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At The Picket Fence with Vanessa Hunt

Where Ideas for your Home Meet Inspiration for your Heart

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April 11, 2015

Crystal Glasses and Paper Napkins

I’ve always been very hard on myself.

The whole idea of extending grace to others is a far easier concept for me to grasp than extending it to myself. And for years, one of the ways this manifested in my life was in a constant striving for perfection. If I do all of the ‘right’ things and make all of the ‘right’ choices then everything in my life will be ‘right’…right? 😉

Of course, even as I type out those words I realize once again how absolutely ridiculous that sounds.

Because, the reality was, there has been much in my life that hasn’t gone ‘right’ even when I thought I was making the ‘right’ choices. I’ve talked a little bit about that here and here.

cherry blossom centerpiece atthepicketfence.com

Years ago, when I first began hosting special occasions in my home, I would carefully plan out every single detail and agonize if I realized I had forgotten something.

And, in the process, I drove my family crazy. You see, while I would greet the guests at the door with a big smile on my face and arms opened wide, those poor souls living here with me knew that only minutes (or even seconds!!) before, I was running around like a banshee, barking orders and freaking out if anything was out of place.

How fun for them, right? 😉

Eventually, no one really wanted to have people over. Including me. Hosting went from being less about showing others hospitality and more about showing others how ‘together’ we were. When we really weren’t!

spring table setting atthepicketfence.com

So I prayed that God would release me from this perfectionism. This need to have everything so ‘right’.

And you know what? He did!

He helped me understand how much I was getting in my own way. And I’ve come to learn the real meaning of hospitality. And not just hospitality as it’s shown to guests but also (and maybe more importantly!) how it’s shown to those living right here in my home.

But, you know what else God helped me understand?

That being released from perfectionism didn’t mean I had to let go of some of the things that are just inherently ‘me’.

Things like enjoying setting a pretty table.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of times when hosting at our house simply means pizza and beer.

But, there is just something about setting a table for a holiday that feels so timeless. So traditional. And I’m definitely a traditional kind of girl.

For Easter this year though, I gave myself a break. One I probably wouldn’t have given myself all those years ago when I first began hosting holidays.

Oh sure, there was china and chargers and a linen tablecloth. We even used my husband’s grandmother’s silver which was given to us as a wedding gift.

But the centerpiece took all of 5 minutes. Fresh cherry blossoms from trees in my backyard put in simple glass vases and surrounded by battery operated candles.

simple easter tablescape atthepicketfence.com

And when it came time to put out the napkins I paused. Because, well, I really didn’t want to have to wash cloth napkins. I knew that at the end of that day I was going to be wiped out. And the thought of ANOTHER load of laundry was just one thing too many on this already crazy weekend.

Now the old me would have felt like I needed to just suck it up and get out those cloth napkins.

But now, well, now I know how to make the best choice for me and my family.

spring place setting with paper napkins

And now I know that vintage silver can still look beautiful on paper napkins.

Who knows? Maybe next year there will be paper plates on those gold chargers!

It’s a slippery slope folks. 😉

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P.S. We’re so thrilled to welcome Decor Steals as a sponsor here At the Picket Fence! Every day there is a fabulous new deal and frankly we are having a hard time not buying every single one of them!

decor steals

 

12 Comments Filed Under: Decorating, Devotionals, Easter, Holidays, Spring

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Comments

  1. Hope Williams says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:08 AM

    Good morning Vanessa. Balance. It sounds so simple and yet so hard to find. True story. I used to stand behind my first husband waiting for him to finish at the bath vanity so I could clean it. True, so sadly true!
    Now, it’s my dust and I’ll clean it when I’m ready! Funny how in the process of finding balance we tend to jump over to the other side. Again, landing in the same situation.
    I just turned fifty and I should not have! Im still here for the simple fact that God is good every day. God wanted me to find life and not so much balance. After surviving so much and fighting daily just to stay alive threatened more than just my existence, it almost took my ability to enjoy the simple pleasures of this life.
    For me is was the laughter, a smile, hug, friends, the real essentials of a simple life. I’m learning to live again, slowly. But God gave me “right now” and “so far”. I found that “so far” is perfect! In every way. For today, life is the gift, so far….but the rest of the day is looking really good!
    I pray you enough in all things for today, so far today….

