• Home
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
    • Collaborate
  • Blog
  • Parties
    • Children’s Parties Ideas
    • Holiday Parties
    • Adult Party Ideas
  • Holiday Ideas
    • Christmas
    • Easter
    • Fourth of July
    • Spring
    • Thanksgiving
    • Valentine’s Day
  • Seasons
    • Winter
    • Spring
    • Summer
    • Autumn
  • Recipes
    • Appetizers
    • Beverages
    • Desserts
    • Main Dishes
    • Side Dishes
    • Soups
  • Project Gallery
    • Crafts
    • Decorating
    • DIY
    • Good Ideas
    • Tutorials
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Bloglovin
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

  • Book
  • Speaking
  • Meet Vanessa
    • Featured

April 3, 2017

Hold on Loosely

Oh man. This raising teens/tweens business is not for the faint of heart. Can I get an amen?

The other night I just felt like I needed to get out of the house for a bit. I thought that it might be best for all parties involved if we took a breather and got some distance. Hubby offered to stay home with the children who I love dearly but who I’m also convinced are trying to make me lose my ever loving mind.

As I backed out of the driveway I realized that my original plan of heading downtown for some retail therapy wasn’t really going to cut it. What I needed to truly calm my spirit was open spaces, fresh air and beautiful scenery.

I turned the car in the other direction and soon found myself driving along winding country roads with the window rolled down and cool air soothing my overheated temper. And as I drove, I prayed for God to give me His word, His guidance, His wisdom.

And do you know what God told me? As clear as day, these words came to my mind.

“Hold on loosely, but don’t let go.” 

Yes folks. Apparently God can even use the lyrics from a 38 Special song from 1981 to speak to you if He wants to.

I didn’t really care how He got my attention. Although, let me just say that it’s pretty awesome when you realize that God can use just about anything to speak to you, including random songs from the 80’s.

And, oh how I needed to hear those words.

It was like He was reminding me that these precious kiddos whom I absolutely adore, don’t really belong to me. They are HIS!

Sometimes I’m holding on so tightly because I’m absolutely terrified of messing up on the most important job I’ve ever been given. But God wants me to remember that while He has given me charge of these amazing humans, I’m simply a steward.

I’m to prepare and love and pray over and love and train and love and counsel and love some more. But, ultimately, He holds them in His hands and loves them even more than I do.

So, I can hold on a little more loosely. Not letting go of course!

But remembering that their Heavenly Father (and mine!) is unfolding an incredible story for their lives and I’m simply here to usher them into each new chapter.

Thanks for meeting me at the fence here today,

 

33 Comments Filed Under: Faith, Family, Good Thoughts Tagged With: Faith, Family, God

Subscribe

Get the latest goodness straight to your inbox!

Previous Post: « Baked Lemon Rosemary Donuts
Next Post: Roadside Daffodils »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Rebecca Pondwa says

    April 3, 2017 at 4:46 AM

    This word came to me when i needed it most thank u Vanessa

    Reply
  2. melanie says

    April 3, 2017 at 5:05 AM

    You are so right! Teens take every ounce of parenting skill, such as it is, to maintain a semblance of okayness. Is that even a word? Toddlers are challenging, but you are still in control! Teens push every button and while you are trying to instill goodness, you are gradually loosing control! Love that song, and it is perfect for most teen situations! Hang in there:)

    ps our website is not live till hopefully later this week!

    Reply
  3. kimberley says

    April 3, 2017 at 5:18 AM

    Standing in prayer with you. going through some horribly challenging stuff with our 17 year old son. God had the same word for me “let go and let GOD”! so hard to do. i try to meditate on who God is, that he never slumbers nor sleeps, that these are HIS children and that he imparts wisdom in us parents. I have been getting up in the night and laying my hands on our son, pleading the blood of JESUS over him; KEEP PRAYING! GOD IS IN CONTROL!! Blessings and prayers in support of you and yours!!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:25 PM

      At least we know we are all in this parenting thing together right Kimberley! I’m so sorry you are going through such a challenging time right now with your son but you are absolutely right that we need to remember that they are HIS children first. Prayers and blessings to you too as you navigate through this season! xoxo

