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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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July 11, 2011

A Labor of the Heart Part Five-There’s Good News & There’s Bad News…

~This Simply Sunday Post continues the story of my journey through infertility and
the adoption of our 2 precious children.
Previous entries can be read in our Labor of the Heart Series.~

Here’s the Good News about PAIN.
Once you’ve experienced it, you will never be the same again.
Here’s the Bad News about PAIN.
Once you’ve experienced it, you will never be the same again.
Stay with me here.
You see, my pain is not unique. Many, many couples struggle with infertility and the feelings of loss and grief that come with it.
While our particular situation may be unique, the pain experience is not.
In fact, if you haven’t had some kind of trauma in your life yet, you most certainly will at some point. That is just the reality of our time here on this Earth.
It is even spelled out for us in John 16:33 “…In this world you will have trouble.”
Doesn’t really get any clearer than that, does it?
I feel as though my life has been divided into 2 parts. The first half was spent fairly trouble-free. There were minor issues here and there but nothing overly traumatic.
The second half (which is still unfolding even as I write these words!)
began the moment I realized I would never have biological children.
I became a different person.
I felt foreign, even to myself.
The “me” prior to that moment, began a long and arduous battle with the “me” I was to become.
Why was it long and arduous? Why would I even call it a battle to begin with?
Well, simply because I was wrestling with my former self.
My former self strived for perfection.
My former self didn’t want to stick out.
My former self was full of pride.
And, let’s be honest, I still struggle with all of these things in my life! Ugh.
But, in this half of my life, I have evidence of how God took that former self and humbled her.
How she was broken down and built back up.
How He didn’t just hand me the “desires of my heart” on a silver platter, but He pointed me towards His desires for me.
BIG DIFFERENCE!

And for me, the only way to align MY desires with HIS desires was to deal with those issues that were keeping me from seeing just how incredible His plan might end up being.

In my early stages of grief, I was talking about this issue with my sister Heather, and how I felt like I was walking through a fog most of the time.
Never knowing when I was going to run straight into a brick wall or
something was going to pop out at me and knock me down.
She told me that she saw this season in my life like a Tapestry.
The only part of the Tapestry I could see was the backside.
Where it was full of knots and threads and you couldn’t get any idea of what was on the front.
But the front was the side God saw!
He saw that all of those knots and threads came together to form a beautiful image.
(Isn’t she a great big sister?)
The harsh reality is, we aren’t really supposed to see the front of the Tapestry
while we are in that season of pain or grief or trauma.

We have another “job”.
And initially to me, it felt like it was just adding insult to injury.
Because, how I approached this “job” of mine was going to dictate whether the news for me was
“Good News” or “Bad News”.
And either way, I was never going to be the same again!
~To Be Continued~
Oh, and by the way, do you want to know what the rest of vs. 33 says in John 16?
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have PEACE. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


Thank you for joining me for this Simply Sunday Post,

Linking this post to:
Imparting Grace: Grace Imparted Party

22 Comments Filed Under: A Labor of the Heart, Devotionals, Good Thoughts, Simply Sundays

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Comments

  1. Val says

    July 10, 2011 at 4:00 PM

    Your posts always touch my heart and I wish we lived closer so we could have coffee time and talk, talk, talk!!!! Hugs.

    Reply
  2. NanaDiana says

    July 10, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    I agree-once you have had a life-altering experience you are never the same. I have found that either people grow from it~becoming kinder and more understanding OR they let bitterness root in their heart. I’d say you have overcome the adversities that life sent you way..and have become a stronger, braver person. Thank you for sharing YOU here! God bless you..He already has! xo Diana

    Reply
  3. Pam says

    July 10, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    Wow. Great post. I’m looking forward to the continuation.

    Take care,
    Pam

    Reply
  4. Carol says

    July 10, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    Thanks Vanessa. Your post warmed my heart.

    Love you,

    Mom

    Reply
  5. Joellen from Concorded Lives says

    July 10, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    That post and passage were exactly what I needed today. Amazing

    Reply
  6. Ann from On Sutton Place says

    July 10, 2011 at 10:13 PM

    God works in mysterious ways. It is evident in everyone’s life every day. I personally have a difficult time with this concept…if God is good, why does he let us hurt? But I believe he has a plan. He has a plan for you and at the right time he will show you. The hard part is waiting and not knowing. I truly believe that what is meant to be will happen. We have control of our destiny but only to a certain point. It’s in God’s hands. Trust he will do the right thing.

    Reply
  7. mindy starr cone says

    July 10, 2011 at 10:15 PM

    beautifully said. brought tears to my eyes. thank you for sharing this journey with us. you are an inspiration!

    Reply
  8. Bethany says

    July 10, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    Beautiful post! Really touched my heart!

