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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

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June 12, 2015

Guilt Is Not a Spiritual Gift

*You may have read this post before. You may not have. But either way I decided to unearth it and publish it again. Because sometimes we just need a reminder, right?*

I have this friend. I’ll call her “Rulie”. If you are apart of our Sunday school class at church and you’ve had a baby (or 4), lost a loved one, been through surgery, moved into a new home, flushed a goldfish down the toilet or experienced any other assorted traumatic life experience and the “bring you a meal” sign-up sheet goes around, you want “Rulie’s” name to be at the top. When she comes to your door you will be handed a meal that has been prepared with all the love and care that could possibly fit inside a covered dish. It will be specific to your family’s eating habits and will most likely include some kind of baked goods. And it will probably be presented to you in a gift bag tied with ribbon. There may even be fresh flowers tucked inside. You will feel like you won the “bring you a meal” lottery. And, frankly, you have! I should know. I’ve been on the receiving end of “Rulie’s” glorious feasts several times.

If, however, my name is second on the “bring you a meal” list, you will be getting a pizza. It may be frozen. Or it may be handed to you by a stranger wearing a colorful delivery uniform. Instead of feeling like you won the “bring you a meal” lottery, you may be wondering why you ever bothered mentioning you had thrown out your back. But, hey, at least I will have taken care of the tip!

Cheese Pizza

Those who know me well might find this confession surprising. You see, I’m a hospitality girl. I love to welcome people into our home, prepare them meals and get to know them better while relaxing around the dinner table. I enjoy cooking and baking and decorating and hostessing. But preparing a meal and driving it across town is a different story. I have wrestled with this for years. When that sign-up sheet is handed to me at church, I can feel the eyes of every woman in the room watching to see if I will scribble my name across the top. It winds it’s way from one table to the next and I can almost feel it taunting me.

“Sign me, Vanessa! You know you’re supposed to. It’s what all good Christian girls do.”

So, I sign it.  And all because of one word.

Guilt.

Because, after all, it’s the hallmark of the Christian woman.

I’m supposed to want to take people meals, right? It should make me feel good to bless them in this way, shouldn’t it? But it doesn’t. Instead, as soon as I’ve scribbled my name on that sign-up sheet I begin to stress out about it. What should I bring? What if they have allergies or they are vegetarians and if they are vegetarians do I just bring them a big pot of beans? What if they don’t like what I would normally prepare for my own family so I’m going to have to make two different meals for the same night? What if it gets cold while I’m driving it across town? What if I don’t time it right and I end up sitting in traffic with my two hungry children who just watched me take a delicious meal to other people and now have to be grateful that I found some goldfish crackers at the bottom of my purse to tide them over until we get home.

 This is usually the point at which the stress and guilt becomes almost unbearable. And this is why you will get a pizza (or maybe a frozen lasagna if I happened to have made it to WalMart that day) if I’m signed up to bring you a meal.

Recently, I was sitting in Sunday School and it was announced that the sign-up sheet would be coming around. As it began weaving it’s way around the room, taunting me, I could feel my heart racing and the anxiety begin to build. It got closer and closer until it came to the woman sitting right next to me. She scribbled her name across the top and handed it to me and I did something I’ve never done before.

I didn’t sign it.

I simply passed it onto the next person. Without making eye-contact, of course. It felt so naughty. And so liberating!

I wanted to stand up and shout, “I’ve been set free!”

You see, I believe that we have all been uniquely equipped by God to love and serve one another.

1 Corinthians 12:4-6 says, “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.”

What if God doesn’t even want me to take people meals? What if, in fact, it displeased him that I was scribbling my name on that sign-up sheet while inside I was feeling guilty and resentful? I know what you are going to say. “We can’t only do the things that are fun for us and make us feel good, right?”. Well, yes and no. There are absolutely times when we must pitch in and help because there is a job to be done. Believe me, I’ve stacked chairs and set up tables and folded bulletins and rocked crying babies in the nursery and wiped runny noses with the best of them. There are things we do simply because we are part of a community. But God, in His infinite wisdom, also gave each of us ‘gifts’ which are so specific to our DNA that they not only allow us to bless others as we serve them, they also bless us in the process. Rather than making us feel depleted and resentful, they fill us up and spur us on to continue to extend ourselves to others.

“Rulie” loves bringing people meals! The fact that they are so artfully and beautifully prepared is really just a bonus. You see, Julie…I mean “Rulie”…is using her gift in all the right ways. As she is lovingly giving them their meal, she is also receiving the blessing that comes when we serve others in the way in which we were uniquely equipped by God.

There is no guilt. No resentment. No frustration and agonizing.

Just love.

But, what if she felt pressured to host the ‘Welcome Reception’ with me each month? What if there was a “Welcome Reception” sign-up sheet that went around and she felt everyone watching to see if she would scribble her name across it. What if my friend who so lovingly prepares meals for people was forced to stand in front of 20-30 people and tell them all about our church and help them connect to our community? Well, because I happen to know “Rulie” very well, I can safely say that she would not like this at all. Hosting a ‘Welcome Reception’ isn’t “Rulie’s” gift. But, it is mine. I love meeting these people each month. I love to welcome them to our church and help them to connect. I’m perfectly comfortable standing in front of a room of 20 or 30 (or more!) people and hopefully making each one feel special and valued.

I love to encourage, support and empathize.

It blesses me and it fills me up.

