I need to tell you something. I’m a bit scared.
I’m making changes to my house and I’m afraid of the comments I’m going to get. Because people can be kinda harsh when it comes to decorating choices. And of course I know that YOU will be kind and remember that I’m a human being and have feelings and all of that, but some other people might not. The social media world can be brutal!
So I thought that maybe I would take this opportunity to explain myself and prepare you for the day when I reveal the aforementioned changes.
You see, by nature, I’m a justifier. For some reason I always feel the need to explain myself. If you tell me that you like my sweater, I will proceed to inform you of exactly how much it cost originally and how I got it WAY on sale and that I normally wouldn’t buy it except it was WAY on sale and how I also purchased my pants WAY on sale and oh did you see my purse that was WAY on sale and then you will regret ever telling me that you like my sweater.
So, you can only imagine how much angst I would be experiencing knowing that I’m going to be showing you these changes I made to my house and how ‘controversial’ some of these changes seem to be when they are shared with all of the world…or with blog readers…or FB readers…or Pinterest readers…
Because, well, they involve paint. On wood.
And the thing is, no one really should have to justify the changes they make to their own home. It’s THEIR home after all!
But since I do ‘justifying’ almost as well as I do ‘worrying’, I’m going to go ahead and do a little bit with you here today. That way maybe, just maybe, when I actually share the reveal of these changes we can all just hold hands and sing ‘kumbaya’ together, ok? 😉
First of all, I would like to remind everyone that I live in Oregon. Frankly, this should be all of the explanation I need to give. Because Oregon has a teeny tiny tendency to be dark…and gray…and rainy for a good portion of the year. So Oregonians should just have carte blanche to do whatever they need to do to make their homes light and bright. Can I get an AMEN?!
Secondly, our home is well over 20 years old and the cabinets are showing some serious wear and tear. Not only is our family not the most…ahem…gentle, but the previous owners were fairly rough on this place as well.
They may look just fine in photos but that is only because you can’t see them close up and also because I can edit out all of the problem areas. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could do that in real life too? 😉
And finally, we were just ready for a fresh look!
Now, because we don’t have an unlimited budget, this is all being done in stages. We’ve been saving our pennies for a long time to be able to make these changes and we’ll be saving more pennies for the next phase.
Frankly, all homeowners know that the reality is that transforming your home, unlike on HGTV, actually takes years.
In the 6 years since we moved into this house, we’ve done A LOT to make it our own and to make some much needed changes. Like ripping out the safety hazard that was our old deck and installing a new one.
And we saved our pennies for that project too.
I guess I say all of this to say that even though I know I don’t really HAVE to justify my choices to anyone, I think it helps sometimes to pull the curtain back a bit and understand why people make the choices they do.
Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to make the best choices possible, right? And not just in decorating.
Every time we interact with others, we have the opportunity to either build them up or tear them down.
And we see enough ‘tearing down’ on social media, right?
So, even if you think I’m making a HUGE mistake and even if you think I am totally CRAZY, I hope that you will choose to build up rather than tear down.
If you don’t end up liking what I’ve done, well, that’s ok. Because I know I can’t please everyone all the time even if on top of being a justifier and a worrier I’m also a major people pleaser.
But, at this point in my life, I’m finally ready to let go of some of that need to please others and while I really hope that you will like what I’ve done, it’s ok if you don’t.
Because I’ll still like YOU! 🙂
It’s your home, Vanessa. Do whatever makes you happy. I’m sure you will get positive feedback.
“Don’t worry, be happy!”