    Reply
  9. Shelia says

    July 10, 2011 at 11:27 PM

    Oh, Vanessa! I too appreciate you sharing your journey with us. I know it must be so hard, but darling, you know who’s is holding your little hand and He will be with you all the way! Saying a prayer now!
    Blessings,
    Shelia 😉

    Reply
  10. Marianne says

    July 11, 2011 at 1:54 AM

    Oh, I wish I could give you a big hug. Even though I don’t ever wish anyone to go through the entire infertility “nightmare”, I do feel good when I find others that can understand what it is like. I know that when I was going through it I felt like I was the only person in the world who couldn’t have kids. But like everyone told me, God has a special plan for all of us even thought I couldn’t quite understand it that at the time. If I didn’t go though what I did we wouldn’t have my beautiful boys, even though some days i want to kill them..ha, ha. I think that it’s wonderful that you are able to talk about it. It’s gotten easier for me as time has gone on and sometimes I even laugh about all we had to endure. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!
    Marianne 🙂

    Reply
  11. Dayle says

    July 11, 2011 at 3:12 AM

    God bless you, Vanessa. As the mother of an adopted daughter, I can relate. There’s no pain like the pain of infertility, and no joy like the joy of adoption. You just have to experience it to understand. My daughter is grown and married now. Through the years, I’ve written about my experience here and there, but the full story will appear in an upcoming Chicken Soup title (Answered Prayers), due out in October. I still get goosebumps every time I think about the miracle of my child.

    Reply
  12. Christy says

    July 11, 2011 at 3:24 AM

    V-
    You are such a blessing!! Thank you for sharing your heart.
    I love you friend!!
    Christy 🙂

    Reply
  13. Jedbel @ The Pear Tree Cottage says

    July 11, 2011 at 6:27 AM

    Vanessa,
    Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us today. Your words brought to mind the promise found in Romans 8:28. At times it is hard to believe in the midst of such pain that our Lord is working for our good, yet today you have testified that it is so and that has strengthened me. What a God exalting post this is. I personally have been deeply touched by it.

    Reply
  14. Sarah @ Modern Country Style says

    July 11, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    Vanessa,

    I don’t know how you find the inner strength to write these incredibly vulnerable posts but I am certain that they will bring hope and comfort to many others.

    You are amazing. xxxx

    Sarahx

    Reply
  15. Ivy and Elephants says

    July 11, 2011 at 11:18 AM

    Oh Vanessa I knew we were kindred spirits. You and I share the same story. My son Sebastian, that you featured on your blog a few weeks ago, was the gift that God sent me. I hope in all of this you also realize, as I had, that sharing the word about adoption is a ministry in and of itself. Every single day, I thank God for sending me my wonderful son. The pain of finding out that I was unable to get pregnant stays with me but it is now manifested in the form of what I now know is joy. I am looking forward to the rest of the story. I LOVE happy endings. Thank you for sharing your story with the world! May God continue to bless you and your family.

    And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.
    Matthew 18:5

    Paula

    Reply
  16. Tanya@takesix says

    July 11, 2011 at 1:57 PM

    We also share the same heart breaking story, Vanessa. I am so excited to see how God is going to working HIS plan out in YOUR life. I know you are too. After many unsuccessful pregnancies, two ectopic pregnancies that took my tubes, and failed IVF, my hubby and I were blessed by our heavenly father to be able to adopt 3 fabulous children over the years. We have always told our children that they were conceived for us…that is truly what we believe. Bless you for sharing your story, and for claiming victory over this part of your life that is so disappointing, and hard to truly understand!! Hallelujah HE is in control and wants what is best for us. There is no greater place to be than smack dab in the middle of his perfect plan! XO

    Reply
  17. Pamela says

    July 11, 2011 at 4:23 PM

    What a great idea! How do you ever find all the time!?

    Reply
  18. Christie says

    July 11, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    Vanessa, I think you should write a book of encouragement on this very issue. Infertility touches so many women and the fact that you have trusted the Lord and ‘walked through the Red Sea’ would encourage so many!! I am passing this on to friends and family that have struggled with the ‘why’ and my prayer is they will feel the sweet encouragement of the Holy Spirit talking through you! You and Heather both have the gift of writing and sharing so beautifully to where the reader can ‘feel’ what you are saying!! A gift I tell ya’! I miss you and am so sorry I have been the worst blogger and blogger friend! Summer certainly took a ‘busy’ turn as the idea of lazy summer days was only in MY mind!!! Love to you! Christie

    Reply
  19. Becca says

    July 11, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    What a beautiful post, Vanessa. You know I can relate all too well to every single aspect of your words. You tell “your story” so eloquently … I love it and love that you allow us to see and “feel” your raw emotions. Thank you, friend. xoxo

    Reply
  20. Leslie says

    July 12, 2011 at 1:53 AM

    Speechless.

    Reply
  21. Sonya@Beyond the Screen Door says

    July 13, 2011 at 4:24 AM

    Beautifully written, Vanessa. Today I heard the song Blessings by Laura Story for the first time. “What if your blesings come through raindrops. What if your healing comes through tears?” Such a powerful song. Your post made me think of it again. God’s answers are often not what we would have originally chosen but oh, they are so much better. Something we all need to be reminded of.

