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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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May 7, 2015

Build Up Sweet Friends, Build Up

Pursuing your dreams can be a funny thing.

It brings up so many different emotions. We’re putting ourselves out there. Setting goals, taking risks, praying, hoping, willing those dreams to come true.

And often what happens as we lay ourselves bare in the pursuit of our dreams is that suddenly we’ve created extra space for insecurity to seep in. As if we all needed more of that right?

a candle loses nothing

Recently I was deeply impacted by someone else’s insecurity. By their inability to ‘light my candle’.

It was such a very obvious slight. There was no getting around the fact that they intended to keep me down.

I’ve talked a lot lately about what happens when you’re insecurity meets my insecurity.

This time though, instead of allowing their insecurity to have power over me I did something completely counter-intuitive.

Sure, I felt hurt. I was confused and there was even a fleeting moment of anger.

But really, I just felt sad. So very sad.

For them.

Because, can you imagine what it must feel like to walk around knowing that you intentionally tried to stifle someone’s dream? That your insecurity, your inability to build up another person might hinder their success?

I think it must feel just awful.

roses and snowballs

And I could have let this situation have power over me. I could have let their insecurity meet my insecurity and wreak havoc.

But I didn’t. And friends, the only reason I was able to extend grace and forgiveness (even though this person hasn’t asked for it!) is because my Heavenly Father extends grace and mercy and forgiveness to me time and time again and He has done a mighty work in my heart to get me to this place on my faith journey.

I guess I’m writing this to you as a challenge.

My challenge to you is to build up.

Because there is room for EVERYONE to pursue their dreams! We should celebrate, encourage and come alongside each other.

I know the joy having some of my dreams coming true and I want nothing more than for others to get to experience that too.

But in the pursuit of those dreams we have to be all the more aware of how we can get in our own way. How we run the risk of our fears and insecurity not only hurting ourselves but also hurting others.

You know how they say that when you are feeling really down, forcing yourself to smile actually makes you feel better inside?

Well, I think the same is true when it comes to building others up.

Are you tempted to not say ‘congratulations’ because that person is getting an opportunity you really wanted?

Do it anyway.

Is it hard to pay that compliment because that person never gives them to you?

Do it anyway.

Do you have the opportunity to help someone along in the pursuit of their dreams but you are afraid that they’ll pass you by?

Do it anyway.

Because while it’s a guarantee that you will regret NOT helping, I promise that you will never regret helping.

So build up, sweet friends, build up!

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16 Comments Filed Under: Devotionals

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Comments

  1. Hope Williams says

    May 7, 2015 at 3:02 AM

    Forgiveness is absolute. For the one giving it. It frees us up to use that extra space for something good. When you give of yourself to build others up, suddenly your strengths are stronger!
    And it is so much easier to build someone up. It’s takes so much more effort, daring effort to bring someone else down.
    We are here to be kind, love, forgive and help. This falls under every one of those.
    Congrats on rising to your challenge!

    Reply
  2. Kim says

    May 7, 2015 at 3:31 AM

    Very true and very inspiring. Thank you!

    Reply
  3. Susan says

    May 7, 2015 at 4:14 AM

    What beautiful and powerful words and God is so good – I really needed to read this this morning before I meet with a co-worker who seems to be working against the good of the department = I typically do not have time to read my blogs in the mooring but out schedule has changed this week and I have a few extra minutes to read a blog or two – this is God – He knew I needed to read this works before heading off for the meeting. Thank you for saying yes to God in writing these words, I have a feeling many will benefit from them today! I am taking you up on your challenge! Blessings

    Reply
  4. Peg says

    May 7, 2015 at 4:44 AM

    You said that “this person doesn’t know that I know what I know”
    which makes me think you heard something from someone else.
    Please be very careful and make sure comments weren’t taken
    out of context. I also think the person repeating this information
    to you may be blowing on your candle, just a little.

    That being said, forgiveness is always very empowering. : )

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 7, 2015 at 7:12 AM

      Peg you are so right that it is a very dangerous thing when we start believing gossip! This was one of those instances where I was hearing from someone who was completely outside of the relationship and had NO idea that the information they shared showed me how this other person really felt about me. They are someone in an industry that we work with and would have no reason to blow out my candle at all. 🙂 But I completely agree that we have to be very careful when we hear second-hand information that we don’t automatically take it as truth.

      Reply
  5. Shirley@Housepitality Designs says

    May 7, 2015 at 4:50 AM

    Bravo Vanessa!…I was taught that you must encourage others, help them achieve their dreams as much as you want to achieve yours and that truly makes you a better and happier person. To always be happy for someone’s good fortune, for some day it just may be your turn and you would love the same love and support. I try to surround myself with people with the same attitude, because life is too short to be burdened with naysayers and unhappy and sometimes toxic people. Love the quote Vanessa…it says it all!…I am here with my pom poms cheering you on toward your dreams!

    Reply
  6. Cindy Barganier says

    May 7, 2015 at 5:05 AM

    Well said sweet Vanessa. God always honors when we do things His way. Wish we could have another beach talk together. Miss you two!
    xoxo
    Cindy

    Reply
  7. Sue Tait says

    May 7, 2015 at 8:58 AM

    It takes so little effort to encourage someone, I don’t understand people who can’t seem to do that. Just to see the look on their face when you say something positive or kind or uplifting to them is such a treasure. Truly, folks, it is a blessing to YOU to make someone else feel better about ANYthing. Try it and see if I’m wrong~~~
    This is a great article, THANKS!!!

