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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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May 18, 2016

Cake and Grace

I have decided that while there is a great deal of discussion about girls going through adolescence, those of us raising boys are generally ill informed, ill equipped and sometimes just downright ill….that last one is mostly because of the odors they omit at this stage.

This past year has been a doozy for us as we feel like we are just along for the crazy roller coaster ride that is puberty. We’re not sure if it’s worse going through it first-hand or experiencing it with your children. Either way, it’s not pretty. And boys are not even a little bit exempt from the mood swings and general ridiculousness.

I freely admit that I haven’t always handled the obvious hormonal surges very well. Sometimes I feel like I’m saying the same thing to my teenager that I said to him when he was my 5 year old.

“Did you brush your teeth?” 

“Why didn’t you tie your shoelaces?”

“Do you realize your shirt is on inside out AND backwards?” 

One week, not too long ago, my husband and I felt like every single encounter we were having with this man-child of ours was a struggle. It seemed like there wasn’t a conversation that occurred that wasn’t filled with tension and drama and rolled eyes and slammed doors. So, when youth group night rolled around, I freely admit to being more than ready to drop off our boy at church and hope that the Holy Spirit could do a better job of getting through to him than I was doing.

But, he didn’t want to go. He grumbled and complained and whined and, frankly, I just tuned it all out (kind of like how I tuned out his calling out to me from his time out spot on the bottom step when he was little) and somehow managed to get him in the car.

It was quiet in the car for most of the short drive to church but as we pulled up to the youth building my son said, “Mom, I really don’t want to go.” To which I replied, “Oh you’ll have fun once you get inside!” He slowly got out of the car and I watched him walk towards the door with his shoulders slumped and his head down.

And, honestly, I had every intention of just driving off. But, I didn’t. I waited. I’m not exactly sure why. And within a minute I saw my boy walking back out the door searching the parking lot for my car. He spotted me and raced over, flung open the door and said, “Mom, I don’t see any of my friends and I’m really tired and I just don’t want to go tonight!”

I wish I could say that my initial reaction was one of grace and understanding. But, it wasn’t. I told him to get in the car and that if he was so tired that he should probably just go to bed when we got back home. He said something snarky in return and I said something snarky back and then we sat in stoney silence.

As we worked our way back through downtown, I felt such an overwhelming urge to start praying for him…for me…for us. I felt myself relaxing and my heart softening and as I glanced over at this boy of mine, I suddenly knew what I needed to do.

I purposely missed our turn. The turn that would take us back towards our side of town. It took him a few seconds before he realized and said, “Hey, where are we going?”

“We’re going to get a slice of cake”, I replied. “Why?”, he asked, “Because I think you need a piece of cake and we need a chance to just sit and talk.”, I answered.

He was quiet for a few moments and then I noticed the tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. I asked him what was wrong and he said, “I don’t feel like I deserve cake.”

I sighed a big sigh and felt all the feelings, and said, “Well, buddy, sometimes when we feel we don’t deserve something is the EXACT time when we need it the most.”

He looked at me and smiled, wiped the tears from his face and I could sense his entire demeanor beginning to change. It was like the dark cloud that had been hanging over our car was suddenly lifted and the sunlight began to shine through.

We arrived at our favorite little bakery and he wasted no time choosing a flavor of cake. As we sat at the little table next to the window, we began to talk about what has been going on in his life during this first year of middle school. How hard it is, how some of his friendships have changed, how overwhelmed he felt and how he didn’t know why sometimes he was fine and then the next minute was like a crazy person.

And I told him that I understood. Because I was once in middle school too. I told him that while it may feel like this stage is going to last forever, that it might help him to try to remember that it won’t. I reminded him of how great he is. How God has given him so many wonderful qualities and how much he is loved by his family.

As we drove home that evening, I couldn’t help but think about grace. And about how, in that moment in the car, my son understood really understood, really felt, what it means.

I believe that it is only when we acknowledge our undeservedness, when we feel it right down in the very bottom of our souls, that we can truly experience the full magnitude of receiving unmerited grace.

My son didn’t think he deserved cake because of his behaviour. And yet, in that moment, eating a slice of cake with his mom and having a chance to just escape from the world for a bit was exactly what he needed the most.

Because you see…

Grace is the slice of cake we didn’t even realize we wanted until it was offered.

Grace is the sunshine that pierces the cloud of our sins. 

Grace is like the blue ribbon at the end of a race we lost. 

Grace is like finding waterfall when we were only looking for a stream. 

God’s grace comes along at the exact moment when we feel the least deserving. It isn’t held at bay until we get our act together. Because if it was, let’s face it, we would never get to experience it.

 And our Heavenly Father wants us to experience it. He wants it to flood our souls and replace our fears and our sins and our guilt with it so that we can truly know just how much we are loved by Him.

