“I want to ride a snowmobile,” he said to me on the phone one day before Christmas. “It’s one of the things I’ve had on my bucket list and I’m afraid if I don’t do it now I’ll never get the chance.” My dad has always been the one who creates opportunities for his family to have adventures together. Kayaking, riding ATV’s in the desert, horseback riding, going off the beaten path (like WAY off the beaten path); these are the things that give him joy especially when he gets to experience it with his favorite people.
So, after Christmas, we all made the trek up to Mt. Hood and the snowmobiling excursion that awaited us. My sweet husband, knowing how rarely I get to do ‘non-mom-ish’ type of activities, offered to have me go instead of him since there were only enough snowmobiles for 4 of us with the two kids needing to ride with adults. After our guide got all of the snowmobiles lined up in a row and gave us a safety lesson, it was time for us to hop on and head into the snow-covered forest. My 15 year old son got on the back, all the while bemoaning the fact that he was a few months shy of getting to drive one by himself, and I got settled into the driver’s seat.
We started off down the path as the snow began to gently fall and even though we have been snowmobiling before as a family, getting to check this one of my dad’s bucket list made it feel like a brand new experience for all of us.
It didn’t take long, though, before I began to notice something different about this particular trip. Being last in the line of snowmobiles put me at a bit of a disadvantage. Basically, we were getting all of the fumes coming from everyone in front of us. It was not pleasant. Here we were gliding over the snow-covered hills at the base of a majestic mountain all the while choking on exhaust.
So, I did the only thing I could do. I hung back a bit from the group. I didn’t let them get out of my sight but I slowed down enough to allow me and my son to breathe in some fresh, non-exhaust filled air.
But, feeling keenly aware of how easily I could get separated from everyone else, I hurried to catch back up again. And, sure enough, those fumes began to overwhelm us once more. So, there we were, going back and forth between slowing down and speeding up and as I continued to gauge how close we could get to the other crafts before we were overwhelmed once more by the odor, I realized that I was going to have to make a choice about how to handle this dilemma for the next hour and a half of our adventure.
As I drove on, grateful for the built-in heaters on the hand grips, I also realized something else. The constant tension of trying to keep up with everyone else only to get close and begin choking on their fumes was very similar to how I’ve been feeling in my life.
I look ahead at the people in front of me, happily going along the path and I want to be with them. That is seemingly the ‘right’ line to be in. And yet, whenever I get close enough to feel like I’m apart of things, I’m still in last place and choking on their fumes. But, when I hold back a bit, I find myself feeling left out and alone.
For the past year, I just haven’t quite known where I fit in in this great big blog-o-sphere. You see, I’m no longer as easily defined by one genre. With an emphasis on sharing both ideas for your home and inspiration for your heart, most often I find myself being neither here nor there. I write about my faith, but since I don’t write exclusively about my faith I am not fully immersed in the ‘faith-based writer’ community. I share about decorating and other home-related topics but since I don’t share exclusively about those things and since, these days, the thought of doing more craft-y things makes my skin crawl, I don’t really fit in with the ‘home’ blogging crowd.
This has often left me feeling isolated and yes…even lonely.
And the same feeling that began to well up in me as the distance between my snowmobile and the ones in front of me grew longer, is one I experience in my professional life too. This feeling of seeing everyone ahead of me, the space between me and them growing bigger and bigger and I don’t know how to catch up. I’m not even sure I really want to.
But, as we drove on, I felt another feeling began to develop. As I slowed down to get away from the fumes, I realized that I was being given the opportunity to experience something different from everyone else in the group. I was able to truly soak in the beauty of my surroundings. My view was unobstructed and my son and I began to notice more of the details. There was the snowman that someone built down a side path which put a smile on our faces. There were the branches on the trees literally bending in half from the weight of the snow. And the paw prints from some small creature out foraging for food.
I began to see all of the benefits of being the last in line. For one thing, it gave us the chance to speed up now and then and, let’s face it, snowmobiles are a lot more fun when they’re going fast.
And I realized that it was exactly where I belonged. It was ok to have pulled back a bit from the group. To go at my own pace, with the opportunity to soak up more of my surroundings.
And I’ve also realized that THIS is where I belong. Right here, with all of you.
It doesn’t really matter if I don’t fit into one genre or another. It doesn’t matter if I no longer get asked to join in very many blogging home tours or try out new types of craft glue. It doesn’t matter if I don’t want you to ‘shop my page’ or if I’m not included in the round robin style activities to gain followers on Instagram.
