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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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October 2, 2011

A Labor of the Heart Part 6

*This is a continuation of the Labor of the Heart Series. Less about infertility and adoption, this is my journey of Faith. The very happy ending is that we have 2 beautiful children whom we were blessed with through adoption. To read the rest of our story, click here.*

Adding Insult to Injury

When last we met, I shared with you that as I came out of my fog of grief over being unable to have biological children, I realized that I was about to get even more bad news.
MORE bad news, you ask?
Why yes, but it might not be what you are thinking.
It didn’t have anything to do with ovulation or doctors or adoption.
Frankly, it didn’t even have a lot to do with babies.
The Bad News came in the form of a Revelation.
It was this:
I wasn’t the person I thought I was.
I was slowly seeing sides of myself that I had never seen before.
The layers of my heart were being peeled back one by one and, to be honest, what was revealed to me wasn’t too pretty!
We have all heard it said that the reason we go through trials is to learn how to help others through their own. Perhaps we can offer comfort and words of wisdom or even just an understanding shoulder to cry on.
And this is absolutely true!
Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
If you have ever experienced any level of loss, grief, pain or trauma, you fully appreciate the fact that this allows you to empathize with others in an entirely new way.
But, no one tells you the other piece of this puzzle of pain.

shutterstock-3d-jigsaw puzzle piece photoshop
Source

Maybe it is because it is an easy piece to lose.
Or maybe it is just an easy piece to dismiss as unnecessary to the completion of the puzzle.
Nonetheless, it is still missing.
You may have the satisfaction of the puzzle coming together and revealing the image you first saw on the outside of the box.


Source

But that one missing piece will always be there, reminding you that you never quite finished it.
Perhaps our first “job” in these times of trouble isn’t just to get through it so that we may or may not have the opportunity to help someone else someday.
It might sound counter-intuitive, but maybe we need to be a little more selfish than that.
You see, helping someone through their own painful journey is so nice and selfless.
But, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have really dealt with your own heart issues.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers (and sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

As the numbness wore off and the pain moved in and set up camp in my heart, I began to realize that God was offering me an opportunity for something which had less to do with babies, and more to do with my relationship with Him.

But this opportunity was going to require more from me than I was really prepared to give.
I wanted to wallow in my hurt.
I wanted to indulge in a never-ending pity party!
Didn’t I have that right?
In those dark moments I had felt God’s presence like never before in my life.
He was REAL.
He offered COMFORT.
I felt His LOVE in a whole new way.
But then that love took me down a different road.
One that wasn’t quite as comforting. And it definitely wasn’t comfortable!
This is where I felt like He was really adding insult to injury.
Couldn’t I just continue to feel His love in the warm and fuzzy,
 “grandpa in the sky handing out candy and quarters” kind of way?
That’s not REAL love though, now is it?

Because any parent will tell you that REAL love requires so much more than

putting a band-aid on a scraped knee.
That scrape may need a little bit of stinging antibiotic ointment put on before the band-aid can go over it. Ouch! It hurts so much and yet it is the only way real healing can begin.
My “stinging ointment” took the form of a new awareness of those areas that were keeping me from seeing His plan for our family. If adoption was the only way we were going to be able to have children, it meant I would be different from everyone else around me.
While my friends experienced the joy of new life growing inside of them, all I felt growing inside of me was an awareness of my need for God to reveal the truth to me about my heart.
And, the first place we stopped along this awareness journey was in a place called
PRIDE.
To be continued…
Thoughts to Ponder:
1. Have you experienced a trial in your life in which you felt
 God’s presence and comfort like never before?

