Last week, I had a really hard evening with my kiddos. I was tired, impatient, stressed out and doing battle with an overstuffed yard bin I was trying to drag to the curb while my husband was out of town on business.
And I lost my cool.
After I had put them to bed that night I sat down at my laptop and just started talking…to you…to the mom who was tired and impatient and yelled at her kids and then felt immense guilt afterwards and struggled to give herself grace.
I shared the video here and on social media and it was well received with kind comments and over 600 views on Youtube.
Later that evening I shared the video again on Facebook and well…let’s just say that there were a couple of comments that weren’t so nice.
They were negative. Actually, they were downright rude.
It wasn’t that they were simply commenting on not liking the topic of discussion or that it didn’t relate to their season of life.
Nope. They were insulting ME…my voice…my mannerisms…the way I said certain words.
And one of them made like mention of like the fact that I like used the word ‘like’ totally like too much. 😉
It hurt. Really hurt. Stung in fact.
And what do you think consumed my thoughts the entire rest of the night and on into the next day.
Do you think it was those 620+ views on Youtube or those encouraging and supportive comments?
Nope. No way, no how!
Over and over again I read their rude words and allowed them to seep into my heart, winding their way around it until I was convinced that they were true. That I should never have made a video and that I definitely should never make another one.
Before I made the video I was certain that God was telling me I should do it. That someone out there needed to know that they weren’t the only one struggling and making mistakes as a mom.
But now, well, now I was letting all of my doubts and insecurities take over.
I happened to be on the phone with my sweet friend early in the morning after I had already opened the computer to find an additional nasty comment (nothing like having that greet you first thing in the morning!) and I told her that they were probably right. The video was too long and I was boring and I did have a sing-song voice and I like totally like did say ‘like’ way like too much.
She immediately stopped me and said, “Why on earth are you allowing them to convince you that you did something wrong? Why would you let them stop you from making another video?”
I knew the answer to her question. I was believing the lies.
The lies that satan wants me to believe. That I’m not good enough. That no one would ever want to hear what I have to say.
That I really AM boring.
I quickly stopped and had a heart-to-heart with God. I allowed the truth of how HE sees me to begin to wind it’s way around my heart squeezing out all of the lies.
And then I thanked Him for those negative comments. HUH? WHA? Yep, that’s right friends.
I’m thankful for those.
Because, you see, without those negative comments I never would have been driven to the Lord for reassurance.
If I had just been stroked over and over by the positive, not only would I have not sought out His truth but I would have been in very real danger of patting myself on the back and thinking that I was all that and a bag of chips. Do the kids still say that? Probably not since this almost 40 year old is saying it! 😉
Now, I’m not saying that I really, really hope more people will leave me negative comments (pretty please don’t leave me a negative comment on my post about negative comments ok?).
What I am saying is that when they come (notice I said when and not if) I will not be defined by them.
And you know what else, as much as I love all of the wonderfully positive and encouraging comments, I’m praying that I will not be defined by those either!
Because what really matters is not how anyone else sees me. Whether they think I’m incredibly witty and creative and inspiring or whether they think I’m boring and talk with a sing-song voice.
What matters is how my Maker sees me. If I’m being obedient and listening for His voice.
Because His voice is the voice of TRUTH and it is against this truth that all things are measured!
Even my sing-song voice! 😉
Vanessa,
I’m am so sorry for your recent disappointment with some viewers. Unfortunately, we now live in a society where respect for others is no longer in vogue. Even respect for your moment and the sharing of that moment. Nope. No debate allowed. No other point of view. No words of mercy, love, and encouragement. There’s just a full throttle attack. Current society models examples of mocking, name calling, and other verbal attacks. Lying and condemnation of opposition by whatever means necessary is part of the new justice system. It’s sad and pathetic, but worse than that, it’s a deterioration of values.
Then there’s you. And your sweet, encouraging, and Godly response.
I congratulate you for your honesty and response to the cruelty. You could have lashed back, but you chose the high road.
It’s a tough place to walk, but I encourage you to stay there….no matter what. With your popular blog, you have a platform and a voice very few people can duplicate. I pray you continue to stand for traditional values and Biblical righteousness.
It’s not the easy road, but it is the one with great rewards. Eternal rewards.
I will continue to follow along…..in the background.
Your silent cheerleader.
Why?
Cause everybody needs one.
Many blessings to you,
Suz
You know sometimes when some event happens in the news I will read peoples comments about the event. I am always amazed at some of them. A teenager dies in a car wreck and there will be some idiot sitting behind his computer with nothing better to do than to bash the family for letting them drive or whatever. I think that people find the security of sitting behind a computer screen gives them a voice they would never have face to face. I would blow them off as simple trolls. Loved the video BTW!!!
Thank you for sharing Vanessa! I am sorry that you received negative comments for sharing what God laid upon your heart. What I have learned as a Christian is that when we are sharing God’s word, Satan will try to prevent us from doing that again. Many times, I have shared what God has put on my heart during a service, on Facebook or another public forum and immediately afterwards I hear “that sounded stupid” or “you have made yourself look like a fool”. These are thoughts that run through my mind that make me begin to second guess what I have done or said. However, I am learning that it is Satan’s way to try and prevent me from sharing God and His word and this is be part of the process of trusting and obeying God. In the end, it is better to be obedient to God’s call to share him and his word than to allow fear and negativity to prevent us for sharing him at all. Satan wants to silence us and steal our voice. We are not always going to please everyone but there is only ONE that we need to please. Thanks again and have a blessed day.
