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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

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December 30, 2015

Certain Uncertainty

When I became a mom of two I entered into a season of what I found to be a new kind of crazy. I had gotten one child all potty-trained and sleeping through the night and drinking out of a cup without a lid and giving me a chance to take a shower and go to the bathroom by myself…most of the time.

christmas decorations

And then, there I was, starting the process alllll over again. Didn’t we just do this?

It was in that particular season that I vividly remember how I felt when I would somehow, magically, find that I had an hour or two all to myself without the munchkins around.

I’m pretty sure that the build-up moms feel as they wait for those kid-free moments is exactly like the build-up the astronauts feel as they prepare for the space shuttle to launch. Watching the clock as the minutes, then seconds, count down. Hearts pumping with eager anticipation. Doing all of the last-minute checks to make certain that things will go off without a hitch. And then, it’s time. A dramatic pause, maybe a few tears, sparks flying and then it’s all-systems ‘GO’!

christmas decorations2

There was always this glorious moment when I finally found myself alone where I would just simply pause and soak in the silence. I would close my eyes and just feel it enveloping me, wrapping me up and reminding me that I was, in fact, an actual person and not just a pacifier finding, train track building, baby food making, diaper changing robot.

But then, sometimes, that same wonderful silence would become almost overwhelming. I would feel like it was mocking me with all of it’s possibilities. I’ve been craving this alone time and now, all of a sudden I felt a sense of panic beginning to rise up in me.

Should I take a nap?

Should I sit down and read a book…which will inevitably lead to taking a nap?

Should I clean the kitchen?

Should I take a nap?

Should I catch up on the shows I haven’t watched in 2 years?

Should I take a nap?

Should I call that friend who I never get to talk to without being interrupted a million times?

Should I take a nap?

The thoughts would swirl and twirl all around in my mind until I felt like I was developing a temporary case of schizophrenia. I would find myself wandering around the house, never actually determining how I was going to spend the time. Here I had longed for, intensely craved a few minutes to myself and now that I had it, I didn’t know what to do with it.

What felt like a gift had suddenly become an overwhelming burden because I was so afraid of not making the absolute, positive MOST out of every single minute.

Think about the pressure I was putting on those 2 hours. They were expected to live up to this fantasy I had created in my mind and somehow magically fulfill every longing.

And, inevitably, I would be left feeling let down. The kids would come back home and my life as ‘mom/pacifier finder/train track builder/diaper changer/robot’ would resume and I would look back on that free-time with huge amounts of regret.

christmas decorations3

Somewhere deep in the recesses of my heart I knew that I had wasted it. I felt as though I had failed at yet one more thing. As a mom of young children, that sense of failure was already something I was very familiar with. It seemed like at every turn I was coming up short and now I realized that I was even a failure at what should be a guarantee. I should know how to relax, right? I should know how to make the most of two hours without running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  I should feel refreshed afterwards, not sad and confused.

Shouldn’t I?

I’ve recently realized that I tend to approach the start of a new year in the same way that I used to approach those kid-free moments years ago.

I see the months and weeks and days (and minutes and seconds!) of this fresh year stretching in front of me with all of it’s possibilities.

At first, it all seems so exciting and ripe with opportunities and I have no doubt as to how I will fill each moment.

I’m going to give the dining room a makeover!

I’m going to finish writing that blog post I’ve had half-written for 6 months!

I’m going to get up extra early in the morning!

I’m going to organize the attic!

I’m going to spend more time studying the bible!

I’m going to find another way to volunteer!

And then, just like in those days of early motherhood, I find myself completely overwhelmed by all of the options and stressed out thinking about how critical it is that I make the absolute MOST out of every day.

But, friends, not this year.

oswald chambers

You see, I think I’ve had it all backwards. I’ve spent way too much time trying to be certain of myself and of ‘all of my ways’. And this striving for certainty in my life has led me to that place where the thought of what ‘tomorrow may bring’ doesn’t just fill me with ‘a sigh of sadness’. It fills me with fear and doubt. The more I’ve reached for certainty all on my own, the more uncertain and untrusting I’ve become of God.

Frankly, the thought of abandoning myself to Him seems completely and utterly terrifying. The unknown has never been something I’ve been particularly fond of. 😉

When I was given the glorious gift of kid-free moments all of those years ago, it was my inability to abandon myself which ultimately led to it feeling like more a punishment than a blessing. And it always ended with a ‘sigh of sadness’. Not because it was over. But because it never lived up to what I had imagined in my head.