It doesn’t matter if other faith-based authors don’t relate to my home decor themed blog posts. It doesn’t matter if I’m not seen as really one of ‘them’ or that I don’t tackle hard-hitting, controversial topics.
All that matters is that my heart is here…with you. And that I am FOR you.
As I reflect on my years of writing to you, I can’t help but think about what has always resonated the most in our community here. It’s when we’ve shared our hearts with each other. When we’ve had those “you too?” moments. Whether it’s been about dealing with insecurities or chin hairs, making peace with not wanting to live in a farmhouse or having doubts about Hallmark movies.
And, as I think about what I feel the most passionate about, what makes me the most excited and what I truly feel God calling me to share with you, a simple message emerges.
I want you to have more peace in your hearts and more peace in your homes. And I believe those two things are very intricately connected. In fact, I believe that they are so woven together that it’s hard to have one without the other. If our homes are chaotic then our hearts are chaotic and if our hearts are chaotic our homes are chaotic.
So, my hope for this coming year, is that when we encounter each other (whether it’s online or in person!) you will come away feeling encouraged and uplifted. That you will be challenged to pursue having more peace in your hearts and your homes.
And, if you find yourself struggling to keep up with the rest only to find that you’re choking on fumes, I hope you will find that there is freedom (and easier breathing!) when you slow down and go at your own pace.
Much love to you all,
I LOVED ❤️❤️❤️ This post so much. It really resonated with me especially in the new ( next ) chapter I’m pursuing in my own life. I often compare myself to others and wonder where and how I will fit in with my new adventures in flower farming. But then I realize those are not really the most important things
Thank you for bringing myself and others some clarity with your honest and heartfelt post. SO very appreciated!
Don’t you just love it when God points out things to you like that? He is all around us encouraging us every day in the most mundane things if we just slow down and look for Him.
Thankful for your honest and vulnerable words and for the community you have so faithfully shepherded here. It is a privilege to stand with YOU as you reach the world for Him.
Sarah you said what was exactly on my heart. Vanessa your blog is one of my most favorite because of it’s uniqueness and your voice. Please stay on your path at your pace. I wish you JOY this year (putting Jesus first, then Others, and Yourself)
I really enjoyed this and could picture you travelling through the snow. Just as being in nature brought you peace, it has certainly highlighted the inner struggle many of us have as we try to figure out our priorities as well as whether being part of “the crowd” is a good thing. Very interesting blog. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this post. I have not had the chance to read many posts from my favorite blogs. I hope to visit more in the year to come. I also hope to blog a bit more in the year to come
Vanessa,
You just keep doing what your doing. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog and book. You have a way of writing that feels like you are talking to me. Most posts hit home with me, though my situation may be different than yours. You help me see things in a different way. Please don’t change to fit in with other bloggers.
Thanks for your post today Vanessa. I have kinda felt the same way with my life after retiring this past May. I joined a Bible study, now work out at the gym and craft things on a regular basis. It has been an adjustment to say the least, but I am slowly coming to terms with it.
Finally, someone had the courage and good sense to write about this topic! You go girl! You expressed what so many of us go through. It just feels like no one relates till it’s them. Been there, done exactly this. Live YOUR life the way it suits YOU the best. Wonderful things will follow and I’ll still meet you at the picket fence!
Beautifully written, Vanessa! Isn’t it interesting how God opens our eyes to fulfill what we’re longing for in our hearts, if we are willing to listen to Him and follow His direction. I needed this post, too. Newly retired (though I don’t see how anyone really retires. Houses need cleaning, food needs cooking…) I would like to do something, that even might help us financially, but I want it to be where God would have me, using the abilities He’s given me. So, I wait and watch and try to learn what’s set before me, and to appreciate every little blessing, including this lovely post you’ve written. Thank you and may God bless you and your family.
Dear Vanessa,
I *love* your blog for the reasons you stated – a little bit decor, a little bit faith, a little bit fun family….when I blogged (will again, last week of work, been a crazy last 6 months) mine is that too.
Though I can’t take pics for crap and have zero patience for learning my camera or getting out my expensive lights……so I will never be a contender such as yourself – but I love love love the way you write and feel and think and share.
Never change, and be happy – cuz for whatever it is worth, you sure make me happy.