“Grace is an energy; not a mere sentiment; not a mere thought of the Almighty; not even a word of the Almighty. It is as real an energy as the energy of electricity. It is a divine energy; it is the energy of the divine affection rolling in plenteousness toward the shores of human need.” -Benjamin Jowet

On a regular weekday, my son experienced the feeling of grace rolling towards the shores of his need. And I pray that this seemingly small, earthly encounter gave him a glimpse of the abounding grace that God longs to lavish upon him.

I hope that he always remembers that our love for him has nothing to do with what he does and everything to do with who he is.

And that we can always be counted on to come through with a piece of cake when he needs it the most.

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20 Comments Filed Under: Devotionals, Faith, Family, Good Thoughts

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Comments

  1. mary says

    May 18, 2016 at 4:11 AM

    Thank you for a beautiful illustration of the gift of grace…….it has inspired me to seek to be more attentive to moments when grace, not reactive-criticism, is needed by those around me.

    Reply
  2. Tina says

    May 18, 2016 at 4:18 AM

    Oh my goodness! I soooooo needed to read this post. I have just rededicated my life to Christ after a very long depression. I feel like the Lord and I just had a “piece of cake”. I praise God for your faithfulness to Him and to your son. You are such a blessing! THANK YOU

    Reply
  3. Shanda says

    May 18, 2016 at 4:28 AM

    I couldn’t have read this at a better time. I just had my 12 year old daughter stomp out the door to get the bus without saying bye for no reason. So I got my phone and started sending her silly emojis. As we all know that it is “normal” teenage behavior it still sometimes really gets to me, making me feel kinda like a failure as a mom. Almost like where did I go wrong? Parenting is tough. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Reply
  4. Mimi Matthews Passionista At Large says

    May 18, 2016 at 5:25 AM

    This really hit home with two teens going through this roller coaster! Thank you.

    Reply
  5. Jill K. says

    May 18, 2016 at 6:36 AM

    Tearing up at this because Wow, did I need it. Thank you so much for reminding us how much they do need us right now, even though they don’t know it. I have 2 teens in the house and this is all too familiar! Thank you

    Reply
  6. Linda says

    May 18, 2016 at 7:14 AM

    Gee Whiz. Hmmmmm.. .I don’t know where to start to make a short comment. I have a grandson starting middle school next Fall. I can already see the *symtoms.* Thank you so much for sharing this post. You have given insight to more people than you will ever know. Isn’t it just wonderful when the Lord uses you to teach others?!

    Reply
  7. Bren says

    May 18, 2016 at 8:08 AM

    How precious!!! Thanks for sharing! I tend to forget how much grace is needed at times!! Love you friend!!

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 19, 2016 at 10:58 AM

      Thank you sweet friend!

      Reply
  8. Nancy says

    May 18, 2016 at 8:31 AM

    So beautifully written. A blessing to start my day. Thank you.

    Reply
  9. Pam Perry says

    May 18, 2016 at 9:21 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing a very raw & precious illustration of Grace!

    Reply
  10. Michele says

    May 18, 2016 at 10:31 AM

    Oh this is just wonderful – beautifully written and such a perfect witness.

    Thank you for sharing such an intimate and poignant moment.

    I wish you all the very best.

    God bless.

    Hugs. ♥

    Reply
  11. Nancy H says

    May 18, 2016 at 10:41 AM

    My favorite post of all time!!!

    Reply
  12. Kim says

    May 18, 2016 at 10:49 AM

    we are on the cusp of this period in life and I am grateful for your words. I need to remember the grace given to me and extend to me especially in those moments when it’s the last thing I want to do. so good friend!

    Reply
  13. grampa hunt says

    May 18, 2016 at 12:14 PM

    Made my day Vanessa. Thanks for blessing me…
    Last weekend I thought I’d expound something spiritual to him in the car, and asked if he’d ever heard of the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT? I fully expected a “no” but instead he recited all nine.
    THAT made my day too. It’s in there!

    Reply
  14. Wendy Johnson says

    May 18, 2016 at 2:34 PM

    As much as I love home decor, thrifting and diying I am glad that God knew I needed more and led me to bloggers that offer more…often like today , when I least expect it.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      May 18, 2016 at 3:38 PM

      Oh Wendy, the tears came immediately to my eyes when I read your sweet comment. Your words are just the encouragement I need to keep sharing from my heart in between all of the pretty home decor stuff. Thank you! ~ Vanessa

      Reply
  15. Carol Reddin says

    May 18, 2016 at 5:50 PM

    Beautifully said Vanessa. We all need grace, don’t we?