But, what if I did it differently this year?

What if, instead of running around trying to figure out what is going to happen in the months, weeks, days, minutes and seconds of 2016, I embraced the uncertainty of it all? In fact, what if I not only embraced the uncertainty of it but I replaced that uncertainty about what tomorrow will bring, with certainty about God. About who He is. About His character. About His love for me.

Being certain about God doesn’t mean I can’t have dreams or make plans or wonder about what is to come.

But it does mean that my trust in Him trumps my need for certainty. 

And I’m ready. I’m ready to abandon myself to Him and to the task He has placed closest to me.

I’m ready for my life to be filled with surprises.

Which is saying a lot for a girl who absolutely hates surprises!

But, I know that His surprises will far surpass anything that I could have ever imagined. They always have!

And how about for you? Are you ready to get comfortable with being uncertain in YOUR ways so that you can be certain of HIS?

Maybe we can form a support group! Who’s with me? 🙂

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12 Comments Filed Under: Devotionals, Good Thoughts

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Comments

  1. Mo says

    December 30, 2015 at 3:15 AM

    Don’t wish your life away…..you will turn around ad your children will be grown with families of their own!

    Reply
  2. Kristy says

    December 30, 2015 at 5:18 AM

    I so needed to read this, I think. I quit my job thinking I was going to be a housewife forever, but my husband feels like I need to return to work so that we can pay down debt and not have to count every penny. I feel like if we budgeted properly and counted pennies, we’d be fine. Needless to say, we aren’t on the same page. It’s causing serious friction in what I thought was a picture perfect marriage ordained by God. I’m almost 50, so I’m not looking forward to getting back into the rat race again. I know God loves me; I quote Romans 8:28 to my Sunday School class almost weekly. I feel so …. I don’t even know what I feel. Scared, uncertain, rug pulled out from under my feet, yuck. I’m trying to look at this as positive. I’m trying to not be resentful ( I’m not doing very well). I’m questioning everything I thought I knew. I’m not questioning God, per se, just my ability to discern His voice, what I thought He wanted for me. I feel much like you in some ways. I feel like I’m just a laundromat, cook, maid, whatever needs doing. I feel like I lost my identity, my dreams, my goals somewhere down the road I’m on. I don’t know how to get it back.

    Reply
  3. Carol says

    December 30, 2015 at 5:19 AM

    I agree with Mo. It seems like yesterday the diaper parade woul never end and now my children age from 42 to 58. I didn’t believe that time would pass so rapidly

    Reply
  4. Karen Varney says

    December 30, 2015 at 5:22 AM

    I am definitely with you on this. I am tired of failing because I do things my way. As I get older and reflect on my life I missed out on so much by not putting God first so that I could be a happier, stress free, person. My goal this year is to pray first then react to any given situation that is set before me. God is in control whether we want to believe this or not!

    Reply
  5. Bren says

    December 30, 2015 at 6:24 AM

    I am with you!!!

    Reply
  6. Angie says

    December 30, 2015 at 6:55 AM

    Thank you! You have completely expressed everything I have been feeling this year. I am ready for 2016 to be different, so I will embrace the certainty of God and be ready for all his love has to offer!

    Reply
  7. heidi @ Decor & More says

    December 30, 2015 at 7:18 AM

    OH, vanessa, how this post speaks to me! Only by trusting in Him and His plan for us can we relax into that uncertainty! My Word of the Year for 2016 is TRUST, so you can count me in! Looking forward to rocking uncertainty and TRUST with you this year!
    xo Heidi

    Reply
  8. Debbie Riley says

    December 30, 2015 at 7:34 AM

    Your words are spoken with much wisdom. I am 65 and remember quite well those moments when I thought I had maybe an hour to do something “productive” while the children napped. Walking around in a stupor of what should i do? what should I do? It all seems so silly now, and what a waste of time spent in worrying about what to do!! It’s easy to say now that I’m past that point. To be honest, I sometimes still feel myself in that stupor of what to do first when I have several things that need to be done. One step at a time. Take nothing for granted. Love where you are in life at the moment. Let go, Let God.

    Reply
  9. Leslie says

    December 30, 2015 at 10:57 AM

    Right there with you!! Thanks for sharing today!❤️

    Reply
  10. Chloe | Boxwood Avenue says

    December 30, 2015 at 2:35 PM

    I think that’s a lovely “resolution” to trust in him, and his plan. I loved reading your story, I hope to remember it when I have kiddies of my own.