Joanne
I think that painting the dark wood will transform your home. You have “good bones” there. Some nice moulding and detailing which will respond well to painting. I can’t wait to see you transform it all. It will be hard work but worth it in the end. Good Luck from over the pond x
Hang in there, my dear. We may share what we are doing in our homes, but we must make decisions based on the family’s needs, tastes, and budgets. As I read your post, my heart went immediately to Ephesians 6. And, I am telling you right now that I pray this over you and I pray you will pray it over this project. Rejection in any of its forms is rough and often “you know who” greatest tool to steal our joy. Bless you today. Peace with you today. And above all….let joy rule amidst the work and above social media. Cuz in the end…every little thing….gonna be all right… Right? …………Right. XOXO, Suz
Bless your heart. I can really relate to this post, but hearing it from someone else makes me giggle (but only a little.) I’ve lived in two very dark houses: one due to dark trim and cabinets and the other due to a shady lot. We now live in a lovely bright home. Do what you want with paint and enjoy the end results!
Go for it!!!! I would do it too. Your home should make you happy and feel good. Suiting it to your tastes and personality is a great way to do that. If I lived in Oregon, I would have to paint everything white and put flood lights throughout the house!!!
I quit some of the social media outlets years ago because people can be arrogant and insensitive when hiding behind their keyboards. I know you don’t have that option as a blogger, but remember that there are many more of us out here that admire your work.
Unfortunately, there will always be ‘haters’ out there to post negative comments no matter what. I painted my cabinets and woodwork 15 years ago. I have not regretted it for a minute! I still love it!
I can only say that you dont have to justify anything – I am always astounded by the negativity and even meaness I see on comment sections – there is no justifying that! Your ideas are wonderful and if it isnt someone else’s taste, so be it! Dont stop what you do best – enjoy your ‘new’ home and try to give up that justify habit for the new year.
Wow! A justifier, I never ever thought about that even being a term but it’s so me! Thank you for that, now I don’t feel like the only one. As far as your home, I’m certain that whatever changes you make will look awesome!!!
I know whatever you do will be lovely-and more importantly make your home the home YOU want to live in- You generously take the time to share your ideas and projects in hope readers will find some inspiration for their own – My friends all have vastly different styles and we all appreciate and respect each others personal taste as their own unique vision! Anyway change is good for the soul and keeping things updated helps the value of your home- I can’t wait to see the changes!
looking forward to seeing what you do. i am sure it will be pretty ….and exactly what YOU want.
Oh my goodness. You are putting a bit of pressure on yourself. Do what YOU like change what YOU want to. I am sure it will be lovely. But mostly it will make you happy and that is ALL that matters xoxo
Can’t wait to see the transformation. It will be so nice and bright and I would certainly need that if I lived there.
Are you kidding me?!? You will do a FABULOUS job, girl! I LOVE your braveness, (in spite of your hesitancy) actually maybe MORE because you have doubts, but are “going for it”, anyway!! Love your style, and I am really looking forward to your make over journey! 🙂
I’m a big giant justifier too! Do what you love, friend. I’m sure it’ll be beautiful!!
Good for you, Vanessa! It’s your home and you MUST do what makes you happy and works for your family and budget! Can’t wait to see!
xo Heidi
Well, Vanessa, I don’t think you need to explain to anyone what you are doing to your home. I know there are a lot of people who don’t believe in painting wood, but I’m not sure what their thinking behind that actually is. I think it is just something that is ingrained in us when we are growing up from past generations. (Like ceilings HAVE TO be painted white).
At any rate, I’m looking forward to seeing your changes! We have been doing some painting at our condo, too, and have a couple of more rooms in mind to get done. We have been here 3 years now and it is time for a refresh, so I can totally understand your feeling that way after 6 years in your home.
Dear Vanessa, I think you forget how absolutely you are loved and appreciated in the blogging community! We love you and if you like the changes you are making then we share you joy!!! Yes, there are some really critical people out there… I just ignore them and say a little prayer for them and MOVE ON. Here’s the thing… we have to do what is right for us and we just have to be happy with that! THE END! We share our homes with the world to inspire them and to help them be creative and to cheer them on to making positive changes in their lives. What a gift. Some people just don’t know how to be gracious… too bad for them!
I can’t wait to see what you are doing sweet friend! I am amazed by what you do!
I love your house and I think painted or not it will be beautiful!! Honestly, I wouldn’t care what people think your the one living there and paying the mortgage! Can’t wait to see it when your done I know it will look awesome!