2. During that time, did you ever feel that God was nudging you to learn more about yourself?

3. If so, what did He reveal?

4. If not, what kept you from allowing Him to reach those places of your heart
that you kept hidden away?

Thank you for joining me for this installment of A Labor of the Heart on this Simply Sunday at the Fence,

Imparting Grace

18 Comments Filed Under: A Labor of the Heart

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Comments

  1. Kristin says

    October 2, 2011 at 4:09 PM

    Vanessa~
    This is a beautifully written and thought provoking post.
    I love the puzzle analogy.
    What a huge life lesson you have been given and I think we all need to be reminded about the reasons for our hardships.
    Love, Kristin

    Reply
  2. Savvy Seasons says

    October 2, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    Beautifully written, Vanessa, and thank you for sharing so much of yourself. Happy Sunday! XO ~Liz

    Reply
  3. Meredith from A Mother Seeking says

    October 2, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    This is the first time I have read one of your posts on this topic. I usually stop by for the crafts! But this was an unexpected and wonderful surprise.

    BTW, I too have combined my journey with my crafting on my blog and I think, why limit ourselves?!

    I love what you have written here. It is true that in such times, we learn so very much about ourselves, if we are open to it.

    I so appreciate your honesty- ” I was slowly seeing sides of myself that I had never seen before.
    The layers of my heart were being peeled back one by one and, to be honest, what was revealed to me wasn’t too pretty!” Too often we hear about the difficult times, with some tenacity and thought, turning into revelations and happier thoughts and moments- a happier future. But it is indeed a process and you capture that so beautifully. And along the way, it’s not always pretty! Too few people talk about that part!

    Thank you for sharing!

    ~ Meredith From A Mother Seeking Come find me on my blog, A Mother Seeking…

    Reply
  4. Myric says

    October 2, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    I believe God can turn pain into something beautiful.
    Being away from home, leaving everything and starting a life all over again is a trial. Sometimes I felt worthless and can’t do what I am I supposed to do. I am still struggling to discover my worth and my discovering my capabilities are.
    Reading the Word of God is very comforting in ways I cannot explain.

    Reply
  5. Catie @ Catie's Corner says

    October 2, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    Wow, very well written Vanessa. This is the first post in this series that I’ve read. I had no idea your children were adopted. That definitely would have been the road I would have taken, had things been different for me. And even to this day I think if we actually won the lottery, like my hubby is always hoping for, I would adopt. Your kids are your kids, are your kids! It doesn’t matter how they ended up being a part of your life, they just are.

    I love my 13 year old stepdaughter every bit as much as my 5 year old biological daughter. I came into her life when she was only 20 months old and easily took on a mother role with her. She has her mom, but she knows I’m always here for her if she needs me, which has already happened a time or two. I cry at all her big milestones; school performances, 6th grade grad, etc. Her bio-mm doesn’t even do that. Although I should admit I cry at commercials and while reading cards in Hallmark. lol

    Anyway, children need all the love and support they can get and it doesn’t matter if we gave birth to them or not. Love is love!

    Great post!! I almost wrote sweetie! Guess after the last few months of chatting back and forth I feel like I know you. : )

    ~ Catie

    Reply
  6. https://findingsecrettreasures.blogspot.com says

    October 2, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    Beautifully written, really makes me think…
    Lorrie

    Reply
  7. Judy says

    October 2, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    Very well written. You have a way of writing that I find myself hanging on your every word. Your posts have me really think and feel. I always look forward to being moved emotionally and spiritually by you and your sister on Sundays.

    Reply
  8. Cindy says

    October 2, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    Beautiful post Vanessa. Adoption vs live birth, divorce vs the family staying in tact, teenager giving life rather than abortion…each family is different from the other. Each has hurt, disappointment and blessing. It is through the “valley” that God reveals the good, bad and ugly we hold within ourselves. During trials we have the choice to turn away from God or let God grow us into who he desires us to be. When we choose Him, we are grown into better people who have so much to offer others. During this time we also grow closer to Him and realize even more just how amazing God is and how much he loves us. The Bible says as His children we are adopted into God’s family…I am so happy to be adopted, aren’t you! WHAT A BLESSING!!!
    You are such an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your heart and letting us share ours!
    Blessings,
    Cindy

    Reply
  9. Ivy and Elephants says

    October 3, 2011 at 12:02 AM

    Wow Vanessa,
    Isn’t it amazing when God chooses you to share His message with others? You were so brave and blessed at the same time to show how human you are. Peeling back the layers is all apart of growing up physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Time to celebrate His grace. Go dance girl…you deserve it.

