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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

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April 15, 2016

The Peace-Filled Home Part 4

I’ve often wished that it didn’t take experiencing the hard things in life for me to grow as a person. I mean, wouldn’t it be so much nicer if depth could be added to our souls while we lie on the beach sipping margaritas? But the only divine revelation I’m likely to have in that scenario is that I need to take a nap. The reality for most of us is that it’s only when we walk through really challenging seasons that we come to a greater understanding of who we are….the good, the bad and the downright ugly.

the peace filled home series from atthepicketfence.com

As I mentioned in The Peace-Filled Home Part 3, I’ve reached a point in my life where I can declare that I am a recovering peace-faker. And the reason that I use the word ‘recovering’ is because all of us tend to fall back into our default modes from time to time. While I now consider myself to have made great strides towards being a peace-maker, I will always struggle with erring on the side of being a peace-faker. And some of you will always struggle with erring on the side of being a peace-breaker. It all goes back to our tendencies.

Getting to the place where I can finally say that I’m a peace-maker has not been easy. I used to think that experiencing peace in my life had more to do with my external circumstances, the things that were happening on the peripheral, than it did with my own heart. For me, having peace in my life was more dependent on the choices of others and how those choices impacted me. I had yet to learn that peace was something I could experience in spite of what was happening around me.

Peace is not the same as happiness quote

The word striving could be best used to describe the way I spent most of my life. I find the definition of this word so fascinating because it could not possibly be a more accurate picture of how this manifested itself in my world.

Striving: make great efforts to achieve or obtain something; struggle or fight vigorously

I’m a people-pleasing perfectionist. Which basically means I expect a lot from myself and never want to give anyone a reason not to like me or to be disappointed in me. Good times! Ugh.

And when this translated into my walk with the Lord, it twisted and warped the way I understood His plans for me. In my mind, right choices would equal a right life. I can hear you chuckling to yourself because you know where this is going, don’t you? 😉

I could say that this worked pretty well for awhile but the truth is that while it might have seemed that way on the outside, in my heart I think I knew that I was only scratching the surface of the depth of grace and mercy that God was offering me. But, until my early 20’s, my ‘right’ choices seemed to actually equal a ‘right’ life. I was a ‘good’ girl. I was a ‘good’ student. I worked hard, studied hard, didn’t play too hard. You get the picture. I met an amazing guy and we got married soon after college. We had good jobs, made a good income and bought a good first home. And for awhile it seemed that my ‘right choices=right life’ approach was going to continue working. But then we encountered a challenge. We struggled with infertility and the grief involved when you reach the point of realizing that you will never have biological children. And suddenly ‘right choices=right life’ equation wasn’t working out. Because here was something that I had absolutely NO control over.

And I was presented with an opportunity. An opportunity to see this as not simply something to be ‘gotten through’ but as a way to add a depth to my relationship with the Lord and my relationships with others.

You see, I believe that when we encounter challenges, we often miss the full purpose of them in our lives.

“The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress, is because they haven’t come to the end of themselves. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfering in God’s work within us. “ ~ A.W. Tozer

It was really only when I came to the end of myself that I was willing to open my heart to the work God wanted to do in it. And it’s a work I think many of us skip over when we are faced with difficulties. It’s been said so often in our culture that we go through hard things in life so that we can help others when they encounter hard things in life. But, I think there is so much more to it than that.

I often say that when I’m faced with a challenge I feel like God is adding insult to my injury. Because, what I’ve found to be true is that in the midst of all of the pain and the grief and the heartache He asks me if I’m willing to allow Him to reveal to me some areas of my heart that aren’t very pretty. Maybe even areas that are sinful. Sin isn’t something we seem to like talking about these days. And we definitely don’t like talking about it when all we want to do is be comforted in our pain. But, I have found that God doesn’t seem to care a whole lot about my comfort. What He cares about is a heart that reflects His character.