Vanessa,
I say jump in with two feet and don’t look back! Your home is lovely and I feel privileged that you allow us in and share your ideas. So much work ahead but it
will be so fun to watch the transition.
I’m a justifier too so I can so relate. In the process of redoing my kitchen as well
and even though I’m not as exposed on a blog I have had a LOT of opinions and a lot of “why”.
Just follow your heart! Can’t wait to watch from the sideline.
Gurl you have some issues! Lol, I think it is one we all have, the fear of rejection. But I look forward to your project, as I want to change my kitchen. So post away, Cuz I know I’ll learn a lot!
Well.. I think there is a part of all of us that needs a little validation. But! Your home is YOUR nest and you should make it a place that reflects you… We all know it will be beautiful whatever you decide… You just have that gift! Enjoy the journey.. You’ve worked hard for it! A reminder: if y’all can’t say something nice, please don’t say anything at all! Can’t wait to see the transformation!
Vanessa I am sure that whatever changes you are making are being done brilliantly and with excellent execution and taste!
Can’t wait to see the new look!
XO Barbara
I truly giggled with all the justifications and it sounded like me. I feel kind of blind today so you did not show us changes right? Just there will be changes. I kept touches of the Marsala color of the year this year but have used touches of a deep red for years. I was made fun of but I figured after crushed feelings. Well I did not figure but my husband encouraged me to try our new ideas
Best to you in making your home even more you
I’m positive it will be striking!!
Oh my, I am exactly the same way. I just call it a people pleaser, but your term is better. My husband passed away 4 years ago & I made several changes to our home knowing they would have to be done if I sold the house & had to make them a few at a time for financial reasons. I actually had a member of his family
make a rude comment about not leaving any money for his wife because of what I had done. Honey it is like water off of a duck’s back now! I finally realized some people are just rude all the time & I am not going to let them ruin my happiness with their sad life. Love what small bits you have shown so far!! Looking foward to the BIG REVEAL!!
I live in Oregon too and I have painted everything I can get my hands on in white. In our last home, my husband even put up 4 florescent lights in the family room just to help me think it was sunny and bright. If I had that home today, I probably wouldn’t do florescent lights, but I would still definitely put in TONS of lights in that room! Your home is beautiful!
Dear Vanessa,
I tend to be a “justifier” myself. I can relate to your dilemma. However, I usually go ahead and go against the masses just because I am a “rebellious justifier” 🙂
This is your home. The world does not get a say in how you design and decorate. I love blogs like yours because it gives me the courage to make the changes I think of making to my own home. I glean ideas from your experiences. There is entirely to much judgment in this world. Those of us that are fortunate enough to by our piece of this big world should make it ours if we can. When you walk into your home, you should feel happy as you shrug off the negatives of the day at the door. You should make it like a sanctuary for your sanity. A place you are always looking forward to coming back to. Paint the wood, stain the wood…it is all up to you. Make your space yours!! I can’t wait to see your remodel pictures!
Shannon, Indiana
This is your chance to become “your own woman”. Go for it, girl!
I found you through “Becoming-The Unfolding Of You” and wanted to check out your blog. This is the first article I have read and, may I just say, I applaud your courage. I can’t wait to see the results! I have been wanting to paint my cabinets etc., and I have been encouraged by you. I am so excited for you!!!
Oh I can’t wait it is going to be gorgeous!!! For the ones that don’t like it, well, it isn’t their house 🙂 I can’t wait!
XO
Kristin
You know what? These foregoing comments should tell you something. WE ARE ALL BEHIND YOU! It is your house. You can do what the hey you want to do. You don’t really have to share anything! You are choosing to share to motivate, inspire and connect with your readers. What is the point? The point is, don’t give a damn about what other people say in a negative way. THEY DON”T COUNT! I have really exploded a couple of times about this abuse. It just isn’t necessary. I’ll tell you a little secret since no one else will read it. Whispering – I am 70 years old. My brain is stuck of 39! It just won’t move on! So, I have learned a few things to pass along. If your behavior and actions are acceptable to God, your family and friends that’s all you need to feel good about YOU! In that order. STOP JUSTIFYING! ONLY WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO SHARE is all people have the right to expect. Thank for reading this. I hope it puts things into perspective.