    Paula

    Reply
  10. Shannon says

    October 3, 2011 at 12:44 AM

    Vanessa…every time I stop by your blog…I am amazed! I usually visit you via my newest blog…Grapevine Wreath, but my first blog which I have been writing on for five years is…He Won My heart. Anyways, I too love the Lord with all my heart and currently I am doing a Bible study on James. And yes we all want the hugs and cracker jacks, but God…he is so much deeper…the depth of which we will never understand this side of heaven. But pride…hard thing to break when most of us don’t see it in ourselves (including myself). But God loves us anyways because of the blood of Jesus Christ shed for you…shed for me! He is our amazing Jesus…the Prince of Peace! I am so gald you shared this with all of your audience! Please visit my other blog…my latest post is also about James and how God is working some pride out of me as well!

    Reply
  11. Sonya@Beyond the Screen Door says

    October 3, 2011 at 1:25 AM

    I think I’ve said this before but Vanessa, you have a gift for writing. I’ve enjoyed each one of the Labor of the Heart series. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.

    Reply
  12. Marianne says

    October 3, 2011 at 1:36 AM

    Just beautiful Vanessa. I just wish I could put into words what I went through with infertility and adoption. You have such a gift and we are grateful that you’re willing to share it. I too didn’t like what I was seeing of myself when all of the layers of my heart were being peeled away. I never thought I could have such pain and anger in me. God knew what he wanted for us and I guess we just had to work a bit harder for it. I can say that it has made me a much stronger and accepting person. Not much in life phases me anymore, I try not to sweat the small stuff.

    Nicholas is a clone of my husband and Matthew looks just like his birthmom. I some days wonder what it would be like to have a mini me but can’t imagine not having these two wonderful and loving boys in my life and can say with all of my heart that I love both of them the same. It doesn’t matter who gives birth to your children, once you hold them in your arms, you fall in love and they are yours.

    Marianne 🙂

    Reply
  13. Susan (My Place to Yours) says

    October 3, 2011 at 1:38 AM

    “I felt God’s presence like never before … but then that love took me down a different road.” Oh, yes, Vanessa. I know exactly what you mean. I know how it feels for God to cry with me when I hurt, doctor my skinned knees — then require me to look at the rest of my ailments …. the ones inside that no one else can see … the ones that need to be healed so He can nudge me to walk down yet another road. A road of deeper trust and quicker obedience. Thank goodness our Creator loves us enough to let us to walk with us through those difficult times so we can (first) become more like Him and (second) be more compassionate towards a hurting world around us. Bless you for sharing this. I look forward to the continuation.

    Reply
  14. Debbie says

    October 3, 2011 at 11:54 AM

    Just beautiful, Vanessa. This is one of those pieces that I feel with great certainty was inspired by and written by the hand of God. You might have tapped it out on the keyboard, but He was the author.

    Well done, good and faithful servant…

    The answer to your question is YES, I have. I have had it happen to me several noteworthy times, but the main one is in dealing with my fibro. The pathetic part of it is that since fibro is a chronic thing, I guess that particular issue is spiritually chronic. He’s still working on me. My puzzle is a hot mess.

    Reply
  15. Shelia says

    October 3, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    Hi Vanessa. This is so beautiful and you have really written your feelings down to draw us into your heart! I know this probably isn’t easy but I appreciate you sharing your journey. Praise God for you.
    Blessings,
    Shelia 😉

    Reply
  16. Richella says

    October 4, 2011 at 2:42 AM

    Vanessa, I so appreciate your sharing your heart in this way. I like your puzzle analogy. When you stop to think about it, one piece of a puzzle is not necessarily very attractive–and it certainly doesn’t provide a whole picture. But every piece is necessary to complete the picture. I am grateful that you are able to see your times of trial as essential parts of the puzzle. Thank you for courageously sharing all parts of your story–not just the “warm fuzzy” parts, but all of it.

