Oh man. This raising teens/tweens business is not for the faint of heart. Can I get an amen?
The other night I just felt like I needed to get out of the house for a bit. I thought that it might be best for all parties involved if we took a breather and got some distance. Hubby offered to stay home with the children who I love dearly but who I’m also convinced are trying to make me lose my ever loving mind.
As I backed out of the driveway I realized that my original plan of heading downtown for some retail therapy wasn’t really going to cut it. What I needed to truly calm my spirit was open spaces, fresh air and beautiful scenery.
I turned the car in the other direction and soon found myself driving along winding country roads with the window rolled down and cool air soothing my overheated temper. And as I drove, I prayed for God to give me His word, His guidance, His wisdom.
And do you know what God told me? As clear as day, these words came to my mind.
“Hold on loosely, but don’t let go.”
Yes folks. Apparently God can even use the lyrics from a 38 Special song from 1981 to speak to you if He wants to.
I didn’t really care how He got my attention. Although, let me just say that it’s pretty awesome when you realize that God can use just about anything to speak to you, including random songs from the 80’s.
And, oh how I needed to hear those words.
It was like He was reminding me that these precious kiddos whom I absolutely adore, don’t really belong to me. They are HIS!
Sometimes I’m holding on so tightly because I’m absolutely terrified of messing up on the most important job I’ve ever been given. But God wants me to remember that while He has given me charge of these amazing humans, I’m simply a steward.
I’m to prepare and love and pray over and love and train and love and counsel and love some more. But, ultimately, He holds them in His hands and loves them even more than I do.
So, I can hold on a little more loosely. Not letting go of course!
But remembering that their Heavenly Father (and mine!) is unfolding an incredible story for their lives and I’m simply here to usher them into each new chapter.
Thanks for meeting me at the fence here today,
This word came to me when i needed it most thank u Vanessa
You are so right! Teens take every ounce of parenting skill, such as it is, to maintain a semblance of okayness. Is that even a word? Toddlers are challenging, but you are still in control! Teens push every button and while you are trying to instill goodness, you are gradually loosing control! Love that song, and it is perfect for most teen situations! Hang in there:)
ps our website is not live till hopefully later this week!
Standing in prayer with you. going through some horribly challenging stuff with our 17 year old son. God had the same word for me “let go and let GOD”! so hard to do. i try to meditate on who God is, that he never slumbers nor sleeps, that these are HIS children and that he imparts wisdom in us parents. I have been getting up in the night and laying my hands on our son, pleading the blood of JESUS over him; KEEP PRAYING! GOD IS IN CONTROL!! Blessings and prayers in support of you and yours!!
At least we know we are all in this parenting thing together right Kimberley! I’m so sorry you are going through such a challenging time right now with your son but you are absolutely right that we need to remember that they are HIS children first. Prayers and blessings to you too as you navigate through this season! xoxo
Oh my Dear, I’m a grandmother of six, 4 to 24. These kids have had their times living with us during different situations in their lives. When our two were teens, a friend of mine set my mind in a different direction. She told me God made teens they are so you don’t miss them so much when they leave home…
From that time on, when we would have a confrontation I would smile, give them a hug and let them know that this was part of God’s plan and complimented them for helping me remember I was not in full control.. the smile and my attitude took them by surprise and broke the tension. We usually hugged and laughed at the obscurity of the situation.
This helped me not take things personally and kept the lines of communications open.
May you know that we all stand by you and give you strength. God bless
Jan I have to tell you that I totally took your advice yesterday with my son and in the middle of what was ramping up to be a confrontation I just stopped and smiled at him and told him I loved him. It completely diffused the tension and we were able to just move past it. Thank you so much for your wise, encouraging words!! xoxo
Happy for you to be able to stop, take a breath and not react. My father, a Lutheran minister, always encouraged us not to react but to interact. Good advice. Kids need extra parenting during this time and I can see you are all about that.
Let your son know that his stubbornness or whatever is part of the growing up plan. If he gets that, your smile reassures him he is not bad just learning how to better handle life.
This week, our 24 year old grandson and his new wife are moving out of our house into their first home. It’s been a year with them and we were happy to help
them financially by providing room and board. Now we will be on our own again. And they are off to adulthood. Just two little brothers in our care (4 and 7). We treasure everyday, tired as we are.
Some teens are harder than others to guide through those horrible years. I had a tough time with my son, but always reminded him that even though my rules were chafing his desire for independence soon he would have all the independence he wanted and that he would miss having someone watching over him. Well, he turned out fine and is now 40 years old with kids of his own. He has told me many times that he feels bad for his rebellion during his teen years and now understands why I kept him in check. Lots of love, some humor & persistence will get you through. Always say I love you (even when you’re angry) & learn which things matter & which things you can let go. It takes a strong person to be a good parent, My mother used to say the reason God gave cute, cuddly babies that steal our hearts is so that when they become surly teenagers we don’t give up on them.