I feel bad that you felt the need to say that but considering the rude things people say in the name of”honesty” I understand. Sounds like you have a plan though and hopefully working to acheive that will let any negativety roll right off
Do what makes you happy! You are the one who lives there and life is just too short! But I do understand where you are coming from. I have a couple neighbors who make comments like “Why would you want to do that?” and “I would think twice before I…” So annoying but unfortunately it does make me question my decisions! I wish the comments didn’t bother me but they do but I just keep telling myself that it is my house and I buy things I love.
Shelley
We are currently getting ready to paint our walnut cabinets white and are getting flack from some family members. I think you need to do what you want because let’s face it, it’s your home. Haters can hate all they want but you’ve got to live there.
This Oregonian says “You go Girl!” I just told “The Mister” we need to invent something that let’s you apply a coating of paint w/o actually painting. Just rub it on any surface and peel it off when done. This is something we are going to have to work on 🙂
I lived in Eugene OR for 20 years…and it was rare to see wood painted. When we did ours many people thought it was a sacrilege. Somehow wood & Oregon just go together…my husband was in the timber industry. Anyway when it was “over” everyone loved it and thought the house was bigger! No regrets!
This post made me so sad. I pictured you in a ducking position – like you’d be ducking from a ball flying at your head – as you were writing this. As bloggers, we have chosen to share our designs and skills with whoever is kind enough to read about them. You owe no one an explanation for what you do and the choices you make. They are yours. Sure, there are going to be choices that others wouldn’t make, and for some reason some people feel the need to explain that. But this is YOUR blog and YOUR home. The moment you start “ducking” because of potential comments is the moment you let them take over how you present your work. Don’t do that. Be you. You are fabulous and, if others can’t see that or want to tear you down, that’s their loss. You keep on keepin’ on as YOU. xoxo
I’m totally an over-justifier too!! Your sweater analogy is dead on to how I think too, haha! And about the negative commenters, hey, it’s your home, you have to live with it, not anyone else. Whenever I receive negative comments on our blog, I just remember that that person’s negativity is stemming from something else so beyond me and my little old blog. 🙂 For every one negative comment, you have to remember the dozens of other people you’ve inspired in the process. Can’t wait to see the reveal! I love light and bright kitchens!!
I just watched your video on ‘Becoming – The Unfolding of You’. I was so moved by your story – I identify with it because I’ve been there, too. After I finished I couldn’t wait to come here to get acquainted with you. I LOVE what you are about to embark on. I live in Oregon (near Portland) and our cabinets and trim are all painted white. What a difference it made in our vintage ranch-style home! I’ll be back to read more and I can’t wait to see what you are doing!
~Adrienne~
Oh thank you so much Adrienne!! It just warmed my heart that you came over here after seeing my Becoming video! We probably live very near each other since I am about an hour south of Portland. 🙂 I’ll bet your cabinets look just beautiful and I’m thrilled that you visited me over here today!
Go for the gusto and trust yourself! I can’t wait to see!
Hi there! It’s my first day here, and I’m really excited to see the transformation! I’m not sure who your haters are, but let them know you’ll be happy to send them your mortgage payment! Just ask them to kindly leave an address after the comment:)
Do you remember the part in the Wizard of Oz…when the “wizard” was revealed behind the curtain…and him saying, “pay no mind to that man behind the curtain!”…. well, take that as a classic comment and one that has true meaning behind it….”pay no mind to the person behind the computer!” …. You are making changes to “YOUR” home….a home that you have so lovingly made beautiful and comfortable for your family….and when you make changes, it is because it makes you and your family happy….that said, that is all that matters!….I am so looking forward to the changes you are making. I know that your rooms will be fresh and bright and gorgeous…..that of which matches your personality and the ones of the family living in the house!….”Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”…
Your post made me realize I’m a justifier too! Is there a support group? I’m anxious to see your painted cabinets…I’m sure they’ll be all you wanted them to be! 😉
We live in Washington county, Oregon, so I understand the grey days! My dear hubby painted our oak kitchen cabinets pale beige last year. Best improvement we’ve done in 22 years! You go for it! I will also cheer you on.