    And oh! Pride?! That’s where we go next, is it? Are we not so grateful that God’s grace can conquer all? And He lavishes it on us!!

    Reply
  17. Good Time Charlie says

    June 24, 2012 at 11:22 PM

    I have always believed that one of the most painful things a woman can go through in this life is to not be able to have a baby of her own when everything else is right, marriage, family, Godly desire to start a family. I am so impressed at how you took such a horribly painful part of your life and truly looked at what the Lord was trying to teach you, how HE could use you as a tool for good in this world, and how you could be changed into an even better version of Vanessa for following this path.

    In answer to your question, I did have a period of time where I felt God’s love as I had never felt before. I learned during this time in my life as awful as it was, that it is possible for a human heart to feel so much pain and grief that as I was going through (I would pause and just be astonished that I could feel so much pain and still be alive to cry about it). My brother had taken his life, and my baby had died, all within 5 months of each other, one week after I had had to deliver “still born”, I had a pulmonary embolism, before I got to the hospital, and they discovered what had happened to me, I felt like I was standing half in heaven, and half on earth. I was given a chance to leave, or to stay. I knew something was wrong with me, but I waited and waited to call, I couldn’t stand the thought of dealing with a doctor again, but I knew somewhere in my heart, this was a matter of life and death and my family had experienced enough pain. After I returned from the hospital and was being treated, it was during these moments, that I prayed harder than I have ever prayed in my life. Pleadin with the Lord to take even a piece of my grief away. During these moments, I experienced the most astonishing and beautiful thing. Here I was in the depths of despair with a heart so broken into a million pieces that I thought it could never be healed. I felt, to use an overused word, “traumatized”. When I thought I couldn’t take it for a moment longer, I was suddenly overcome with the most powerful force of love I have ever felt. I felt the same amount of love from My Father in Heaven as I was feeling my grief and sorrow. It was in these moments that I truly learned, I am NEVER truly alone here, and no matter how horrible and hard this life can be, it can be even more beautiful and filled with love than we could ever comprehend. I look at these moments as one of my greatest gifts. Not everyone will have the opportunity to be broken open like this and be filled with God’s love in return. Not everyone will need to be. I knew this experience had strengthened me to be better able to love all whom I came in contact with. This experience made me stronger than I ever imagined I could be. It eradicated all fear within me because I knew the Lord would always be with me.

    Pain, and sorrow are gifts from a Loving God. They refine us, they strip away parts of that are not needed. I don’t live up to this gift every day as I should, but I try. I have so much life left to live and so much love left to share. Hopefully I am serving the Lord as He has asked me to do. I certainly do not take joy or my family for granted. I do know, more than my mind comprehend what a gift a good husband is, what a gift my children are, and what a gift it is to be here on this earth, for the time I am here. Thank you again for sharing your gifts. Much love to you. -K

    Reply

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I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consumin I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consuming seasonal decorating. When I think back on the years where I would feel all of the pressure to come up with something fresh and creative I’m seriously embarrassed. Truly. Because it was such a waste. A waste of my time, my energy, my resources. Something clicked with me a few years ago. I was just done. I needed to simplify. I needed to not spend an obscene amount of time looking at fireplace mantels on Pinterest and trying to figure out how to make mine look amazing. I needed to put it all in the proper place in my heart and my mind. Which meant, it had to go waaaaayyyy down on the priority list. So far down it almost wasn’t on it. And I needed to confess to the Lord that I had allowed it to become an idol. 