And perhaps, it’s really only the painful situations that strip us bare and take our hearts to a place where we can actually see the sin in our lives.

Comfort and character

For me, this meant that as I dug through the layers of my pain one of the big things that was revealed to me was my deep need for control. If I could control everything (and everyone!) around me then I felt more stable, more secure. But here was this thing that I had zero control over and I had to come to terms with how much this sinful area in my life was affecting me. I had to locate the root of it. I had to dig it out and toss it away so that new, healthy life could grow in it’s place.

If a peace-filled home begins with a peace-filled heart, then we need to be willing to ask God to reveal to us the areas that need some weeding. Because one way or another we WILL be made aware of them. It’s pretty much a guarantee that you will encounter problems in this life. “In the world you will have trouble but take heart, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

But simply being aware of our troubles isn’t enough. We have to be willing to let those weeds be yanked and tugged and dug up by their roots. And if you don’t? Oh friends, you will be missing out on so much!

cherry blossoms

I firmly believe that I now have all of the things in my life that I never realized I needed. It’s messy and beautiful and hard and precious. There are complicated relationships and so many more things that I have no control over. But, all of those years ago as a 20-something when I encountered such pain and heartache, I took the opportunity God was giving me to let the necessary weeding be done in my heart so that I could be prepared for something even more amazing than I could have imagined.

And now, I understand that a peace-filled heart only comes when it beats in tune with the heart of it’s Creator. And it’s the overflow of my peace-filled heart which will create a peace-filled home.

In the next installment of this series, I’m going to share some practical ways that you can begin to create a more peaceful home.

But, in the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts on how your heart and your home are intertwined and whether or not any of this strikes a chord with you.

I’m so glad you stopped by to meet me at the Fence today!

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8 Comments Filed Under: Devotionals, Faith, Good Thoughts Tagged With: devotional, Faith, God

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Comments

  1. Gwen says

    April 16, 2016 at 2:03 AM

    I have not been able to read parts 1–3, so I’ll respond to today’s. Yes. It struck a chord. Each of us are given a message. These things I have spoken unto you. That in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation but be of good cheer –but take heart–for I have overcome the world. John 16:33
    This hardship in my life? Maybe not to point out sin but to teach me faith at a next step and another difficulty I go up another step. If an outsider were to read the heartaches and physical junk and losses and such of both my husband of me and my brain damage and then a stroke and so much more for him–the world would not comprehend.
    But God is not cruel. We have declared our faith in Christ even more as the trials hurl our way. I so want others to see Jesus through the broken body and broken life I have. Not pity. And this verse became a treasure several years ago when we thought it couldn’t get worse and it’s gotten much much worse. But be of good cheer–take heart–and I wait Jesus’ big message for me in deep times of hardship. Oh my Good Shepherd says to me I have overcome the world. I need not fear. I’m afraid Lord. But He says Be of GOOD cheer. Take heart. He has overcome this world. Jesus has defeated this old world. I will put my trust in the Lord and have peace for tomorrow. Disappointed? Yes. Sad? Yes. Weary? At times. Yet I’m a child of the King and promised His love. Hallelujah!!!!

    Reply
  2. Michelle says

    April 16, 2016 at 6:33 AM

    Did it ever strike a cord! I could hear ever wire being plucked on the harp. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  3. Melanie says

    April 17, 2016 at 5:04 PM

    Yes! I am actually reading a book on choosing joy, and what it says fits in to your post. It is often the sorrowful, dark times when God does his work.

    Reply
  4. Cassandra E says

    April 18, 2016 at 8:43 AM

    I’ve been thinking on this since I first read it. It all resonates with me. I had many of the same thoughts you’ve had. I’ve been completely derailed. But what really hit home is stepping beyond the insult to injury, and sitting with a little more discomfort as I allow him to sanctify me. I’m super resistant to the idea that all bad things happen because of our personal choices, (which I do not think is what you are saying), but you’ve been able to get me to step outside of that and realize there is still a work to be done. For me! How liberating! My home is pretty peaceful, but I think it could be so much more peaceful as I lay some things down.
    Thank you!

