should feel all the warm fuzzy feelings about Christmas but we really just want to take a nap. Or have a good cry. 

Grace that reminds us that this month will soon be over and we will have a brand new year ahead of us.

A new year filled with big moments and little moments and everything in between.

A new year to draw even closer to our Savior.

My hope for you is that, as you head into this season, you will be given fresh perspective and that you will give yourself (and your family) permission to just ‘be’. ✨
✨ The first Sunday of Advent is upon us and this ✨ The first Sunday of Advent is upon us and this year I created a super simple centerpiece for my dining room that incorporates the candles we will use each of the four weeks leading up to Christmas. While we will only light one candle each week, I used more than four so that the centerpiece would look a bit more filled in. In keeping with my goal to embrace a softer approach to my decorating, this arrangement works perfectly and helps to keep our focus on the beauty and the meaning  of the Advent season. For more ideas like this, check out my previous Advent post! ✨

#advent #adventcandles #simplechristmas #wearethehomemakers
In this season of motherhood, my soul is feeling a In this season of motherhood, my soul is feeling a bit more tender. When Christmas rolls around and I no longer have wish lists that include Lego sets or dollhouses, I find that I want my home to reflect this craving for all things gentle.

So our hot cocoa station this year is much more simple and done in a neutral color palette that just subtly blends in with the rest of the decor. It still feels festive and is definitely still “user friendly” but it’s just a bit less…well…less.

And, that’s ok. It’s not that this area won’t ever again have bright colors (maybe even pops of red!) but, right now I’m happy to have things this way.

With all that is going on in the world right outside our door, my desire is for our home to truly feel like a respite. I want it to be where we come and let our guard down, our heart rates slow and to be flooded with a sense of peace in knowing that here is where we can just simply be. I want it to be a place of rest. Rest from the constant onslaught of news and information. Rest from the seemingly small struggles of school and jobs that can so often feel like big struggles.

And, most importantly, we rest in the comfort of knowing the One who is Sovereign over all and is the reason this month is so very special and sacred.

Many blessings to you dear friends as we kick off this wonderful season! ✨
Next week is first Sunday of Advent. And contrary Next week is first Sunday of Advent. And contrary to popular belief, the celebration of Advent is VERY different from just simply doing a ‘countdown to Christmas’. It’s not about having little drawers filled with candy or doors to open with prizes inside. Those things are so much fun and definitely help to build anticipation as you head closer and closer to the big day.

But Advent, from the latin word ‘adventus’ meaning ‘arrival’ or ‘appearance’ keeps the focus completely on celebrating the arrival of the King who came in the form of an infant.

This is one of our favorite family traditions and over the years I’ve figured out how to incorporate the Advent candles into my decor without using the traditional wreath. I hope this gives you some ideas and inspiration as we head into this sacred season. 🌲

#advent #adventdecoration #wearethehomemakers
Why do I start decorating before Thanksgiving? Bec Why do I start decorating before Thanksgiving? Because it’s the Saturday after and my house is almost completely ready to start the season! So I’m sitting with my coffee and just soaking it all up knowing that now I can focus on shopping, hosting and preparing our hearts for the start of Advent. The only thing left to do is get our fresh tree for the front room and then the decorating is done. 

Starting early is a gift I give to myself and I’m always grateful for it! 🌲

#simplechristmas #traditionalchristmas
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest fo “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” ~ G.K. Chesterton

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours dear friends! 🍂
Christmas has arrived in the family room where I k Christmas has arrived in the family room where I keep things simple but festive! We’ll get a fresh tree after Thanksgiving which will go in our front room bay window but this slim faux tree with its colorful ornaments tides us over for now. Which room in your home gets the Christmas treatment first? Or do you just start doing a little at a time in each room? 🎄

*pillow covers are from @jshhomeessentials
I share this recipe every year because it’s JUST I share this recipe every year because it’s JUST.THAT.GOOD! 

And I have a confession ...I’d rather have cranberry sauce smothering the turkey on my plate than gravy any day!! And this, this right here? Well it’s the best (and easiest!) cranberry sauce ever!! I eat on crackers and sandwiches and sometimes just by the spoonful. It’s so yummy! And I’m just so very thankful for all of you that I’m going to leave the recipe right here instead of making you go to the blog to get it. I promise you won’t regret having this on your Thanksgiving menu but be warned...you may find yourself up in the middle of the night sneaking some helpings of this deliciousness. Or maybe that’s just me!

Ingredients:
2 pounds fresh or frozen cranberries
2 oranges
2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup white wine.

Instructions:
Wash and pick over berries, removing any that are soft. Peel and dice oranges removing any seeds. Combine all ingredients in a large pot. Bring to a full boil. Reduce heat and continue cooking until cranberries pop open and mixture is thickening.
For best flavor, prepare and let stand for several days before using.

Gobble, gobble!! 🦃
How do I want people to feel when they walk throug How do I want people to feel when they walk through my front door? That’s always at the top of my mind when I’m decorating my entry for each season, particularly at Christmastime. 

✨I want them to feel like my home is greeting them with a smile.

✨I want them to feel like this is a place where care has been given to details (but not to the point of being too stuffy or too busy or too overwhelming). 

✨I want them to feel like there is peace here.

✨I want them to feel like they are welcome…because they are. 

My home is a reflection of my heart and my heart is a reflection of the ONE for whom I live and try to honor and praise all of my days, but especially at Christmas.

How do you want people to feel when they come into your home? 

#christmasentry #simplechristmas #simplicity #wearethehomemakers
This is not a criticism of those who are sharing t This is not a criticism of those who are sharing their great new Christmas finds but rather an encouragement to those of you who are feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all and trying to resist the temptation to purchase more items than you really need.

Several years ago I felt a conviction in my heart about how much time and money I was spending on trying to create a new look every Christmas. I was not being a good steward of my resources and I was far too easily swayed by the peer pressure in this area. And a funny thing happened when I smashed this idol that had taken up residence in my heart. I suddenly found renewed joy in decorating for the season. By keeping things simple and maybe only buying something like a new spool of velvet ribbon, I actually realized that I could be far more creative reusing and repurposing what I already had.

In the coming weeks your news feeds will be filled with temptations for MORE. Maybe, this year, you too can find the joy in LESS. 🌲

#simplechristmas #simplicity #wearethehomemakers
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