    Reply
  8. Renee @ The Refined Relic says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:15 AM

    You have such a beautiful heart Vanessa. A great message for us all. Thank you for encouraging and inspiring others. Have a blessed day.

    Reply
  9. Michele says

    May 7, 2015 at 10:50 AM

    Well stated: every single time we encourage, support, help – we are making our loving candles glow brighter in the eyes of Heaven. The entire Bible is about forgiveness and turning the other cheek, etc., – Golden Rule, if you will.

    I wish you both the best in every way, truly.

    Reply
  10. Bonnie says

    May 7, 2015 at 4:05 PM

    Great viewpoint and you are absolutely right!!

    Reply
  11. Julie Kimmel says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:05 PM

    Vanessa, what do you do when you are completely willing to admit you may have unknowingly hurt someone and you have ask for forgiveness, but in actuality they are not willing to admit their part or to forgive you? I am embroiled in a family drama that is killing me slowly. People have hurt each other, nasty words were said back and forth but I am the only one asking for forgiveness and I’m completely willing to forgive them. Yet they will not even consider forgiveness. I’d love your take on this, please. I really admire your honesty and share the love of The Lord with you.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 8, 2015 at 5:16 PM

      Oh Julie. First of all, let me just say that I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I can literally feel your pain as I read your words and believe me when I say that I truly get it. My husband and I have talked about this situation often particularly when it comes to sincerely wanting to make peace. And we keep coming back to this passage in scripture, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 Other translations say “Do all that you can to live at peace with everyone.” From what I hear you saying, YOU are doing everything you can to live at peace with them. You are offering sincere apologies (even when you don’t really know what you did wrong), you are asking forgiveness, being willing to extend forgiveness and grace. So you are obeying the scripture. Beyond that, it is up to them to do what THEY can to live at peace with you. I know from experience how incredibly painful it is to live each day with fractured relationships within a family and to try over and over to bring healing. But when the other people aren’t in a place where they have eyes and hearts that are open to acknowledging the full truth of a situation then it is an absolute waste of time to keep trying. Pray for them, pray for healing, pray for the situation and be 100% willing and available when they are ready to reconcile and restore, but beyond that you will have to pray that God will give YOU a sense of peace even when it’s unresolved. It’s super hard! I’ve had many a sleepless night over my fractured relationship. But as long as I know that I am obeying what God is asking of me then that is all that really matters. I can’t control them, I can only control me. I will be praying for your situation and that there will be resolution but also for peace for your heart in the meantime. Blessings to you and thank you so much for sharing your heart with me!! 🙂

      Reply
  12. Ann hubble says

    May 8, 2015 at 3:24 PM

    Bravo! So very well and lovingly stated.

    Reply
  13. Marty Walden says

    May 8, 2015 at 4:05 PM

    You are a precious friend to me, Vanessa. Your sweet spirit and compassion shine through and encourage me to reflect, hang on and trust God. Love you!

    Reply
  14. mysha says

    May 11, 2015 at 1:24 PM

    This is such a great post! Thank you for your inspiring words. Having just recently started a blog I have noticed some people being such downers. It’s nice to see a bright light!:)

    Reply

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Yesterday on the way home from school I had the ra Yesterday on the way home from school I had the radio tuned to my daughter's favorite station and a song that was playing had a line in it that really stood out to me. It made reference to a 'season of the sticks' which I think its safe to say must mean winter. I thought that was such an accurate, albeiet kind of depressing, picture of this time of the year.

While we definitely have more than our fair share of evergreen trees here in Oregon, we also have plenty of trees and bushes that are reduced to sticks during the cold months. But, this morning as I looked out my kitchen window, greedily sipping from my mug of coffee, I marveled at the beauty of the winter sunrise. The sky was all pinks and oranges with frost on the rooftops and a little bit of fog. And, I realized that part of why it was so amazing is because I could see it more clearly through the sticks. The bare branches allowed me a view that I wouldn't be able to see if those same branches were covered in leaves. Being stripped down to almost nothing revealed something magnificent.

We have seasons of the sticks in our lives too, don't we? Times when we feel as though we've been stripped bare and left exposed. It's easy to think that this is a place where all is ugly and dark. And yet, just like the winter sunrise was more visible because of the bare branches, the vulnerability we feel in the winter season of our souls allows us to get a glimpse of beauty that we wouldn't see otherwise. In the lush, warm seasons it's so easy to become comfortable. But in the bare, cold seasons we recognize just how much we need to rely on the One who placed the stars in the heavens and is sovereign over all.

If you feel like your soul has been stripped bare and you've been left exposed and vulnerable, may I encourage you today to ask the Lord to help you to see the beauty in this 'season of the sticks'.

“Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:7
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It's honestly fairly representative of my state of mind these days as I can't seem to make the date on the calendar match the date in my spirit because it feels like it should be January 45th. Every year this month drags on and every year it seems to surprise me for some reason. In addition, my heart just feels heavy as I witness a lot of darkness and sadness around me. So, I'm choosing to control what I can control by making my house feel as cozy as possible, relishing the sunshine whenever it dares to peek through the clouds, gathering inspiration for warmer weather projects and, most importantly, resting in the comfort of the sovereignty of my Father.

“God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’ So that everyone he has made may know his work..." Job 37:5-7
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And I’m choosing gratefulness. 

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Here’s to beginnings. Happy new year friends! May you experience the majesty and sovereignty of the Lord in 2023 like never before! ✨
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