Yes, I want to have a home that I enjoy. Yes, I love pretty things. But something really amazing happened when I finally released it all. When I decided to not give into the pressure and panic I would feel when I would scroll through my Instagram feed. When I just laid it all down and said…enough. There was this incredible irony in it. Because, the less time I took to decorate my home for each season, the more I found myself loving the results. I think that all along I had just been getting in my own way. It’s really taken a lot of time and prayer for me to finally be at a place where even though I still struggle with insecurities and I still have doubts from time to time, I’m becoming increasingly more confident in who God created me to be. And, just like my home, I’m finding that as I relax into myself, letting go of the comparisons and the pressure, the more I can actually lean into the calling He has placed on my life. 🍂

Leave a comment if you can relate! 

#wearethehomemakers #homemaking
“As the alluring song of September begins to whi “As the alluring song of September begins to whisper in my ear, my passionate spirit yearns for the splendor of its promise.” (Peggy Toney Horton)

Happy September dear friends! While I’m not quite ready to let go of summer and I plan to make the most out of the lingering, warm days, I’ll admit to starting to think about my fall decor this year. And one way to get inspired is to take a look back at previous years. Here’s just a glimpse at some of the ways I’ve welcomed Autumn to my home! 🍂

#september #falldecorating #falldecor #falldecoratingideas #wearethehomemakers
Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning the corner and getting closer to fall but I’m not quite ready to let summer go. So I’ll just be over here continuing to whip up some super simple summer meals for my family that frankly can be enjoyed in any season. These shrimp rolls I made the other night were definitely a hit and would be great for any of your upcoming holiday weekend gatherings!

Shrimp Rolls 🍤

Ingredients
1-2 lbs of shrimp that is peeled, deveined and tail off (If using frozen make sure it’s thawed completely)
1/3 cup mayonnaise 
1/2 of a lemon
2 Tbsps chopped scallions
1 Tbsp chopped dill
1 Tbsp chopped Italian parsley
1 Tsp of Old Bay seasoning (more if you like!)
pinch of sea salt and pinch of black pepper
Hoagie Rolls
Softened butter

Directions: Gently pat the shrimp with a paper towel to remove any excess moisture. Roughly chop the shrimp and place in a bowl. Add mayonnaise, squeeze half of lemon and stir to combine before adding in the scallions, dill and parsley. Stir to combine and then add the additional seasonings. Spread butter on hoagie rolls and toast in the oven until lightly browned. Pile on the shrimp mixture and enjoy! 

#shrimproll #foodie #weeknightdinner #easydinner #seafoodlover
Today has been a very Monday-ish kind of Monday. W Today has been a very Monday-ish kind of Monday. We woke up to the sound of chainsaws and rushed downstairs to find that our backyard neighbors were having two of the huge trees that line our shared fence removed. These trees have been here longer than the neighborhood and no, they weren't dead or causing damage to roofs, foundations, etc. They were beautiful and gave us wonderful privacy. We had no notice of this happening so this came as quite a shock. Because we were given no notice, we didn't have the chance to cover our outdoor furniture or plants and everything is now coated in a thick layer of sawdust including the fresh bark we recently put in the garden beds. And now our lovely privacy is gone, replaced by a direct view of an above ground pool and RV. I know, I know, it's totally a first world, privileged kind of problem to have. But, now we have to spend thousands of dollars on plants to try and recapture some semblance of privacy. Now we have days worth of clean up to do after we had JUST done a massive freshening up of our backyard. My overarching feeling has just been weariness at the way our world is today.

I think about how often we try to do right by people, to be respectful and courteous. To be thoughtful and considerate. And it’s not reciprocated. How its starting to seem more and more like people have just given up on those seemingly small niceties. And my soul just feels heavy. Because I feel like so much of what used to be common courtesy is not so common anymore. Drivers on the roads are angrier and more reckless than ever before. Red lights being run are an everyday occurrence around town. On our recent family vacation, I heard more people using the F word out in public than ever before even while around children. Where are manners? Where is kindness? I'm finding myself being surprised when someone is thoughtful because it seems like a rarity. And that's just all on a micro, local level. Don't even get me started on the insanity in our world/culture. After I returned from grocery shopping (which can also be soul crushing), I found myself desperate for a reminder of the truth. 