    Reply
  22. Richella says

    July 18, 2011 at 3:50 PM

    Oh, yes! He has overcome the world! And He is still overcoming, still walking alongside us as we wrestle with all the things that need to be overcome. Isn’t it amazing how He will change our hearts if we will let Him?? So often we treat Him as if He were a fairy godmother, and we pout if we don’t get our wishes granted. But you’ve obviously learned to let Him be the Lord who will work all things together for good, even if you don’t get your “wishes” granted. I appreciate your message of good news. I know that you’ve really had to suffer as you’ve learned the lessons you pass along here, and I am inspired to see that you’re able to pass along these lessons with a smile on your face and a song in your heart, grateful for the way God has imparted grace to you. Thank you!!

    Reply

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This is one of my most favorite projects from my b This is one of my most favorite projects from my book Life in Season! 

Because, if heaven has a fragrance, I’m fairly certain it smells like lilacs.

I think that somewhere along the way the verse in the Bible that said, ‘heaven will smell like lilacs’ just got lost in translation. But it HAD to have been in there at some point, right?

When I bury my head in the blossoms (which I absolutely MUST do every single time I walk past them), I immediately feel a stirring in my soul.

It seems like I wait forever for my lilac tree to bloom. Every year I anxiously watch as the buds begin to form on the branches and then when the blossoms finally burst forth I begin that agonizing process of deciding the absolute perfect moment to snip them and bring them inside.

And then, after all of that waiting and watching it’s just over…done. Because, unlike heaven, lilacs don’t last for an eternity. So, making my own lilac room spray seemed like the perfect way to enjoy their fragrance long after the blossoms have faded.

Here’s how to make it! Ingredients: Water, Vodka, Lilac fragrance oil. Directions: Fill spray bottle with 50/50 ratio of water to vodka. Add 12 drops of lilac oil. Give it a shake, spray and if the scent isn’t strong enough, simply add a few more drops of lilac oil.

Once you’ve made this lilac scented room spray you will be very tempted to spray it in every room in your house. And someone may want to use it in the bathroom to cover up other less…ummmm….pleasing aromas.

But, do not, I repeat do NOT, let them.

You’ve captured the fragrance of heaven in a bottle and you wouldn’t want to go and tarnish it now would you? 😉
We had two back to back days of sunshine (the most We had two back to back days of sunshine (the most we’ve had in a LONG time) and now we are back to pouring rain. This has officially confirmed what I’ve know to be true for awhile now.

I’m a MUCH better version of myself when the sun is shining! 🤪 So I’ll just be over here today plotting and planning how my husband and I can be snowbirds someday when the kids are out of the house.

If you could spend your winters (and apparently most of spring too!) in any part of the country, where would it be?
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Two of our bathrooms are also in need of major makeovers. And we’ve saved up enough money over the years to tackle those projects. But, for the most part, we made the decision to use the bulk of that money in another way. While we knew that it was financially wise to invest in our house, we also knew that the greatest investment we could make was in our children. 

I’ll admit, there are times where I see other people doing massive overhauls of their entire home in a matter of months and I feel a prick of envy. But, we decided that if our choice was between waiting a bit longer to enjoy a renovated bathroom or going on adventures as a family, we would choose adventures every time. And we don’t regret that decision for a single second. It’s not that we haven’t tackled home projects (we’ve done a lot!). It’s just that it’s been a slow and steady process. 

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What’s the weather like where you are?
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Happy Easter! He is risen indeed!
Who has believed our message? And to whom has the Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

For he grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of parched ground; he has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon him, nor appearance that we should be attracted to him.

He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and like one from whom men hide their face, he was despised, and we did not esteem him. Surely our griefs he himself bore, and our sorrows he carried; yet we ourselves esteemed him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 

But he was pierced through for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon him, and by his scourging we are healed.

All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on him. (Isaiah 53)
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Isn't it amazing how small gestures can make us feel less invisible? Knowing that someone is thinking of us and takes the time to meet a need that we might not have even realized we had? These little acts can have big impacts. What is something that someone has done for you recently that made you feel valued and seen?

What have you done for someone else to remind them that you are paying attention to their needs?

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”
― Charles Dickens
“The next day the large crowd that had come to t “The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, ‘Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!’ – John 12:9-19
#palmsunday
When the Lord blesses you with a glimpse of the pa When the Lord blesses you with a glimpse of the payoff of your investment in your children, it is truly one of the greatest gifts. We had that experience twice this week with our 18 year old son and were overwhelmed by this opportunity we had to watch as he handled two very different situations (one personal and one professional) with grace, maturity, integrity and courage. Those of you mamas of little ones, don't ever minimize the job you are doing in raising this next generation. 

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Every difficult conversation
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The final pieces of the puzzle of his childhood are falling into place and the picture revealed is one that is more wonderful than we could have imagined. And we know that it is only by God's grace on us as we sought His wisdom and guidance that we have come to this point. We have been FAR from perfect parents, but one of my most sincere prayers for the past 18 years was that the Lord would stand in the gaps that were surely to be revealed by our imperfections. And He has answered those prayers again and again. He's taken my humble petitions and most sincere intentions and knocked our socks off with the young man we are so privileged to call our son. And we can’t wait to watch as his future unfolds!
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