*click here for part one of The Peace-Filled Home series*
I have a thing for pendulums. I’ve talked a little bit about them here before.
Perhaps it’s the fact that a pendulum is always trying to find the center. They are made using a fixed point and as they swing back and forth there is an effort, a straining, towards getting back to that point.
That point is the equilibrium.
Here’s the thing though, when you tilt a pendulum too far to one extreme or the other, it has to work so much harder to get back to that fixed point. It strains to find the equilibrium.
I think that when it comes to the care and keeping of our homes, our cultural pendulum seems to swing wildly from one extreme to the next. Which means finding a center, a balance, becomes an incredibly challenging task.
Many years ago, June Cleaver was held up as the ultimate homemaker. Calm, patient, unflappable, never a raised voice, high heels on, pearls around the neck and always prepared for whatever minor childhood crisis her sons (or Edie Haskell!) found themselves in for that particular episode.
June Cleaver was an extreme. While she embodied so many of the wonderful things about that decade, wearing heels and a twin-set while cleaning toilets seems so utterly unrealistic nowadays that it is laughable.
That being said, as is so often the case, in order to rebel against one extreme we tend to go to the opposite extreme.
Pearls are out and yoga pants are in! Frankly, I love me a good pair of elastic waist pants and I couldn’t even remotely imagine cleaning my house in any other attire. But I think in our attempt to get away from the June Cleaver syndrome we may have thrown the pearl wearing baby out with the pristinely clean bathwater.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think we’ve made amazing strides towards relaxing that ridiculous standard of homemaking. I think that we have become women who are more involved with our families than ever before. I think that we have embraced the truth that we don’t have to be perfect or put up a front of having it all together. Most importantly, I think we’ve realized that high heels and housework don’t mix well. 😉
And all of that is awesome. So, so awesome!
But somewhere along the line I believe that the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction that we have started believing that it is impossible to have a peace-filled home in the midst of the chaos of life. We are believing the lie that we are, in fact, BETTER when we have homes that are crazy, messy and overwhelming. That happy kids only come from homes where we completely let go of everything.
And I don’t believe that.
I believe in that pendulum. I believe in it’s desire to get back to the fixed point. I believe in a balance between the two extremes.
I believe it’s possible to have busy lives, active schedules and yes even some chaos and still have a peace-filled home.
I believe that most of us still long for our homes to be a sanctuary. A respite from the craziness of the world.
Now, hear me LOUD AND CLEAR when I say that when I’m referring to a peace-filled home I’m not talking about perfection. And peace is not the absence of stress. But peace is possible in the midst of it all.
And ladies, I believe that it starts with us!
You know that saying “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? Well, it’s true.
For better or for worse, we set the tone in our homes. Frankly, it stinks. But just because I don’t like the fact that when I’m on a moody rampage everyone in my home is a bit on edge doesn’t make it any less true that my mood tends to dictate the general vibe of our house.
I think that until we address the issue of having a peace-filled heart, we can’t really address the issue of having a peace-filled home.
Because our home reflects our heart and our heart reflects our home.
So, let’s start peeling back those layers together.
Next time we meet I’ll be talking about how I’ve come to a place of peace in my own heart and how that has translated into my home.
But until then, what are your thoughts on this? Let’s talk!
Someone younger than I has FINALLY said it! I mentor several women in your age range, and I hear this all the time: “I decided to forget the house today and just sit in the floor and play with the kids.” There are so many things wrong with that sentence I can’t even get started. By doing something like this, the mom is devaluing the beauty of the household ritual of peace, failing to allow her children to learn to play by themselves, and a plethora (great word!) of other issues.
I am going to keep this piece, probably forever, and use it with the young women I get to share with and love on.
THANK YOU!
Thank you, Vanessa! I well remember the local “Homemakers” group my mother belonged to in the 60’s and 70’s and my mother epitomized and still does strive to keep that balance in her home. She taught me so much about all of the facets of making a home and I think it’s a lost art.
