The alarm blares and my eyes struggle to open. Immediately my mind is flooded with thoughts about the day ahead.
Will there be enough time to get it all done?
I shuffle my feet along the carpet, willing my body to go towards the bathroom door rather than turning back towards the warmth of my bed. The darkness outside only contributes to my sense of grogginess.
Coming down the stairs and into the kitchen, the first thing to greet me are the dishes in the sink from last nights’ dinner.
There wasn’t enough time or enough energy to wash them before going to bed.
We race through our morning routine of drinking coffee, packing lunches, drinking more coffee, getting homework into backpacks, drinking even more coffee and getting out the door…coffee in hand.
I drop my kids off at school and as I get back in the car I can’t help but wonder…
Am I doing enough for them? Are they getting enough of what they need?
Am I equipped enough to be the mom they need me to be?
Back home again where the row of laundry baskets wait for me, mockingly, at the top of the stairs.
I open the lid to the washing machine and the stale smell of damp clothes hits me. I forgot to put that load in the dryer yesterday.
There was enough going on to distract me from completing that simple task.
Now I have to wash it again, forcing the pile-up of laundry to grow like cars in a traffic jam.
Opening my laptop I’m greeted by business emails. Deadlines, commitments, requests, dream opportunities. All good stuff. All things I’m excited about, honored by.
All things that leave me wondering if I’m good enough.
I think about one dream…that one that seems so far fetched and yet is becoming increasingly more within reach.
There is no way that I have enough of what it takes to make that dream a reality.
Hopping to my personal emails, the onslaught continues. Field trips, volunteering, church commitments, swim meet schedule, basketball practice schedule, fundraisers.
Is there enough of us to go around?
I scan through them trying to decide what I can weed out before my exhausted husband sees them. Not only is he working his regular job but now with his boss battling cancer, he’s been asked to step in as the interim manager. He’s overwhelmed already and I long to spare him from becoming even more so.
Am I doing enough to help him?
I start to make a grocery list, willing myself to remember the things I supposedly made ‘mental notes’ of throughout the week. I’m quite certain I will still leave the store without much needed items which I won’t realize I forgot to buy until I’ve already reached home.
And suddenly it’s all too much.
I sit at my kitchen table, everything running through my head. The needle on the record player in my mind stuck on the same phrase.
You’re not enough, you’re not enough, you’re not enough, you’re not enough.
I know that it’s not true….I think I know that it’s not true…I should know that it’s not true.
But somewhere between knowing it and feeling it there is a breakdown.
I’m becoming more and more convinced that the breakdown comes as a result of my doubt. In the quiet moments, in the darkness, in the recesses of my heart, I doubt that God truly loves me just as I am. That He wants me to come to Him and just ‘be’. That He doesn’t have a list of requirements and expectations waiting for me.
That I am enough for Him.
Simply writing out those words brings the tears.
And yet, His letter to me tells me the truth. Reveals just how wrong I am.
The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17
What would it be like to be quieted by His love? To feel Him rejoicing over me with gladness?
I want to tell you that I know that feeling. But if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I have ever really, truly allowed Him to do that for me.
But lately, there’s been a change. Slowly, very slowly, I’m coming to realize two things.
I’m not enough.
I am enough.
Confused yet? Well, you see, there’s an interesting dichotomy that occurs when we embrace the truth of His love.
On the one hand, we are made aware of the fact that without Him, we are nothing. Have nothing.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
Totally shallow, emptied, nothing. Like branches split from a tree during a storm and lying on the ground. They will not continue to grow and flourish without being connected to the roots…to the vine.
So, we have to come to that place where we recognize our deep need for Him. A need that was created by Him and can only be filled by Him. We aren’t enough. WE aren’t enough.
But HE is! He is enough for us.
There’s another hand though. The piece that makes it such a dichotomy.
Because, at the same time, He tells us that, in fact, we are enough.
We are loved and cherished. We were worth the sacrifice of His Son. He ‘exults over us’.
Then Christ will make His home in your heart as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:17-19
We are able to come to Him, just as we are and simply receive.
This dichotomy, this two sides of the grace ‘coin’ is a mystery that I haven’t fully come to understand.