    Reply
  11. Gwen says

    December 30, 2015 at 8:27 PM

    This is a perfect post. I’ve had a revelation to record my Journey of Joy each day. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Do I want to go through life letting mean people rule me? That’s like focusing my thoughts on THEM giving them power over my mind. Worshiping their meanness and talking about it instead of talking and worshipping the Lord and thinking on Him!! Praising Him! And like you I don’t give myself “permission” to goof off. Or read for fun. And then I’ve started so many things to get done I’m worse off!!!
    And I’m excited to search for the joy daily in my journey along the way and write about it so that if you read it, you too would find it joyful. Not dour.
    Yes. I’m in!!!

    Reply
  12. Crystal@WhatTreasuresAwait says

    December 31, 2015 at 2:46 PM

    I cannot tell you how often your posts put into words all of my thoughts! I always wonder why I have sadness and worry on New Year’s Eve. I’ve always felt strange because I don’t get all excited at the stroke of midnight. I love having the fresh start (and a blank planner) but the pressure to make the New Year amazing is almost too much! I’ve created my goals for 2016 but after 2015 went nothing like I had planned, I’m going to try and give myself a break and just trust God. Please keep writing from your heart because you are so inspiring to me!

    Reply

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The first weekend in December seems like a good ti The first weekend in December seems like a good time for my annual gentle reminder about this month. I don’t know about you but, for me, December is a month of mixed emotions, ranging from joy-filled moments to ones that have me wanting to pull my hair out.

There are so many expectations and we put so much pressure on ourselves to create magical memories. And for years I have felt the added weight of wanting to make sure my family had opportunities throughout the month to grow in their relationship with Christ.

We celebrate advent and read all of the appropriate Baby Jesus books and encourage a spirit of generosity and heavily emphasize the real reason for the season.

But sweet friends, I want to remind you today that one month out of the year does not a strong relationship with the Lord make. December doesn’t define our faith in Christ.

For our families or for us.

There are 11 other months in the year. 11 other months to live out our faith in front of our children. 11 other months to pray with them. 11 other months to help them wrestle through their questions and add depth to their walk with the Lord. 11 other months to encourage them to have generous spirits.

Let’s stop putting so much pressure on this one month out of the year. Let’s be surprised at the ways we might be able to celebrate the baby in the manger without a dozen countdown calendars. Let’s give our kids some grace when they are focused more on gifts because…well…they’re kids after all.

And while we’re at it, let’s give ourselves some grace too.

Grace when we think we should feel all the warm fuzzy feelings about Christmas but we really just want to take a nap. Or have a good cry. 

Grace that reminds us that this month will soon be over and we will have a brand new year ahead of us.

A new year filled with big moments and little moments and everything in between.

A new year to draw even closer to our Savior.

My hope for you is that, as you head into this season, you will be given fresh perspective and that you will give yourself (and your family) permission to just ‘be’. ✨
✨ The first Sunday of Advent is upon us and this ✨ The first Sunday of Advent is upon us and this year I created a super simple centerpiece for my dining room that incorporates the candles we will use each of the four weeks leading up to Christmas. While we will only light one candle each week, I used more than four so that the centerpiece would look a bit more filled in. In keeping with my goal to embrace a softer approach to my decorating, this arrangement works perfectly and helps to keep our focus on the beauty and the meaning  of the Advent season. For more ideas like this, check out my previous Advent post! ✨

#advent #adventcandles #simplechristmas #wearethehomemakers
In this season of motherhood, my soul is feeling a In this season of motherhood, my soul is feeling a bit more tender. When Christmas rolls around and I no longer have wish lists that include Lego sets or dollhouses, I find that I want my home to reflect this craving for all things gentle.

So our hot cocoa station this year is much more simple and done in a neutral color palette that just subtly blends in with the rest of the decor. It still feels festive and is definitely still “user friendly” but it’s just a bit less…well…less.

And, that’s ok. It’s not that this area won’t ever again have bright colors (maybe even pops of red!) but, right now I’m happy to have things this way.

With all that is going on in the world right outside our door, my desire is for our home to truly feel like a respite. I want it to be where we come and let our guard down, our heart rates slow and to be flooded with a sense of peace in knowing that here is where we can just simply be. I want it to be a place of rest. Rest from the constant onslaught of news and information. Rest from the seemingly small struggles of school and jobs that can so often feel like big struggles.