    Reply
  16. Marsha says

    May 18, 2016 at 7:03 PM

    Great post. It’s hard to be a parent…….. I still don’t drive off until she’s through the door. If she looks back I want her to know I saw that last smile, that last wave, that last little glance….

    Reply
  17. pamela says

    May 18, 2016 at 8:36 PM

    I was told once that our tweens and teens need us just as much now as when they were little , but now we need
    to be there and listen and help guide them and remind them that are Loved. Just remember when in the rough waters of life come ,that this too shall pass, as this is only for a season. Be Blessed

    Reply
  18. sheri says

    May 19, 2016 at 4:54 AM

    Girlie – so needed this. I still come over to your blog to read even though I’m not writing right now. This was beautiful and oh so timely. {{{Hugs}}}

    Reply

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I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consumin I’m never.going.back to stressful, time-consuming seasonal decorating. When I think back on the years where I would feel all of the pressure to come up with something fresh and creative I’m seriously embarrassed. Truly. Because it was such a waste. A waste of my time, my energy, my resources. Something clicked with me a few years ago. I was just done. I needed to simplify. I needed to not spend an obscene amount of time looking at fireplace mantels on Pinterest and trying to figure out how to make mine look amazing. I needed to put it all in the proper place in my heart and my mind. Which meant, it had to go waaaaayyyy down on the priority list. So far down it almost wasn’t on it. And I needed to confess to the Lord that I had allowed it to become an idol. 

Yes, I want to have a home that I enjoy. Yes, I love pretty things. But something really amazing happened when I finally released it all. When I decided to not give into the pressure and panic I would feel when I would scroll through my Instagram feed. When I just laid it all down and said…enough. There was this incredible irony in it. Because, the less time I took to decorate my home for each season, the more I found myself loving the results. I think that all along I had just been getting in my own way. It’s really taken a lot of time and prayer for me to finally be at a place where even though I still struggle with insecurities and I still have doubts from time to time, I’m becoming increasingly more confident in who God created me to be. And, just like my home, I’m finding that as I relax into myself, letting go of the comparisons and the pressure, the more I can actually lean into the calling He has placed on my life. 🍂

Leave a comment if you can relate! 

#wearethehomemakers #homemaking
“As the alluring song of September begins to whi “As the alluring song of September begins to whisper in my ear, my passionate spirit yearns for the splendor of its promise.” (Peggy Toney Horton)

Happy September dear friends! While I’m not quite ready to let go of summer and I plan to make the most out of the lingering, warm days, I’ll admit to starting to think about my fall decor this year. And one way to get inspired is to take a look back at previous years. Here’s just a glimpse at some of the ways I’ve welcomed Autumn to my home! 🍂

#september #falldecorating #falldecor #falldecoratingideas #wearethehomemakers
Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning Labor Day weekend might mean that we’re turning the corner and getting closer to fall but I’m not quite ready to let summer go. So I’ll just be over here continuing to whip up some super simple summer meals for my family that frankly can be enjoyed in any season. These shrimp rolls I made the other night were definitely a hit and would be great for any of your upcoming holiday weekend gatherings!

Shrimp Rolls 🍤

Ingredients
1-2 lbs of shrimp that is peeled, deveined and tail off (If using frozen make sure it’s thawed completely)
1/3 cup mayonnaise 
1/2 of a lemon
2 Tbsps chopped scallions
1 Tbsp chopped dill
1 Tbsp chopped Italian parsley
1 Tsp of Old Bay seasoning (more if you like!)
pinch of sea salt and pinch of black pepper
Hoagie Rolls
Softened butter

Directions: Gently pat the shrimp with a paper towel to remove any excess moisture. Roughly chop the shrimp and place in a bowl. Add mayonnaise, squeeze half of lemon and stir to combine before adding in the scallions, dill and parsley. Stir to combine and then add the additional seasonings. Spread butter on hoagie rolls and toast in the oven until lightly browned. Pile on the shrimp mixture and enjoy! 

#shrimproll #foodie #weeknightdinner #easydinner #seafoodlover
Today has been a very Monday-ish kind of Monday. W Today has been a very Monday-ish kind of Monday. We woke up to the sound of chainsaws and rushed downstairs to find that our backyard neighbors were having two of the huge trees that line our shared fence removed. These trees have been here longer than the neighborhood and no, they weren't dead or causing damage to roofs, foundations, etc. They were beautiful and gave us wonderful privacy. We had no notice of this happening so this came as quite a shock. Because we were given no notice, we didn't have the chance to cover our outdoor furniture or plants and everything is now coated in a thick layer of sawdust including the fresh bark we recently put in the garden beds. And now our lovely privacy is gone, replaced by a direct view of an above ground pool and RV. I know, I know, it's totally a first world, privileged kind of problem to have. But, now we have to spend thousands of dollars on plants to try and recapture some semblance of privacy. Now we have days worth of clean up to do after we had JUST done a massive freshening up of our backyard. My overarching feeling has just been weariness at the way our world is today.