God bless you and keep you at peace and in good health and full of fun snowmobile rides.
I haven’t been on a snowmobile since I was in elementary school. We have enough snow right now it makes me want to go out and ride one for sure! : – )
My dear Vanessa, thank you so much for your post, courage and transparency. You are like a breath of fresh, invigorating air! I have been thinking of starting a blog for the last few months but, like you, don’t feel I fit into any particular mold. I just moved from a big city to a much smaller one and want to write about the differences between the two We close on our new house next week and I want to discuss real estate. I love interior decorating and would love to blog about that. I want to explore my new surroundings and tell my future readers all about hiking trails, vintage local stores, restaurants, etc. You get my drift. I have procrastinated because I felt it was too much and no one would follow me. Reading your beautifully penned post today, I saw that there is a place for those of us who don’t fit the mold. A wonderful place with plenty of other “different” types. And you know what? I think we rock! I think we count. I think we make a difference in the world. So my friend, good for you and for us that you had that epiphany on that snowmobile. I have never heard of a more accurate or more beautiful analogy. Thank you for bearing your soul to us. Don’t feel lonely – we’re here and we love being with you on your blog! God bless.
Thank you for sharing from your heart. I often feel the same and have not been faithful to blog much over the past several months. I sense that I need to continue and am praying about the direction I should go. By the way, I don’t live far from Mt. Hood (in the Willamette Valley not far from Portland) and that is my absolutely favorite mountain.
~Adrienne~
Very well put and thank you for sharing
Speaking as an almost 75-year old grandma, I think you have hit the nail on the head, so to speak, Vanessa. Over the years and in just the last two or three years as well as in just the last two or three months, I have come to really believe that our happiness really depends on our relationship with ourselves and whether we have the courage to walk our own path regardless of where the crowd seems to be heading. Only each of us personally knows what the best, most authentic path is for us. So you are definitely learning an essential truth–a truth which is necessary to embrace for real happiness and fulfillment in life. That is our own, particular truth about what gives us happiness and peace– what feels right in our gut.
I wish you the joy of knowing that it is absolutely alright to live your life in a way that you decide is right for you, not based on anyone else’s standards or opinions. It’s not necessary to fit into any specific niche. You can create your own. You may not know all the answers or bends in the path now but with patience and faith, you will discover them at the proper time. I send you my blessings on your chosen way and I wish you much happiness and contentment as you travel.
I’m giving you a standing ovation from my living room in Texas. You have explained so beautifully exactly how I feel about blogging.
Maybe we should start a new niche? LOL
I’m so glad you share your heart because you are a blessing to everyone who reads your words.
Lisa
I haven’t been following your site for very long and I don’t know much about blogging but I have to say that some that I follow give me a feeling of blogging overload. When I see your site in my inbox, I’m always happy to see what is on your mind. We all need inspiration in this life. Slowing down and really being still to appreciate and be grateful for the moment is an ongoing challenge for me and for some of my friends. I follow a gal that had a very popular diy blog. Now, she just posts her life and challenges with her young family on Instagram. I no longer have young children and I don’t know if she makes any money doing this but I love seeing her life and how she approaches parenting. Again, thank you for sharing 🙂
Oh my gosh, girl. I couldn’t have said it better myself. All of this. I have felt it all, too. And I’m learning to be ok with going my own way and not getting choked by everyone else’s fumes. But I’ll be honest, there are still days I find myself wallowing in those fumes. Thank you for this post. So encouraging, so timely. Blessings to you!
Vanessa,
I enjoy stopping “at the picket fence” because of your sharing a little faith, a little home decor, thoughts on home and family, and that I don’t feel pressured to craft or shop…just go where the Lord leads you and those who need to see your words and sweet phots will be there.
You voiced so much of a battle with blogging that I have. God has confirmed again and again to blog, but the “where do I fit” issue is real. I have to trust Him in it all and enjoy the journey, but jumping in and hitting the button, speaking from my heart and not being concerned of the fit is a struggle. Thank you, sweet friend. I get it. Please keep writing because it always “fits” and speaks deeply to my heart.
Vanessa, thank you..thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love authentic thoughts and feelings. Your home life is real, your thoughts are real, and your devotion is obviously the same. Please continue to inspire all of us. I have enjoyed every post you have graciously given of your time to write. I, for one, enjoy the variety of content. It’s refreshing. Keep it up! When a blogger becomes somewhat redundant, I have a tendency to become weary and feel a little uninspired. When At The Picket Fence shows up in my inbox, I never feel that way. It’s always a pleasure to open, just like a gift! And I plan to be here to untie every ribbon! I appreciate you. God bless you.