      Reply
  4. Jan says

    April 3, 2017 at 6:57 AM

    Oh my Dear, I’m a grandmother of six, 4 to 24. These kids have had their times living with us during different situations in their lives. When our two were teens, a friend of mine set my mind in a different direction. She told me God made teens they are so you don’t miss them so much when they leave home…
    From that time on, when we would have a confrontation I would smile, give them a hug and let them know that this was part of God’s plan and complimented them for helping me remember I was not in full control.. the smile and my attitude took them by surprise and broke the tension. We usually hugged and laughed at the obscurity of the situation.
    This helped me not take things personally and kept the lines of communications open.
    May you know that we all stand by you and give you strength. God bless

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:23 PM

      Jan I have to tell you that I totally took your advice yesterday with my son and in the middle of what was ramping up to be a confrontation I just stopped and smiled at him and told him I loved him. It completely diffused the tension and we were able to just move past it. Thank you so much for your wise, encouraging words!! xoxo

      Reply
      • Jan says

        April 5, 2017 at 6:21 AM

        Happy for you to be able to stop, take a breath and not react. My father, a Lutheran minister, always encouraged us not to react but to interact. Good advice. Kids need extra parenting during this time and I can see you are all about that.
        Let your son know that his stubbornness or whatever is part of the growing up plan. If he gets that, your smile reassures him he is not bad just learning how to better handle life.
        This week, our 24 year old grandson and his new wife are moving out of our house into their first home. It’s been a year with them and we were happy to help
        them financially by providing room and board. Now we will be on our own again. And they are off to adulthood. Just two little brothers in our care (4 and 7). We treasure everyday, tired as we are.

        Reply
  5. Barbara says

    April 3, 2017 at 7:20 AM

    Some teens are harder than others to guide through those horrible years. I had a tough time with my son, but always reminded him that even though my rules were chafing his desire for independence soon he would have all the independence he wanted and that he would miss having someone watching over him. Well, he turned out fine and is now 40 years old with kids of his own. He has told me many times that he feels bad for his rebellion during his teen years and now understands why I kept him in check. Lots of love, some humor & persistence will get you through. Always say I love you (even when you’re angry) & learn which things matter & which things you can let go. It takes a strong person to be a good parent, My mother used to say the reason God gave cute, cuddly babies that steal our hearts is so that when they become surly teenagers we don’t give up on them.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:22 PM

      Thank you so much for your encouragement Barbara! Truly appreciate your wise words. xoxo

      Reply
  6. Karen Hobson says

    April 3, 2017 at 9:21 AM

    My children are several years out of the teenager stage but being a young adult and trying to navigate life can be just as challenging. I still go through those very same things…and my oldest will be 30 on Wednesday…and youngest has already turned 25 this year.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:21 PM

      I have heard that the young adult years can definitely be very challenging too. It never really ends, does it? It just changes. Thank you Karen!

      Reply
  7. Michele (Finch Rest) says

    April 3, 2017 at 12:51 PM

    Oh this is so well written!

    I am sending this url link to my little sister, a mother whom is dealing with three teen girls.

    Yes, you DEFINATELY get an “amen!”

    Glad my two daughters are fully grown women.

    And my angel of a mother who died long ago told me to “stay loose” when it came to the girls – I told her I was scared not having her around to rely on for wisdom and that’s the exact words she used. Swear to you.

    Yes, God works in mysterious ways, indeed.

    PICK YOUR BATTLES – don’t feel the need to be right all the time – trust me, they’ll admit to you in a few years you were always right. I think getting out of the house and praying is the best way to handle those days.

    Offering up prayer for all the mothers out there with teens in this day and age – not sure I could take it now.

    xxoo

    God bless!!!!!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:20 PM

      Such beautiful, wise words you’ve shared with me Michele! Thank you so much sweet friend for being so encouraging. Many blessings to you! xoxo

      Reply
  8. Esther says

    April 3, 2017 at 1:44 PM

    I never truely understood the meaning of that song until just now. Carry on with your important task of raising good citizens.

    Reply
  9. Daphne says

    April 3, 2017 at 6:43 PM

    Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle is the title of a book I just found out about today that deals with stresses associated with rearing teenagers. I thought about you since I had read your post earlier today.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:19 PM

      That book sounds amazing Daphne! I’m off to look for it. Thank you!