    Reply
  5. Jo Anne says

    April 18, 2016 at 5:52 PM

    Wow. That was beautiful, just beautiful

    Reply
  6. Katy says

    May 2, 2016 at 7:36 PM

    This was beautiful. Thank you for reminding me of Gods Grace.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 2, 2016 at 8:10 PM

      Thank you so much Katy!

      Reply

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I've been watching our cherry trees bloom for 12 y I've been watching our cherry trees bloom for 12 years now and every year I ohhhh and ahhhh over the blossoms like it's the first time I've ever seen them. I gush and I take photos (that look exactly like the ones I took the year before and the year before that) and I make my family come outside and look at them with me which you know they just LOVE to do. 😉 I think that is one of the main reasons why I love spring so much. On the one hand, it's predictable and yet, on the other hand, it still feels like such a surprise after the long months of barren branches.

And yesterday, as I was staring at the gorgeous blossoms for the umpteenth time, I couldn't help but think that I hope this is how I feel when our lives return to some semblance of normalcy.

I hope that the predictable feels special and that the typical feels anything but. I hope that I ohhh and ahhh over the simple things I've realized I've taken for granted. And, most of all, I hope that feeling doesn't go away for a very, very long time! 💗
Are you living with great expectation friends? Bec Are you living with great expectation friends? Because He is risen!

Happy Easter from my home to yours!
Lemon bars all ready for tomorrow! It’s going to Lemon bars all ready for tomorrow! It’s going to be a different kind of Easter for sure but some things don’t change. Have you been baking and getting ready for tomorrow? What’s one thing on your menu that you have to have every year?
If this is Good Friday, why doesn’t it feel so “good”? It all seems backward doesn’t it?

What could be good about the unspeakable pain he suffered? What could be good about the shame and betrayal?

Easter Sunday is so joyful, bright and cheery. Shouldn’t that be the day we call “good”? It just feels so much better!

But, I don’t know how to rejoice over His resurrection, unless I have felt the pain of His death. I have realized that in life the sweetest victories are the ones which were realized after a pain-filled journey.

And, so it is with Good Friday. I know there will be victory over death, but I can’t skip ahead in the story.

Jesus knew what was coming. He knew what he would experience. And he knew why he would go through it. He did it for me. He did it for you.

Do you know that? Have you felt it down in the very core of your soul? 
Sometimes it makes me squirm a bit. Why would anyone do that for me?

Well, because, I can’t do it for myself!

There is nothing I can do to earn that kind of love and mercy.

That is why it is called GRACE.

His grace is freely given. We don’t have to pay for it. He paid the price for us already.

Do you remember that movie from years ago called “Ransom”? A couple’s young son was kidnapped and the parents went to hell and back trying to find him and pay the “ransom” demanded by the kidnappers.

Well, Jesus is our “ransom”. (1 Timothy 2:6) His life was the payment.

Why is it called “Good Friday”? Because that wasn’t the end of the story….
.
…It was just the beginning!
Raise your hand if there’s a table in your house Raise your hand if there’s a table in your house that’s become the landing zone for ALL THE THINGS! 🙋🏻‍♀️🤪 I’ve never been more thankful for our rarely used dining room table as it’s become command central for school books and laptops and games.

Where are things collecting in your house right now?
“Sighing, tears, frustration, anger.” Every si “Sighing, tears, frustration, anger.” Every single one of these emotions has made their way through our home in recent days and, my guess is, they have in your home too.

I SO needed this reminder today from the new book ‘Adore’ by @sarahagertywrites.