Your posts resonates with me so much. I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere. I’m not a drinker – not even socially – so I don’t fit in with those friends. I don’t have a lot of extra “me” money, so I don’t fit in with those friends who love to shop till they drop or always trekking off to the next vacation. I don’t particularly like huge crowds, so hanging out with friends at various concerts or ballgames isn’t my jam. So, I’m right there with you – not exactly sure WHERE I fit in and often feeling lonely and that I’m missing out but not sure on what!!
Love this Vanessa! Thank you for helping your Dad cross snowmobiling off of his bucket list. It was a beautiful snowy day with the much-loved four of you!
I admire the courage you have in sharing your insecurities about not knowing where you belong. You belong right where you are — following your heart and sharing yourself with us so beautifully. It was also so lovely to read the comments from your followers who are so genuinely supportive of you and who also show their own goodness in their kind words. You have achieved something that cannot be measured……you gently touch lives by bringing joy to others through your blog. Thank you for sharing yourself, your creativity, passions, family, and faith with us. Bless you.
I ‘think your blog is “right-on”. I like the fact that your not always “selling” something, or that you don’t repost from the previous year just to have a post up. I truly enjoy your writings.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!! I love this. 🙂 Especially the last 3 paragraphs. 🙂 Well-done, V. So proud of you for sharing so authentically and I love the perspective you gained and gave us in this. Just so beautiful and so well-written. You matter, you have a place, and you are loved!!
So very well put. I enjoy your reading your reflections and how they apply to life.
You blog from your heart. Beautiful post.
Thank you for such heartfelt words.
There are many of us out in “blog-land” who look forward to your posts. Be true to your own heart, let God set your pace and lead the way. When you are on your path, you have no worries about anyone else. Looking forward to all you share this year!
Thanks for sharing your heart, Vanessa, as you always do so well. I’m thankful that you are doing exactly what God has created you for and called you to do. Thank you for the encouragement to slow down and go at my own pace…I needed that.
AND, I”m pretty sure I owe you a portrait or two??!!
Love and hugs to you, Praying that 2019 is full of God’s adventures for you and your family!
Wise, wise words, friend! Keep being you, keep enjoying the views from the place YOU are at on the path. (And keep sharing your perspectives.)
Back at ya my friend! Thank you for your encouragement!
You are such an amazing storyteller! You truly have a gift. I can totally relate in the blogging world…I often think I have fallen so behind in all the shop this, swipe up to this mumbo jumbo, I feel like I may never catch up. But then I think…you know what? I’m happy right where I am and I don’t have to catch up! Never stop telling your stories! XO
Oh friend thank you so much for being such an encouragement! You just keep doing you too and know that you aren’t alone in just wanting to go at your own pace. xoxo
Keep going, please
I will Gail! And I’m so grateful for such a supportive community. Thank you! xoxo
Thank you so much for this. I have been really stressing out (being an older person) about feeling left out. I have been beating myself up for feeling this way. This was so very encouraging!
Your pace is perfect. It is the Peace pace. 🙂
I truly believe God intended for me to read this post today. I have had my own business for several years and have tried so hard to “follow the right train”. I see others trudging to keep up and others doing well. After our pastors sermon yesterday I decided to sit back from all of my task and listen better for Gods direction. I don’t have to be like everyone else, I just need to be the Proverns 31 woman that He wants me to be.
So I am going to slow down, back off from the noise and fumes, Renew, Revive and Breathe and enjoy the talents He has given me to make my life complete.
Thank you for sharing your heart! 🌿
Jane
Hi Jane! Oh I’m so glad that this was encouraging to you and met you at just the right time. We really do have to get away from the ‘din’ in order to hear His voice, don’t we? It’s hard to not get pulled into the comparison trap but when we are able to remove ourselves from it we can see things so much more clearly. Our job is to be obedient and to trust that He will use that obedience in the way He sees fit. Blessings to you!
Beautifully written, great analogy! Thank you so much for your voice, I always love reading your posts. (even if I am a bit late in reading this one!) Lovely pictures, too. Thank you for doing what you do, you are much appreciated.
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement Hilary! I’m so grateful for the support and appreciate you being part of our community!