    Reply
  2. Janet says

    April 11, 2015 at 5:09 AM

    I love your story! We must be twins! When everyone would say “you’re so organized!”, I always felt a little guilty. If they only knew what a wreck I was 15 minutes before they arrived! Oh well, there’s nothing wrong with paper napkins and silver. Maybe it will be a new trend! ….. or it already is and we’re just to frazzeled to notice. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  3. Brenda says

    April 11, 2015 at 5:16 AM

    I can so relate to your post…I LOVE having friends over for a specially-planned meal, and setting a beautiful table. I LOVE planning the meal and deciding just how to make the table beautiful, how to make my guests feel the love I have for them and how special their friendship is to me.. The problem…we are never invited to their home???? One evening, I overheard one of my guests say to another guest, “I could never do this, it’s so intimidating!” I could not believe it! I just wish they realized how much joy it brings me, that it is something I LOVE to do. Anyway, I am not going to let a little thing like that, stop me from doing what I love. 🙂 (suggestions appreciated). Oh, by the way…where did you find those lovely paper napkins???

    Reply
  4. Pamela says

    April 11, 2015 at 7:26 AM

    Great story ,that was encouraging,thank you. Love the napkins they were pretty. Have a Blessed weekend.

    Reply
  5. Melanie C. says

    April 11, 2015 at 9:32 AM

    Thank you for being so transparent and connecting with the rest of us who struggle with this exact same disease. I have finally come to a place of rest about many of the same issues. For years I thought that my worth and value in life was based on the amount of effort I put into making my home look great, my clothes fashionable or my knowledge of pop culture relevant but all of that was just a façade because inside I had never truly accepted God’s grace, mercy or appreciation for who I was. I had the head knowledge but the truth of my worth hovered teasingly over my soul like a beautiful hummingbird over a flower. So glad you are gaining freedom and perspective from the lies of perfection = happiness. Continue sharing and encouraging others. These chains can be broken! From one banshee to another.

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 11, 2015 at 12:21 PM

      LOL!! Definitely from one banshee to another. 😉 Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It’s so nice to know we aren’t alone in our struggles!

      Reply
  6. Sue. says

    April 11, 2015 at 9:53 AM

    this is so timely , I am having an 80th party for my mom today…with the help of my 2 sisters. Let go of perfectionism will be my motto. Enjoy the family and have fun! Thanks, I needed that!

    Reply
  7. laura@top this top that says

    April 11, 2015 at 12:43 PM

    i know first hand that paper plates look fabulous on any charger! 🙂 Good for you! Those napkins are really cute. I am forever buying paper products when ever I see them on clearance after a holiday. You should start too!

    Reply
  8. Sue Tait says

    April 11, 2015 at 10:34 PM

    Oh my, Apparently I am a member of a very Large Group of BANSHEES… Hahaha… And what good company to be in!

    I also have begun to figure out what is more important and what is less important, and having enough food that tastes good, and serving it in a relaxed atmosphere far outweighs having the perfect linen napkins and the best china on the table. There is nothing wrong with pretty paper plates on your holiday table. The good company and easy mood of the hostess is far more enjoyable to the guest and a lot easier on the hostess’ nerves. (Therefore more enjoyable for HER). And what is the main point of having company for dinner anyway? For them to Enjoy the evening, but ALSO for you to enjoy it with them.

    I was not always this way, but have found that it is so much better for my guests that I have become more and more this way NOW…

    Thank you Vanessa for sharing this. You have really hit the target with me this time!