I’ve thought recently that I’d like to start a “Homemakers” group (…we must have a new “culturally correct” name for it these days, however). A group that leads the cause for that peace you are speaking of, bringing back the art of making a home.
Well done, Vanessa, and thank you for your insights today. I can’t wait to hear more about how you have created this in your own home.
Blessings,
Jackie
Thank you! These thoughts have been in my heart and mind for years. Years! How often have I heard, leave the dishes and the laundry, your kids are only little once. The peace in my home, and yes, I believe I achieve peace on most days, comes from order. Order that fights the chaos of having a 16, 2 and 8 month old. My children will recognize this order as they grow and home will be a welcome haven to escape the world to. So, my dishes get done daily, the laundry gets folded daily and yes, my kids are only little once but this order is the gift I give to them.
Cristen I agree with you totally. Having a messy undone home causes more chaos in my heart and mind than taking time to clean it up.
When my sons were at home, I cleaned and they had areas to clean. And yes it is a gift. A clean, well taken care of home is a gift to the ones that live there. And to the visitors.
Suze Orman (finance expert) once said something about being able to tell how people manage their money by how their home is kept/organized. I think there is something to that. I may be a lil’ OCD about finances and keeping my home clean and nice. But those are strengths of mine and I know those strengths have helped our family have a more peaceful life. Everyone has their own method of home care. Years ago, after quitting work to be a SAHM, I divided up chores to be spread out throughout the week. If I don’t get to that chore that day (life happens), I can do it the next day added to that day’s chore.. After that, it has to wait til the next rotation/week. Chores are done in the morning before I leave the house. Appt’s always scheduled late morning or later. When, we’ve sold homes, we’ve gotten good feedback on care of home. It’s helped us make more, sell faster, and it’s nice to get that feedback.
Lisa, I like the way you have scheduled chores. Would you be willing to share your schedule with me so I can use it as a jumping off point to create my own schedule? I could use some help ; )
Thanks Charlene
Monday-Bedding and Bills/Budget
Tuesday-Towels and Kitchen/Laundry (not floors)
Wednesday-Darks and Bathrooms (rotate)
Thursday-Whites and Floors
Friday-Towels and Dust, “Windex”, and Vacuum carpet
Saturday-Yard as needed
First Tuesday and Friday of month, extra deep cleaning in these areas.
(Tuesday laundry means I clean the laundry room that day. As you can see I like doing a load a day of laundry as that is easy as you do other chores while laundry is running….)
Thank you this was very helpful.
Do you have the kids do their own bedrooms or do you do those as well? I’m guessing it depends on their ages and abilities. I used to have my son make his bed even if it was messy, that was okay. He had a little responsibility and then it grew as he did. Unfortunately, he’s home now (age 22) and doesn’t see the need to pick up his room. He says it’s his space and don’t worry about it. Darn kids anyway!!
My daughters (22 and 30) helped around the house. They “made” their beds but a rule I had was when you ask someone to do something that is typically because you want it done, accept it will be done to their standard. Having a 1 1/2 story home, meant my daughters lived in their own lil’ “apartment” for years and took responsibility of that space. It wasn’t kept super neat, though, they did fine. I was the “homemaker” but they had different priorities with school, cheerleading, and sports. My youngest is very neat and a great decorator. My oldest, now, not so much. Both are great employees and hard workers and empathetic gals. And, my opinion, your home, your rules.
I remember when I got ready to move away from home and be on my own, my mom told me that she went behind me and my sister when we helped clean our parents’ house because we didn’t do the job to her standards. For a long time, I had a hard time cleaning my own home because I believed I could never do it right. Then I found Flylady and she helped me see that I could be free of the “not good enough” mindset. I still do not do all I should do to keep my home orderly, but I no longer beat myself over the head- I just start from where I am
I wish I could have read this when my kids still lived at home. Very thought provoking.