      Reply
      • Daphne says

        April 4, 2017 at 8:48 PM

        Hope it’s a helpful book for you.

        Reply
  10. Pamela says

    April 3, 2017 at 7:46 PM

    My heart goes out to you. Also when you are feeling like this remem. that this is just for a season and this too shall pass. and the next time you may look back and they are all grown.

    Reply
  11. Pamela says

    April 3, 2017 at 7:49 PM

    my heart goes out to you. remem. this to shall pass and its just for a season.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:19 PM

      Thank you so much Pamela!

      Reply
  12. MARY-ANN (FROM CANADA!) says

    April 3, 2017 at 9:10 PM

    Vanessa, so glad that we could meet you at the picket fence tonight and pray for you that God will give you the patience and wisdom you need to deal with the things that come your way.

    Keep looking up to Him! We will keep you in our prayers!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:18 PM

      Thank you so much Mary-Ann!! I appreciate the prayers and encouragement more than I can say. xoxo

      Reply
  13. Rose L. says

    April 4, 2017 at 11:41 AM

    It is good that you took time for yourself and wonderful you were open to hear from our Lord!! We all need some escape for ourselves to commune with nature and draw closer to God. I believe that is why he created our lovely natural world!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:18 PM

      I totally agree with you Rose! I’m so very grateful for this beautiful world we live in, especially when I need to escape the teenagers. 😉

      Reply
  14. Bonnie says

    April 4, 2017 at 12:22 PM

    Two out of my four grown children gave me a lot of grief (promiscuity, lying, and drugs) and I was sometimes tempted to give in to despair. God was so good and although it took time many years, all of my four children are wonderful adults that I’m so very proud of.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:17 PM

      Thank you for the encouragement Bonnie and the reminder that even when they stray God is in control and we shouldn’t lose hope. Blessings to you!

      Reply
  15. valarie sanford says

    April 4, 2017 at 1:14 PM

    Bless you sweet girl and thank you for putting yourself out there in realville…I see blessings coming your way 🙂

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 4, 2017 at 8:16 PM

      Thank you so much Valarie! I LOVE your word ‘realville’. Totally borrowing that one! 😉

      Reply
  16. Bethany @ 4SonsPlus1 says

    April 5, 2017 at 3:27 AM

    Yes! Great post to read this morning. With three teen boys, a tween daughter, and a baby!, I so get where you’re coming from. I have found it helpful to humble myself and let them see that I’m human, too, remind them that I don’t have all the answers and never will, but that I’m trying. Trying to see where they’re coming from, trying to understand, trying to be wise. It can be so hard. And I still blow it. A lot. I offer apologies regularly, and I think that’s so important because pride destroys moments and ultimately, relationships. And we go out for coffee probably more than we should, but that seems to be their love language, so coffee it is! 🙂 I loved reading this, thanks for your honesty and encouraging words. xo, Bethany

    Reply
  17. karen says

    April 5, 2017 at 2:38 PM

    The truly crazy thing is … they’re the ones going through the really tough stuff. They are trying to become who they are meant to be and we are just along for the ride. It is a rough ride through the hormones & testosterone years and I am happy to be their “home base”. They can be so unlovable sometimes, can’t they? hahahaha I currently have a 20 year old son living at home while going to college & working, and a son who will turn 17 in a couple of weeks. Buckle up and hold on tight—or hold on loosely, but don’t let go. They need you to be their safety net, the place where they can be the worst version of themselves, but know they are loved anyway.

    Reply
  18. Hilary says

    April 5, 2017 at 5:01 PM

    Thank you so much for your post! I can completely empathize, as I have a 15 yr. old who is going through some struggles and can be quite challenging. Your words were inspirational to me, and I will remember them. Praying for easier times ahead for you! Thank you again.

    Reply
  19. Lisa Ronan says

    April 6, 2017 at 9:26 PM

    It’s kinda funny, my daughters didn’t go through the terrible twos but three was a heck of a ride and their teen years went fairly smoothly but boy oh boy twenty? That was more than enough to send me off a cliff with both of them! I’d take three again in a heartbeat! Now we are on the horizon of 23 & 25 and I’ve conditioned myself to say, ” You’re going to be (xyz) you know enough to make your own decisions and you know you’ll have to deal with the consequences or the benefits” . It took me awhile to be able to do this but at this point even though they still live at home, they both have jobs and boyfriends and I remind myself I lived in our current house with both of them already at their age. I still have sleepless nights and they are good girls-i am thankful it’s all what I would consider trivial stuff. Good luck and keep praying!