*Part 2 continued in the comments.*
How often is it in our lives that we don’t fully How often is it in our lives that we don’t fully grasp our strengths or our weaknesses until we are put to the test? Little did I know how much I would love my role as a wife, mother and homemaker until I became one. And that in my endeavor to do those roles to the best of my ability, it would bring to the forefront gifts and talents and blessings that I use outside of these walls.

As I water others, I’m watered too because it brings such joy to care for those around me. But it can also make me see more clearly the areas in which I’m lacking and be a very humbling reminder of how much I still need to grow and learn.

Proverbs 11:25 says, “Whoever brings blessing will be enriched and one who waters will himself be watered.”

Have you done any ‘watering’ of others this week? How has it blessed and ‘watered’ you in return?
“Mom, this is one of my favorite meals that you “Mom, this is one of my favorite meals that you make.” Statements like this from my kids fill me with so much joy and such a sense of assurance that my role as the maker of this home is one that makes an impact on them in both big and small ways. It’s not just sheet pan shrimp boil. 

It’s nourishment
It’s time together around the table
It’s laughing as we try to get the butter sauce out of the pan
It’s a memory
It’s an imprint on their lives 

The ordinary act of making a meal becomes EXTRAordinary. And I try to keep that in mind as I do this task day in and day out, year after year. 

***

Ingredients: 
1 pound baby red or yellow potatoes
Green beans or corn (4 ears cut in half) whichever you prefer
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon Old Bay seasoning
1/2 tsp coarse sea salt and pinch of black pepper 
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 (12.8-ounce) package smoked andouille sausage, thinly sliced
Crusty bread for dipping 

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly oil a baking sheet or coat with nonstick spray. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook potatoes until just tender, about 10 minutes. Put potatoes, shrimp, sausage and green beans or corn on baking sheet. Pour butter over top. Sprinkle with old bay seasoning and salt and pepper. Mix well to combine. Bake for about 12 minutes or until shrimp is pink. 

#shrimpboil #sheetpandinner #sheetpanmeals #homemaking
Temperatures in the 100’s call for fresh and lig Temperatures in the 100’s call for fresh and light cocktails! My husband is my own built in bartender and he put this together the other night. 

2 jiggers of gin (you could also use vodka) 
*you should do a jig when using a jigger 😉*
Crushed ice 
Grapefruit tonic 
Squirt of lime 
Sprig of mint 

Easy and so refreshing!! ☀️

#cocktails #summercocktails
There is something magical about the late summer e There is something magical about the late summer evenings. Maybe it’s because we have a greater sense of the fact that these long days are slowly shortening and we want to savor them as much as we can. I know I intend to do just that. 

I hope you’re having a wonderful August so far dear friends!
Variations of this recipe are on repeat at our hou Variations of this recipe are on repeat at our house all summer long. We’re big on the ‘build your own’ method of making dinner especially on very hot days. Simplicity for the win! 
#recipes #easydinner #easydinnerideas #homemaking
In music, rhythm is a regular repetition or a grou In music, rhythm is a regular repetition or a grouping of beats. No matter what else a piece of music has in terms of its pitch or tone, the rhythm never changes. Its the stabilizing force and brings order to a composition that would be completely chaotic without it.

The same can be said of rhythms in our lives and in our homes. When everything else feels out of control, rhythms and patterns provide us with stability and something that we can rely upon to give us a sense of security in a very insecure world. But, too often, we associate the rhythmic things we do in our lives as merely tasks to be gotten through rather than gifts which provide much-needed balance.

Whether it’s making the coffee every night before we go to bed or doing my devotional in the morning before the rest of the house wakes up or watering my garden, these simple tasks provide a rhythm to my day that is truly grounding. 

What’s something that you do that you would classify as a rhythm or pattern in your week?
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