    Love your page, and all your stories…

    Sue

    Reply
  9. Linda says

    April 12, 2015 at 7:38 AM

    first, where did you get those napkins?? 2nd glad you shared your story. Seems it is similar to many of us creative with perfectionism tendencies women. nothing wrong with pretty tables; everything wrong with the crazy often meaness that comes out because of the perfection quest. 3rd it can be overcome! Happy Sunday! Linda

    Reply
    • At The Picket Fence says

      April 12, 2015 at 8:07 AM

      Thank you so much Linda! And the napkins are from Tuesday Morning. 🙂

      Reply
  10. Donnamae says

    April 12, 2015 at 11:32 AM

    It takes most of us decades to figure out what you’ve figured out about hosting…I speak from personal experience. I used to be a nervous wreck…and yes, there was yelling involved too. Somewhere along the way, I discovered that a clean home, good food and a smile will overcome just about any inadequacies I thought my home had. And, I always, always use paper napkins! 😉

    Reply

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I've been watching our cherry trees bloom for 12 y I've been watching our cherry trees bloom for 12 years now and every year I ohhhh and ahhhh over the blossoms like it's the first time I've ever seen them. I gush and I take photos (that look exactly like the ones I took the year before and the year before that) and I make my family come outside and look at them with me which you know they just LOVE to do. 😉 I think that is one of the main reasons why I love spring so much. On the one hand, it's predictable and yet, on the other hand, it still feels like such a surprise after the long months of barren branches.

And yesterday, as I was staring at the gorgeous blossoms for the umpteenth time, I couldn't help but think that I hope this is how I feel when our lives return to some semblance of normalcy.

I hope that the predictable feels special and that the typical feels anything but. I hope that I ohhh and ahhh over the simple things I've realized I've taken for granted. And, most of all, I hope that feeling doesn't go away for a very, very long time! 💗
Are you living with great expectation friends? Bec Are you living with great expectation friends? Because He is risen!

Happy Easter from my home to yours!
Lemon bars all ready for tomorrow! It’s going to Lemon bars all ready for tomorrow! It’s going to be a different kind of Easter for sure but some things don’t change. Have you been baking and getting ready for tomorrow? What’s one thing on your menu that you have to have every year?
If this is Good Friday, why doesn’t it feel so “good”? It all seems backward doesn’t it?

What could be good about the unspeakable pain he suffered? What could be good about the shame and betrayal?

Easter Sunday is so joyful, bright and cheery. Shouldn’t that be the day we call “good”? It just feels so much better!

But, I don’t know how to rejoice over His resurrection, unless I have felt the pain of His death. I have realized that in life the sweetest victories are the ones which were realized after a pain-filled journey.

And, so it is with Good Friday. I know there will be victory over death, but I can’t skip ahead in the story.

Jesus knew what was coming. He knew what he would experience. And he knew why he would go through it. He did it for me. He did it for you.

Do you know that? Have you felt it down in the very core of your soul? 
Sometimes it makes me squirm a bit. Why would anyone do that for me?

Well, because, I can’t do it for myself!

There is nothing I can do to earn that kind of love and mercy.

That is why it is called GRACE.

His grace is freely given. We don’t have to pay for it. He paid the price for us already.

Do you remember that movie from years ago called “Ransom”? A couple’s young son was kidnapped and the parents went to hell and back trying to find him and pay the “ransom” demanded by the kidnappers.

Well, Jesus is our “ransom”. (1 Timothy 2:6) His life was the payment.

Why is it called “Good Friday”? Because that wasn’t the end of the story….
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…It was just the beginning!
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If you don’t absolutely HAVE to make a decision right now, I want to encourage you to wait until life gets back to normal. If you are finding yourself over-analyzing relationships and family dynamics, I want to encourage you to remember that everything seems more dramatic when looked at under a microscope. And, let’s face it, being homebound with our loved ones non-stop makes us all feel like lab rats in an experiment.

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If you’re able to find flour in the stores (for the love people please stop overbuying!) and you’re doing more baking at your house too you need to add this apricot bread to your list of new recipes to try!

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