I honestly don’t know that I ever will.
I am broken and yet made whole in Him.
I am empty and yet filled by Him.
I am a mess and yet beautiful to Him.
And that is enough.
My favorite verse : Zephania “He will rejoice over you with singing”. When my son was in Iraq the first time. he called home one day and asked “Does God sing?”. God had recently been speaking to me through this verse, so I could quickly answer, “Yes”. This verse means so much to me – and assures me of HIS love.
Melissa @ DaisyMaeBelle says
Praise The Lord that He is enough! Thank you for sharing this today. My laundry piles are growing, my schedule is packed, and I needed to hear this. Life to the full! Melissa
Nancy Sharp says
Another beautiful message from you. I have always loved the thought that God hears our prayers and loves us as if we were His only child. I pray you will be able to “Be still” before Him each day and let His strength fill you to do all that is enough each day. (On a lighter note, you have cute laundry baskets).
Just when I didn’t want to open another email yours was calling to me. I’m feeling exactly where you are at right now. I long for the calm of not being pulled in so many directions. I’m actually looking at a post-it that I hung on my desk several months ago that says…I’m Enough. How ironic to then read your post today.
Thank you for your openness and the wonderful Bible verses that help to put it all in perspective.
My children are grown now and out of the home…we would have “family meetings” and at times I would share that I needed extra hands right now. Without burdening their hearts especially if they are young it seems like when we share with our loved ones that we need some extra help they are ready to be there. Brings more harmony to everyone. Even when one of my sons was two his favorite thing was to help me fold bathroom towels..it wasn’t how I would have preferred but…it was time together doing something I truly did not enjoy.
PS I too love your laundry baskets!
Renee @ The Refined Relic says
Beautiful post. I have learned that I can’t do it all and I can’t do any of it without God. I am learning that I need to say no more often and rid my life of the unnecessary. Most importantly, I need to say yes to resting in God. I have learned that when I am so consumed with my daily activities that I am less consumed of God. That is not His desire. There will never be enough time for us to get everything that we need to accomplish in a days time but there will always be enough of God. Thanks for sharing your heart. Have a blessed day.
Kerry Purcell says
What a beautiful post and a wonderful reminder. Thanks so much for sharing!
Julia G. says
What a wonderful reminder that WE are enough because HE is enough. I needed to read this today!
Praying today that the Voice of Truth drowns out the lies of the enemy!
Reg F says
I so needed to read this message today. Thanks for sharing.
This was a very nice post to read today! It got me back to a place of faith very quickly. I felt very over extended today and it being one day till Halloween and not having the even the pumpkins yet, sometimes this mom of five just can’t handle it all. I literally had to pull over and sob because most days I am in grungy sweat pants and my hair is a mess, everyone else seems to have it together while I am forgetting where I even put it. I lean on the Lord in times like this but more so in times when things are going like a well oiled machine. That is when I throw my hands up and say “praise you God” “you are great”
Thank you so much for these words. I needed them!
Beth at Unskinny Boppy says
Thank you for sharing your heart today Vanessa. It’s exactly what so many of us are going through right now in this Age of Busy. How are we all keeping it together? WHY are we all keeping it together? What is this busyness all for? I keep pondering that in my head, and my to-do list just keeps growing. It’s not what God intended for us. He wants us to be still and know, right? I am learning how to be still, but man it’s hard.
Thank you for sharing! I love the scriptures too. I’m older but I do remember those days. Above all, spend time with God and with your family. The other things are less important and it will all be ok…the laundry will get done, meals will be made (perhaps adjusted a bit if you forgot something) and emails can be deleted. 🙂 Making memories with your kids and having a date night with hubby are priorities.
Yes! You are enough…you do enough…and God is in your corner.
Beautiful post, Vanessa. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Blessings to you friend!
Shelley @ Calypso in the Country says
Great post and a nice reminder!
“May the Son of righteousness shine upon you and scatter the darkness from the path before you. With each step you take may you hear the brush of angel’s wings assuring you that you do not walk alone.”
An old blessing of unknown origin that hangs over my desk.
Thank you for the reassurance offered to all of us with this post.