Adoration isn’t just sitting at His feet gazing longingly with stars in my eyes. It’s bringing my fears and my sorrows and gray roots in my hair that desperately needs to be colored and my messy house and all of the things that threaten to send me over the edge right now and laying them down before Him, soaking up His word and His presence so that when I stand back up, I am changed for having spent the time adoring the ONE who is... Healer, comforter, peace-giver, deliverer, redeemer.

What do you need to bring to Him today? I’ll share mine in the comments and I’d love to hear from you too!
I’ve always loved evenings, but since this whole I’ve always loved evenings, but since this whole lockdown thing began, I’ve come to appreciate this time of day even more.

It feels the most...normal. Daytime is strange and foreign right now. My husband has taken over our home office, I’m suddenly taking over the responsibility of managing my kids’ distance learning and let me just say that teaching 7th grade algebra to my daughter is hugely ironic since I struggled with math all the way through school. I’m trying to do my own work but it feels utterly futile with the constant interruptions which take precedence right now. In the daytime, I’m constantly reminded of how upside down life feels.

But, in the evening, I cook dinner like I’ve always done and we gather around the table like we’ve always done and we laugh and tell stories and then clean up and play games or go on a walk or watch a show. And that feels SO gloriously normal.

So now I love evenings even more than I ever did before and I’m so grateful for this little chunk of time where the rhythms we established years ago are helping to sustain us now when so much of life feels outside of our control.

What feels ‘normal’ to you right now? Whatever it is, keep doing it. 🌿
When I was in college I would frequently call home When I was in college I would frequently call home and pour my heart out to my mom, sharing with her all that was happening in my life in that completely unfiltered way that you can talk with the person who potty trained you. These phone calls usually took place at night and my mom would patiently listen as I vented frustrations about professors, roommates, boyfriends and the food in the cafeteria. And, inevitably, they would end with my mom saying, “Everything seems worse when you’re tired. Try not to overthink things or make any major decisions tonight, especially when you are feeling emotional.” Dear friends, may I pass along this advice to you today?

If you don’t absolutely HAVE to make a decision right now, I want to encourage you to wait until life gets back to normal. If you are finding yourself over-analyzing relationships and family dynamics, I want to encourage you to remember that everything seems more dramatic when looked at under a microscope. And, let’s face it, being homebound with our loved ones non-stop makes us all feel like lab rats in an experiment.

If you are tempted to quit a job, start a business, start homeschooling permanently, stop homeschooling permanently, move to a new city, buy a farm, quit pursuing your dream, join a commune or make any other major life decision just…wait. Because, if it is in fact the right decision, it will be made even clearer once our lives return to their ‘regularly scheduled programming’. Instead, in this strange season, let’s all just take a deep, collective breath and let it out slowly, releasing the anxiety that threatens to overtake us. Let’s help each other maintain some perspective and not slip into a posture of over-thinking every little thing in our lives. Let’s remember that the enemy of our souls would love nothing more than to use this time when things feel dark to manipulate us into thinking that aspects of our lives are worse than they actually are.

My prayer for you in these days is that you will have the clarity to know what is true and that you will be filled with peace even while we live in this season of so many unknowns.
Raise your hand if you’re doing more baking thes Raise your hand if you’re doing more baking these days! 🙋🏻‍♀️ I’m trying to avoid gaining the #corona15 but my daughter and I LOVE baking together and it does help to pass the time plus it counts as a science lesson right?

If you’re able to find flour in the stores (for the love people please stop overbuying!) and you’re doing more baking at your house too you need to add this apricot bread to your list of new recipes to try!

Normally I’d point you to my blog for the directions but I’m going to do you a solid and leave the full recipe in the comments.

What have you baked so far during this time of social distancing? I’d love some new ideas!
There are a LOT of people out walking in our neigh There are a LOT of people out walking in our neighborhood right now (but still social distancing!) and she decided that she wanted to bring them some joy and put a smile on their face when they pass by our house. Also, the square with ‘say no to coronavirus’ is priceless. 😂 I just love her so much!
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