I wouldn’t worry about the negative. I would totally focus on the fact that at the end of the night you were still brave enough to get in front of a camera to make the video! You may not sound as polished on the video as your carefully crafted posts we are so used to reading, but your message rings true none the less!!!! Though I personally loved you in the video. BTW maybe this was the natural follow-up post. Once we beat ourselves up for our mistakes and we even overcome Satan in our own head…that doesn’t end the battle. Our clever opponent simply finds a new route of attack. So I guess the original video was doubly relevant after the negative comments. Keep doing your wonderful best!
Girl. That’s insane. People never stop ceasing to amaze me. I would have gone through the exact same stages but am not sure I would have come out the other side so quickly. So thankful you did. Saw a meme on FB that read “Hurting people hurt others.” Such truth in that. And yes, we know where the the source is. So thankful you realize the truth.
I am definitely a fan of yours–unfortunately—there are to many negative people in the world–that want to destroy the positive. Blow it off, after raising four daughters and now having nine grandchildren—I have come to the conclusion nothing is perfect or ever going to be–so blow it off and move on.
Today is a new day–enjoy the positive things in your life. Keep on blogging and keeping all of us posted. Love your articles.
Have a blessed day.
Oh Vanessa…first of all, we all go through those times of stress and frustration and we should allow ourselves to vent..I have found that those who are terribly mean and say hateful words are truly “unhappy” people…They are not happy with themselves, so they have to make others unhappy too…So, take the advice from your dear friend and keep sending your wonderful messages!!…
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. John 8:7
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Matthew 7:1
Some people just don’t get it. Pray for them.
Precious Vanessa, I like, totally get disappointment with how you mothered your children cuz I had lots of days when i was guilty of that. But God, in His mercy has ministered to my heart many times about that, saying, “My grace is sufficient to cover ALL of your parenting mistakes! ” Praying that He ministers to yours as often as you need it, sweetie. *hugs* Karen
Words do hurt! But thankfully you realized that your voice was coming from your relationship with THE VOICE of truth. I pray that you will keep sharing your faith on your blog because our world needs it more than ever!
What an important message! Thanks for sharing. I’ve learned this the hard way but it took me years!!
Just remember that you learned how important it is to trust yourself and your Maker
You’re beautiful and you shared your (unedited) heart. It was so appreciated by many. You aren’t a professional actress – you are a real person and a Mom. Thank you for that.
It’s so hard to ignore the negative comments (oh and you’re human too) but we just have to move on. Love that prayer you shared above. Now lets see if I can remember that every time too!! 🙂 Love you!! xo
You are one of the truly sweetest people. Just know that those negatives are coming from unhappy people. Because who takes the time to leave a negative comment on something like that? Not nice, happy people, that is for sure. All moms struggle at sometime, with something. You are simply human. Hang in there V!! {{hugs}}
I think we all need reminding of that each day. I sure would rather be faithful to God than humans. I’m so glad you shared your heart. You are so brave.
I love that you were real and transparent. Putting yourself out there takes courage and a willingness to be vulnerable. Rock on sister. Blessings to you.
Thank you for being honest and vulnerable. You are a blessing! May God’s truth drown out the lies of the enemy, amen.
Without the rain there would be no rainbow., Nice reminder for all of us,not to let the negative define us, God has made us in his image, thats enough for me!
You go girl! Awesome post and what a wonderful response! And I love your voice 🙂
Happy day!
karianne
I enjoyed your post, it made all of us moms that have been right there know we are all facing the same struggles. I appreciated your honesty.
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit
my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over
again. Regardless, just wanted to say fantastic blog!
Yah you! You got it! Our pastor always reminds us to not read our own press clipping that either lead to pride or a feeling of being less than who we are. How very sad that another woman would choose to side with satan, the father of lies, and bring condemnation into your life…how very, very sad. He is always the accuser! It is always him who says those things even when he hides behind some woman’s keyboard. Bless your heart that you went to the truth giver and He reaffirmed your beauty and value!! And so good of you to answer the call He placed on your heart to encourage other moms. I did not watch the video because I am beyond thaat phase of life but did pass it along to our daughter who is in throws of parenting young ‘uns! What a messy, emotional roller coaster of feelings you gals are on. I am happy to tell you there is an end to it and a peacefulness that comes with age and knowing that God not only makes up from all our mama-mistakes, He actually uses them to bless the whole family. 🙂
Its amazing how much you have helped me today, it’s a God thing, yes he is always there, thank you for sharing and helping others!
Bless you for keeping it real and sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. The One called Grace can take our broken hearts and make them whole. I love your voice and I love that you don’t let fear stop you from sharing that very voice our Maker purposely gave you. K eep sharing. There is Grace in it all.
What words of wisdom. I’m sure you’re an amazing mom…just human like we all are. Remember, Vanessa, people only let you see what they want you to see. That’s why the Word tells us not to compare ourselves with others. Just strive to be like Jesus and don’t worry about those who criticize. Bless you, honey.
Keep your faith or your positive attitude. Trust in God, as St. Therese of Calcutta would say. Criticism hurts and
divides, positive feedback and support builds up!
ANN
Vanessa, it’s crazy how people who are hurting want to bring everyone else down to their level! So sad. Stay strong!
Keep your pretty chin up and straighten up your crown, Girl! Your Father is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords- you are a Princess and your Father made you perfectly in His image!!