Thank you so much for your encouragement Barbara! Truly appreciate your wise words. xoxo
My children are several years out of the teenager stage but being a young adult and trying to navigate life can be just as challenging. I still go through those very same things…and my oldest will be 30 on Wednesday…and youngest has already turned 25 this year.
I have heard that the young adult years can definitely be very challenging too. It never really ends, does it? It just changes. Thank you Karen!
Oh this is so well written!
I am sending this url link to my little sister, a mother whom is dealing with three teen girls.
Yes, you DEFINATELY get an “amen!”
Glad my two daughters are fully grown women.
And my angel of a mother who died long ago told me to “stay loose” when it came to the girls – I told her I was scared not having her around to rely on for wisdom and that’s the exact words she used. Swear to you.
Yes, God works in mysterious ways, indeed.
PICK YOUR BATTLES – don’t feel the need to be right all the time – trust me, they’ll admit to you in a few years you were always right. I think getting out of the house and praying is the best way to handle those days.
Offering up prayer for all the mothers out there with teens in this day and age – not sure I could take it now.
xxoo
God bless!!!!!
Such beautiful, wise words you’ve shared with me Michele! Thank you so much sweet friend for being so encouraging. Many blessings to you! xoxo
I never truely understood the meaning of that song until just now. Carry on with your important task of raising good citizens.
Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle is the title of a book I just found out about today that deals with stresses associated with rearing teenagers. I thought about you since I had read your post earlier today.
That book sounds amazing Daphne! I’m off to look for it. Thank you!
Hope it’s a helpful book for you.
My heart goes out to you. Also when you are feeling like this remem. that this is just for a season and this too shall pass. and the next time you may look back and they are all grown.
my heart goes out to you. remem. this to shall pass and its just for a season.
Thank you so much Pamela!
Vanessa, so glad that we could meet you at the picket fence tonight and pray for you that God will give you the patience and wisdom you need to deal with the things that come your way.
Keep looking up to Him! We will keep you in our prayers!
Thank you so much Mary-Ann!! I appreciate the prayers and encouragement more than I can say. xoxo
It is good that you took time for yourself and wonderful you were open to hear from our Lord!! We all need some escape for ourselves to commune with nature and draw closer to God. I believe that is why he created our lovely natural world!
I totally agree with you Rose! I’m so very grateful for this beautiful world we live in, especially when I need to escape the teenagers. 😉
Two out of my four grown children gave me a lot of grief (promiscuity, lying, and drugs) and I was sometimes tempted to give in to despair. God was so good and although it took time many years, all of my four children are wonderful adults that I’m so very proud of.
Thank you for the encouragement Bonnie and the reminder that even when they stray God is in control and we shouldn’t lose hope. Blessings to you!
Bless you sweet girl and thank you for putting yourself out there in realville…I see blessings coming your way 🙂
Thank you so much Valarie! I LOVE your word ‘realville’. Totally borrowing that one! 😉
Yes! Great post to read this morning. With three teen boys, a tween daughter, and a baby!, I so get where you’re coming from. I have found it helpful to humble myself and let them see that I’m human, too, remind them that I don’t have all the answers and never will, but that I’m trying. Trying to see where they’re coming from, trying to understand, trying to be wise. It can be so hard. And I still blow it. A lot. I offer apologies regularly, and I think that’s so important because pride destroys moments and ultimately, relationships. And we go out for coffee probably more than we should, but that seems to be their love language, so coffee it is! 🙂 I loved reading this, thanks for your honesty and encouraging words. xo, Bethany
The truly crazy thing is … they’re the ones going through the really tough stuff. They are trying to become who they are meant to be and we are just along for the ride. It is a rough ride through the hormones & testosterone years and I am happy to be their “home base”. They can be so unlovable sometimes, can’t they? hahahaha I currently have a 20 year old son living at home while going to college & working, and a son who will turn 17 in a couple of weeks. Buckle up and hold on tight—or hold on loosely, but don’t let go. They need you to be their safety net, the place where they can be the worst version of themselves, but know they are loved anyway.
Thank you so much for your post! I can completely empathize, as I have a 15 yr. old who is going through some struggles and can be quite challenging. Your words were inspirational to me, and I will remember them. Praying for easier times ahead for you! Thank you again.
It’s kinda funny, my daughters didn’t go through the terrible twos but three was a heck of a ride and their teen years went fairly smoothly but boy oh boy twenty? That was more than enough to send me off a cliff with both of them! I’d take three again in a heartbeat! Now we are on the horizon of 23 & 25 and I’ve conditioned myself to say, ” You’re going to be (xyz) you know enough to make your own decisions and you know you’ll have to deal with the consequences or the benefits” . It took me awhile to be able to do this but at this point even though they still live at home, they both have jobs and boyfriends and I remind myself I lived in our current house with both of them already at their age. I still have sleepless nights and they are good girls-i am thankful it’s all what I would consider trivial stuff. Good luck and keep praying!
Love the fact that you & Heather keep it real. This site is refreshing to read. It doesn’t make me feel like I am inadequate reading other venues of social media. Life is real filled with valleys and mountain top experiences but mostly just long flat roads but Christ is there, past present & future.