    Reply
  20. Lisa says

    April 11, 2017 at 6:17 AM

    Love the fact that you & Heather keep it real. This site is refreshing to read. It doesn’t make me feel like I am inadequate reading other venues of social media. Life is real filled with valleys and mountain top experiences but mostly just long flat roads but Christ is there, past present & future.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Primary Sidebar

Search This Blog

Get the book!

Invite Vanessa to speak at your event!

Stay updated!

Must Reads

Recent Posts

  • Why We’ve Chosen Vacations Over Projects April 26, 2022
  • A New Look for the Family Room March 1, 2022
  • Christmas Kitchen and Family Room December 19, 2021
  • Christmas Home Tour Part One December 10, 2021
  • Easy Hot Cocoa Station November 21, 2021

Footer

Stay Connected!

Instagram

This is one of my most favorite projects from my b This is one of my most favorite projects from my book Life in Season! 

Because, if heaven has a fragrance, I’m fairly certain it smells like lilacs.

I think that somewhere along the way the verse in the Bible that said, ‘heaven will smell like lilacs’ just got lost in translation. But it HAD to have been in there at some point, right?

When I bury my head in the blossoms (which I absolutely MUST do every single time I walk past them), I immediately feel a stirring in my soul.

It seems like I wait forever for my lilac tree to bloom. Every year I anxiously watch as the buds begin to form on the branches and then when the blossoms finally burst forth I begin that agonizing process of deciding the absolute perfect moment to snip them and bring them inside.

And then, after all of that waiting and watching it’s just over…done. Because, unlike heaven, lilacs don’t last for an eternity. So, making my own lilac room spray seemed like the perfect way to enjoy their fragrance long after the blossoms have faded.

Here’s how to make it! Ingredients: Water, Vodka, Lilac fragrance oil. Directions: Fill spray bottle with 50/50 ratio of water to vodka. Add 12 drops of lilac oil. Give it a shake, spray and if the scent isn’t strong enough, simply add a few more drops of lilac oil.

Once you’ve made this lilac scented room spray you will be very tempted to spray it in every room in your house. And someone may want to use it in the bathroom to cover up other less…ummmm….pleasing aromas.

But, do not, I repeat do NOT, let them.

You’ve captured the fragrance of heaven in a bottle and you wouldn’t want to go and tarnish it now would you? 😉
We had two back to back days of sunshine (the most We had two back to back days of sunshine (the most we’ve had in a LONG time) and now we are back to pouring rain. This has officially confirmed what I’ve know to be true for awhile now.

I’m a MUCH better version of myself when the sun is shining! 🤪 So I’ll just be over here today plotting and planning how my husband and I can be snowbirds someday when the kids are out of the house.

If you could spend your winters (and apparently most of spring too!) in any part of the country, where would it be?
Happy weekend sweet friends!! We’ve had a LOT of Happy weekend sweet friends!! We’ve had a LOT of rain lately (which is saying something when you live in Oregon) and I’ll admit that it’s affecting my moods a bit. I feel like I’m dragging and struggling to find the energy to get stuff done. So don’t mind me if I’m over here looking at photos of my garden in the summertime and finding that it keeps me hopeful about those days to come. They will come, right?! 🤪. 

What are your favorite plants that you look forward to seeing in the summer?
We’re going to be giving our laundry room a make We’re going to be giving our laundry room a makeover soon. It’s LONG overdue! In fact, the folks from the counter company were just here taking measurements. While we have made some simple, inexpensive updates over the years, it still has many of the original elements from when the house was built in 1992.

Two of our bathrooms are also in need of major makeovers. And we’ve saved up enough money over the years to tackle those projects. But, for the most part, we made the decision to use the bulk of that money in another way. While we knew that it was financially wise to invest in our house, we also knew that the greatest investment we could make was in our children. 