And, most importantly, we rest in the comfort of knowing the One who is Sovereign over all and is the reason this month is so very special and sacred.

Many blessings to you dear friends as we kick off this wonderful season! ✨
Next week is first Sunday of Advent. And contrary Next week is first Sunday of Advent. And contrary to popular belief, the celebration of Advent is VERY different from just simply doing a ‘countdown to Christmas’. It’s not about having little drawers filled with candy or doors to open with prizes inside. Those things are so much fun and definitely help to build anticipation as you head closer and closer to the big day.

But Advent, from the latin word ‘adventus’ meaning ‘arrival’ or ‘appearance’ keeps the focus completely on celebrating the arrival of the King who came in the form of an infant.

This is one of our favorite family traditions and over the years I’ve figured out how to incorporate the Advent candles into my decor without using the traditional wreath. I hope this gives you some ideas and inspiration as we head into this sacred season. 🌲

#advent #adventdecoration #wearethehomemakers
Why do I start decorating before Thanksgiving? Bec Why do I start decorating before Thanksgiving? Because it’s the Saturday after and my house is almost completely ready to start the season! So I’m sitting with my coffee and just soaking it all up knowing that now I can focus on shopping, hosting and preparing our hearts for the start of Advent. The only thing left to do is get our fresh tree for the front room and then the decorating is done. 

Starting early is a gift I give to myself and I’m always grateful for it! 🌲

#simplechristmas #traditionalchristmas
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest fo “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” ~ G.K. Chesterton

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours dear friends! 🍂
Christmas has arrived in the family room where I k Christmas has arrived in the family room where I keep things simple but festive! We’ll get a fresh tree after Thanksgiving which will go in our front room bay window but this slim faux tree with its colorful ornaments tides us over for now. Which room in your home gets the Christmas treatment first? Or do you just start doing a little at a time in each room? 🎄

*pillow covers are from @jshhomeessentials
I share this recipe every year because it’s JUST I share this recipe every year because it’s JUST.THAT.GOOD! 

And I have a confession ...I’d rather have cranberry sauce smothering the turkey on my plate than gravy any day!! And this, this right here? Well it’s the best (and easiest!) cranberry sauce ever!! I eat on crackers and sandwiches and sometimes just by the spoonful. It’s so yummy! And I’m just so very thankful for all of you that I’m going to leave the recipe right here instead of making you go to the blog to get it. I promise you won’t regret having this on your Thanksgiving menu but be warned...you may find yourself up in the middle of the night sneaking some helpings of this deliciousness. Or maybe that’s just me!

Ingredients:
2 pounds fresh or frozen cranberries
2 oranges
2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup white wine.

Instructions:
Wash and pick over berries, removing any that are soft. Peel and dice oranges removing any seeds. Combine all ingredients in a large pot. Bring to a full boil. Reduce heat and continue cooking until cranberries pop open and mixture is thickening.
For best flavor, prepare and let stand for several days before using.

Gobble, gobble!! 🦃
How do I want people to feel when they walk throug How do I want people to feel when they walk through my front door? That’s always at the top of my mind when I’m decorating my entry for each season, particularly at Christmastime. 

✨I want them to feel like my home is greeting them with a smile.

✨I want them to feel like this is a place where care has been given to details (but not to the point of being too stuffy or too busy or too overwhelming). 

✨I want them to feel like there is peace here.

✨I want them to feel like they are welcome…because they are. 

My home is a reflection of my heart and my heart is a reflection of the ONE for whom I live and try to honor and praise all of my days, but especially at Christmas.

How do you want people to feel when they come into your home? 

#christmasentry #simplechristmas #simplicity #wearethehomemakers
This is not a criticism of those who are sharing t This is not a criticism of those who are sharing their great new Christmas finds but rather an encouragement to those of you who are feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all and trying to resist the temptation to purchase more items than you really need.

Several years ago I felt a conviction in my heart about how much time and money I was spending on trying to create a new look every Christmas. I was not being a good steward of my resources and I was far too easily swayed by the peer pressure in this area. And a funny thing happened when I smashed this idol that had taken up residence in my heart. I suddenly found renewed joy in decorating for the season. By keeping things simple and maybe only buying something like a new spool of velvet ribbon, I actually realized that I could be far more creative reusing and repurposing what I already had.

In the coming weeks your news feeds will be filled with temptations for MORE. Maybe, this year, you too can find the joy in LESS. 🌲

#simplechristmas #simplicity #wearethehomemakers
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