I think about how often we try to do right by people, to be respectful and courteous. To be thoughtful and considerate. And it’s not reciprocated. How its starting to seem more and more like people have just given up on those seemingly small niceties. And my soul just feels heavy. Because I feel like so much of what used to be common courtesy is not so common anymore. Drivers on the roads are angrier and more reckless than ever before. Red lights being run are an everyday occurrence around town. On our recent family vacation, I heard more people using the F word out in public than ever before even while around children. Where are manners? Where is kindness? I'm finding myself being surprised when someone is thoughtful because it seems like a rarity. And that's just all on a micro, local level. Don't even get me started on the insanity in our world/culture. After I returned from grocery shopping (which can also be soul crushing), I found myself desperate for a reminder of the truth. 

*Part 2 continued in the comments.*
How often is it in our lives that we don’t fully How often is it in our lives that we don’t fully grasp our strengths or our weaknesses until we are put to the test? Little did I know how much I would love my role as a wife, mother and homemaker until I became one. And that in my endeavor to do those roles to the best of my ability, it would bring to the forefront gifts and talents and blessings that I use outside of these walls.

As I water others, I’m watered too because it brings such joy to care for those around me. But it can also make me see more clearly the areas in which I’m lacking and be a very humbling reminder of how much I still need to grow and learn.

Proverbs 11:25 says, “Whoever brings blessing will be enriched and one who waters will himself be watered.”

Have you done any ‘watering’ of others this week? How has it blessed and ‘watered’ you in return?
“Mom, this is one of my favorite meals that you “Mom, this is one of my favorite meals that you make.” Statements like this from my kids fill me with so much joy and such a sense of assurance that my role as the maker of this home is one that makes an impact on them in both big and small ways. It’s not just sheet pan shrimp boil. 

It’s nourishment
It’s time together around the table
It’s laughing as we try to get the butter sauce out of the pan
It’s a memory
It’s an imprint on their lives 

The ordinary act of making a meal becomes EXTRAordinary. And I try to keep that in mind as I do this task day in and day out, year after year. 

***

Ingredients: 
1 pound baby red or yellow potatoes
Green beans or corn (4 ears cut in half) whichever you prefer
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon Old Bay seasoning
1/2 tsp coarse sea salt and pinch of black pepper 
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 (12.8-ounce) package smoked andouille sausage, thinly sliced
Crusty bread for dipping 

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly oil a baking sheet or coat with nonstick spray. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook potatoes until just tender, about 10 minutes. Put potatoes, shrimp, sausage and green beans or corn on baking sheet. Pour butter over top. Sprinkle with old bay seasoning and salt and pepper. Mix well to combine. Bake for about 12 minutes or until shrimp is pink. 

#shrimpboil #sheetpandinner #sheetpanmeals #homemaking
Temperatures in the 100’s call for fresh and lig Temperatures in the 100’s call for fresh and light cocktails! My husband is my own built in bartender and he put this together the other night. 

2 jiggers of gin (you could also use vodka) 
*you should do a jig when using a jigger 😉*
Crushed ice 
Grapefruit tonic 
Squirt of lime 
Sprig of mint 

Easy and so refreshing!! ☀️

#cocktails #summercocktails
There is something magical about the late summer e There is something magical about the late summer evenings. Maybe it’s because we have a greater sense of the fact that these long days are slowly shortening and we want to savor them as much as we can. I know I intend to do just that. 

I hope you’re having a wonderful August so far dear friends!
Variations of this recipe are on repeat at our hou Variations of this recipe are on repeat at our house all summer long. We’re big on the ‘build your own’ method of making dinner especially on very hot days. Simplicity for the win! 
#recipes #easydinner #easydinnerideas #homemaking
In music, rhythm is a regular repetition or a grou In music, rhythm is a regular repetition or a grouping of beats. No matter what else a piece of music has in terms of its pitch or tone, the rhythm never changes. Its the stabilizing force and brings order to a composition that would be completely chaotic without it.

The same can be said of rhythms in our lives and in our homes. When everything else feels out of control, rhythms and patterns provide us with stability and something that we can rely upon to give us a sense of security in a very insecure world. But, too often, we associate the rhythmic things we do in our lives as merely tasks to be gotten through rather than gifts which provide much-needed balance.

Whether it’s making the coffee every night before we go to bed or doing my devotional in the morning before the rest of the house wakes up or watering my garden, these simple tasks provide a rhythm to my day that is truly grounding. 

What’s something that you do that you would classify as a rhythm or pattern in your week?
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