I’ll admit, there are times where I see other people doing massive overhauls of their entire home in a matter of months and I feel a prick of envy. But, we decided that if our choice was between waiting a bit longer to enjoy a renovated bathroom or going on adventures as a family, we would choose adventures every time. And we don’t regret that decision for a single second. It’s not that we haven’t tackled home projects (we’ve done a lot!). It’s just that it’s been a slow and steady process. 

Most recently, we let our son pick where we would travel for spring break since this is his senior year of high school and we are trying to make up for lost time. With so much of life ‘paused’ for two years, we have appreciated these moments more than ever. And, since he’ll be heading to college in the fall, we are very aware of how important it is to spend this time together while we still have a modicum of control over everyone’s schedules.

We have many years left to remodel our home but only so much time left to make memories with our children.

And, while I’m always happy to look around my home and see rooms that are updated and more reflecting of our style, it doesn’t compare to the joy I feel when I look around my home and see the people I love the most who have been shaped by the many adventures we’ve experienced together.
Happy Saturday!! After endless days of rain (and h Happy Saturday!! After endless days of rain (and hail and snow) we are finally getting some sunshine and warmer temperatures. I’ll be honest, it’s really affected my spirits having one gloomy day after the next. So this is a much needed reprieve. Our cherry trees are showing off outside my kitchen window and we plan to get outside and make the most of these days while we have them.

What’s the weather like where you are?
“The devil, darkness, and death may swagger and “The devil, darkness, and death may swagger and boast, the pangs of life will sting for a while longer, but don’t worry; the forces of evil are breathing their last. Not to worry…HE’S RISEN!” (Charles R. Swindoll).

Happy Easter! He is risen indeed!
Who has believed our message? And to whom has the Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

For he grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of parched ground; he has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon him, nor appearance that we should be attracted to him.

He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and like one from whom men hide their face, he was despised, and we did not esteem him. Surely our griefs he himself bore, and our sorrows he carried; yet we ourselves esteemed him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 

But he was pierced through for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon him, and by his scourging we are healed.

All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on him. (Isaiah 53)
I try to always remember to put a water bottle in I try to always remember to put a water bottle in my car before I go to pick up my daughter from school. She didn't ask me to do this, but a few months ago I began to notice that she was often thirsty when she would get in the car. Her water bottle filled up at the beginning of the day was empty by the time school got out and she would ask if she could have some water from my hydroflask. So I make sure to have one waiting for her. It's just a simple thing, really. But, I want her to know that I'm paying attention, that I see her.

Isn't it amazing how small gestures can make us feel less invisible? Knowing that someone is thinking of us and takes the time to meet a need that we might not have even realized we had? These little acts can have big impacts. What is something that someone has done for you recently that made you feel valued and seen?

What have you done for someone else to remind them that you are paying attention to their needs?

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”
― Charles Dickens
“The next day the large crowd that had come to t “The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, ‘Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!’ – John 12:9-19
#palmsunday
When the Lord blesses you with a glimpse of the pa When the Lord blesses you with a glimpse of the payoff of your investment in your children, it is truly one of the greatest gifts. We had that experience twice this week with our 18 year old son and were overwhelmed by this opportunity we had to watch as he handled two very different situations (one personal and one professional) with grace, maturity, integrity and courage. Those of you mamas of little ones, don't ever minimize the job you are doing in raising this next generation. 

Every story read at bedtime
Every correction made to strengthen character
Every outdoor exploration
Every nose wiped
Every bandaid applied
Every time you say no when the world says yes
Every night of helping with homework
Every difficult conversation
Every prayer uttered

The final pieces of the puzzle of his childhood are falling into place and the picture revealed is one that is more wonderful than we could have imagined. And we know that it is only by God's grace on us as we sought His wisdom and guidance that we have come to this point. We have been FAR from perfect parents, but one of my most sincere prayers for the past 18 years was that the Lord would stand in the gaps that were surely to be revealed by our imperfections. And He has answered those prayers again and again. He's taken my humble petitions and most sincere intentions and knocked our socks off with the young man we are so privileged to call our son. And we can’t wait to watch as his future unfolds!
Load More... Follow
Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2022 · Divine theme by Restored 316

Copyright © 2022 At The Picket Fence