Don’t be afraid, it is so clear from the pictures of your home that you have really great taste and a good eye! I just had to tell you because I know how you feel but don’t ever worry because you have definitely got great style!
Go for it, Vanessa! It is your house. You live in it; you can make as many changes to it as YOU like. Tune out the people who say you can’t. The changes will be beautiful because they are your changes
I know exactly how you feel. I have a friend who is an absolute whiz at decorating and I always need to have her opinion to justify what I’ve done. You are doing just fine and what you have done is great. Just remember, it’s your family that lives there, no one elses so sit back and enjoy and have fun.
“Remember…Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.” ― Ziad K. Abdelnour
Just go for it and enjoy the experience Vanessa!
Karen 🙂
PS – I’m an over-justifier too! I have GOT to make myself just say thank you and not give the history of whatever I’m complimented on!!
Even a gal in her (ahem) sixties may still seem to need to justify every purchase and expenditure! Not me, of course! 😉 just say in’. I think we don’t want to make others uncomfortable…or maybe WE don’t want to be uncomfortable. I don’t know. But being a woman of a certain age let me tell you…if you are gifted by our Creator to make a beautiful home on a budget that includes paint on wood then do the best job for Him that you are able and I will celebrate his unique giftedness WITH you and FOR you!!!
AMEN…although we live in sunny, Southern Oregon!
I don’t have a blog so I will just tell you that I waited almost 12 years to have cabinets (we bought a repo in 2000…before they were everywhere)and we lived on different story(s) of our home to finish them alternately. So, when I found a local guy to build ours…it was in cherry-finished wood but I designed them with an eye toward what they might look like painted!
So I understand and can’t wait to see what you do first!
Sending you love from right down the road!
Awww…thanks so much Kimberly!! I’m sure your cabinets are absolutely gorgeous and you are a saint for going through all of that to get them! 🙂
Sounds exciting! Can’t wait to see the end result! I anticipate a lot of positive feedback! You’re awesome!!!!
Thanks so much for your sweet words Melinda!
I like your sweater – and the whole thought process of how it was on sale and you just have to tell them, is totally my way of thinking too! Excited to see your changes! :]
I just painted my cherry kitchen cabinets against everyone’s disgust and I love them !!! It’s your kitchen do what you love!! My kitchen gets very little natural lights and although the cherry was beautiful it wasn’t right in my home. I left the base cabinets cherry and had all uppers painted ben moore moonlight ivory. My cousin who is an archetict and designer picked the cabinets and it is stunning! She was the only support I had or needed!!!
I am so excited to see what you do, because I have a dining room and living room that swim in the shade for most of the day, until the afternoon sun peeks into our backyard. I’ve been wanting to do a lightening up for a while.
I’m a “justifier” as well, so I fully understand. Even though I do understand, it makes me sad you feel you must justify what you are doing to your own home. I know being a blogger puts your world in a different spotlight, but it is still YOUR WORLD. Please don’t feel like, for the likes of us that enjoy your blogs, you can’t enjoy your home as we enjoy ours. I’m saying go for it. I can’t wait to see what you do. You don’t owe me any explanation of reason or cost. Just do what you want to do! Who knows…you may inspire me to do a little more updating around our home, as well.
I think you’re brave! We just built a new house. I have dark espresso cabinets. They are just builder grade crap. I’m either going to paint them or replace them. I have no problem painting wood, unless it’s quarter sawn oak in a 100 year old Craftsman. That’s just some really beautiful wood. So go for it, enjoy the brightness and ignore the naysayers.