It’s taken years for me to realize that each time I scribble my name on the “bring you a meal” sign-up sheet, I might not actually be doing what God has called me to do. I might, in fact, be doing the opposite. Because I don’t really think there is room for this kind of guilt in God’s kingdom.

Did you get that?

Guilt is not a spiritual gift.

Guilt is not a spiritual gift quote atthepicketfence.com

God is in the business of freedom! Freedom from being pressured by others to fit into a one-size-fits-all Christian woman’s mold. Freedom from feeling like bringing someone a casserole in a covered dish is about the closest thing to holiness this side of heaven.

I believe that the time I spend stressing and agonizing over bringing someone a meal could be better spent serving them in ways that are unique to my gifting. Now, this isn’t to say that I won’t ever bring you a meal. In fact, just recently one of my dearest friends had major surgery and I happily scribbled my name across that sign-up sheet.

But, well, she got a pizza.

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13 Comments Filed Under: Devotionals Tagged With: devotional, devotions

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Comments

  1. Kim says

    June 12, 2015 at 3:05 AM

    Great post thank you I needed it! Have a great weekend!

    Reply
  2. Joansy says

    June 12, 2015 at 3:40 AM

    Oh, you are so funny and your words are so true! I could feel your joy when you passed the list! After reading this, I would definitely say one of your talents is writing and sharing God’s word in the most delightful way. Thanks for the post, loved it and loved the Bible verse.

    Reply
  3. Hope Williams says

    June 12, 2015 at 4:21 AM

    I have never seen this but I sure am glad I did today. Thank you for reminding me that not everything that is put out there to do, is something I HAVE to do. I am special, my gifts are different from others, and I know what makes me just cringe.
    Thank you so kindly for this.
    Be blessed & Be a Blessing everyone, Hope

    Reply
  4. Teri says

    June 12, 2015 at 5:28 AM

    Amen! And the sorry thing is, many will use that guilt to try to get you to do/join/serve. So not cool.

    Reply
  5. Wendy -Life on the Shady Grove says

    June 12, 2015 at 5:40 AM

    Well said! Looks like you and I are thinking the same way this week! Or that Holy Spirit is trying to set some people free! Read my blog if you haven’t had the chance

    Reply
  6. Cindy Bailey says

    June 12, 2015 at 6:29 AM

    Amen. If we all had the same gifts and passion just think how boring this Earth would be. Do what makes you happy, and others will be happy.
    Guilt is not even in God’s vocabulary.

    Reply
  7. Nikki says

    June 12, 2015 at 7:56 AM

    Thank you. Food for thought!

    Reply
  8. Nancy says

    June 12, 2015 at 1:45 PM

    I’ve had a hard time with this too. I feel guilty that I can’t do a lot of church things that I did when I was younger. It’s hard not to worry about what others think. But our lives do have seasons.

    Reply
  9. Pamela says

    June 12, 2015 at 8:58 PM

    Well said..
    Pam

    Reply
  10. Lauren English says

    June 13, 2015 at 8:01 AM

    This is beautiful. I can totally identify with this in the different ministries I’ve worked with. We each have different gifts, and when we each use our gifts they all fit together and serve other people beautifully. Thanks for this reminder that there is freedom and grace in how we use our gifts to serve!

    Reply
  11. Annabelle says

    June 14, 2015 at 4:50 AM

    Soi where’s the pizza recipe? 🙂

    Reply
  12. Julia says

    June 16, 2015 at 7:15 AM

    Thank you for this reminder that guilt doesn’t come from the Father! I have even sent pizza gift cards instead of a meal 🙂

    Reply
  13. Suzanne says

    November 20, 2016 at 10:39 AM

    Exactly! I’ve struggled with this, too, especially for church potlucks. I also get stressed out, can’t make my food look perfect, feel frustrated if it isn’t gobbled up by everybody. I need to make it easier on myself without the guilt. Not quite sure how to do this though. Maybe I can bring store bought (?) or napkins or something. Glad I I’m not the only one.

    Reply

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Yesterday on the way home from school I had the ra Yesterday on the way home from school I had the radio tuned to my daughter's favorite station and a song that was playing had a line in it that really stood out to me. It made reference to a 'season of the sticks' which I think its safe to say must mean winter. I thought that was such an accurate, albeiet kind of depressing, picture of this time of the year.

While we definitely have more than our fair share of evergreen trees here in Oregon, we also have plenty of trees and bushes that are reduced to sticks during the cold months. But, this morning as I looked out my kitchen window, greedily sipping from my mug of coffee, I marveled at the beauty of the winter sunrise. The sky was all pinks and oranges with frost on the rooftops and a little bit of fog. And, I realized that part of why it was so amazing is because I could see it more clearly through the sticks. The bare branches allowed me a view that I wouldn't be able to see if those same branches were covered in leaves. Being stripped down to almost nothing revealed something magnificent.

We have seasons of the sticks in our lives too, don't we? Times when we feel as though we've been stripped bare and left exposed. It's easy to think that this is a place where all is ugly and dark. And yet, just like the winter sunrise was more visible because of the bare branches, the vulnerability we feel in the winter season of our souls allows us to get a glimpse of beauty that we wouldn't see otherwise. In the lush, warm seasons it's so easy to become comfortable. But in the bare, cold seasons we recognize just how much we need to rely on the One who placed the stars in the heavens and is sovereign over all.

If you feel like your soul has been stripped bare and you've been left exposed and vulnerable, may I encourage you today to ask the Lord to help you to see the beauty in this 'season of the sticks'.

“Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:7
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